Smile if you take it in the ass!

Whenever I start a new blog post it usually begins with a theme... Where it goes after that, well that's anyone's guess, but I always begin with semi normal intentions and a generalized theme! Whenever I have spare time and I'm online I like to look for blog material. If I come across something strange and/ or funny I save it. Here's a collection of random finds that don't really fit into any category other than they either made me laugh or freaked me right the fuck out!!! Ummm... Enjoy?

Something for the boys... Or old men with a Viagra prescription!!!! How to pee with a boner!

I'd love to actually know what's going on here... I hope she didn't drink too much...  She looks like a nasty fucking drunk ... And a biter!

Little Miss Muffet.
Sat on her tuffet.
Eating her curds & whey.
Along came a spider and sat down beside her and...
He was like "Fucking god damn bitch! I'm just guna leave you the fuck alone!"

Wow! That is all!

... And this is why you should never fuck your hairdressers husband! 

It's call UNDERwear for a reason... Yikes!

You too, BITCH! Seriously, what the fuck!?!

His butt crack looks like a tiny little vagina! $10 says it doesn't smell like vagina though!

Is he trying to prove he doesn't take it in the ass?

Well, that's one way to get your hubby to stop taking you from behind! Unfortunately she's married to the dude in the picture above...

Ummm... Yeah!?

Ok so there's the dude trying to smuggle a basket ball in his shorts or there's Bride of Frankenstein ... Or 'Happy', as her friends call her... You pick the weirdo!

The real 'Joe Dirt'!

THIS is what I'm talking when I refer to 'back titties'
Just think... If she gave you head while you were standing, her back fat is in the shape of a love heart! And people say romance is dead! Pffft! 

He's shopping for condoms! Fucking WHY?!?

It's the ancient battle of the melting gut versus the hungry vagina!!! The victim? Her shorts!

Anyone else wanna rub his titties? No? 

YO! Check it! Hahaha! WEIRD!

Hahahaha! GOLD!

Yeah, thanks DAD! Fuck head!

Nar... I think he CAN get them a little higher! His poor vagina! Yeesh!

You heard the man!

... That stupid mole of a dressmaker fucked up my dress!
It's off white! I specifically said EGG SHELL!!! Christ! 

That's the same thing I said to Todd when we first met... 

No idea what's going on here! I think someone's taking the piss... Although, I may not make any sense if I had someone park their car on my privates?

I'm so confused... And extremely aroused!!!

Japan! Great fucking county!

This is what I may have to resort to get some more donations to my blog!  

I fell in love with this picture. Hopefully it'll make up for all the trauma caused from viewing the above!

Remember kiddies... Donations are most appreciated and are a fantastic preventative for sudden penile combustion! Fucking BOOM! Hahahaha! 

Until next time...

Love ya guts!

Love, Jen xoxo

But why is there no Disco Puma?

So I was trawling the Internet looking for funny shit to entertain you lot with and I stumbled upon a picture of a Harry Potter DVD case... Not that interesting, right? WRONG!!! Fucking WRONG!!! The DVD is obviously a burnt copy from overseas because it's just fucked up! It's written in English but as you'll soon see it's got absolutely NOTHING to do with Harry Potter- Like, at fucking all!!! This random find then lead me down a weird and wonderful path of movie posters- with a foreign twist! Enjoy! I give you full permission to say 'WHAT THE FUCK' out loud and as often as necessary... And trust me when I say, it WILL be necessary!!!

Ok, so at first glance everything appears to be normal... At first, I was like... And why is this funny? Then I saw Billy Bob Thornton's name and I knew that something was terribly wrong... It reads as follows:

Directed by Billy Bob Thornton, two young men (Matt Damon and Henry Thomas) celebrate the recent ending of World War II by riding out of their native Texas into the wild west, meeting friends and fellow adventurers along the way. Once they reach Mexico, they become smitten with a young woman (Penelope Cruz) who is the daughter of a ranch owner. As foreboding clouds threaten their so-far sunny skies, the men throw themselves headlong into danger.
“The Wizard Of Oz”
F- it’s time A Complete triumph
Bonus features
Anamorphic Widescreen (Aspect Ratio 2:35:1)
Commentary by Director Harold Ramis
Commentary by Elizabeth Hurly and Trevor Albert
Making of Featurette, Costume Design Featurette, Still Gallery
English 5:1 suroung, english Dolby Surround, French Dolby Surround
Subtitles: English, Spanish
Warner bros. pictures presents a Cruise/Wagner-Vinyl Films production of a Chris Buck film Daniel Rancliffe “Harry” Emma Watston Rupert Grint Richard Harris and Samantha Morton music by Nancy Wilson music supervision Danny Bramson costumes designed by Betsy Hermann edited by Joe Hutshing ace production designer Catherine Hardwicke director of photography John Toll ASC executive producer Jonathan Sanger Danny Bramson Fernando Bovara Bill Block Patrick Wachsberger assistant producer Michael Doven produced by Tom Cruise Paula Wagner Cameron Crowe written for the screen and directed by Kevin Lim and Chris Buck.

Ok, so apparently there was a heap of shit I didn't know about Harry Potter! Like I had no idea that Billy Bob directed it as well as Harold Ramis, apparently! Or that it starred Matt Damon... (I think he plays Ron!?) Even more surprising was that it's set it in Texas! Weird huh!?! Not as weird as the random Wizard of Oz mention calling it a 'triumph', but then giving it an 'F'... Or maybe it's like 'Fuck it's time! A complete triumph!' Either way... They're WAY off!

The Polish movie poster for the movie 'Escape from Planet of the Apes'
Hahaha! Now, I've never seen the movie but for some reason, now I really want to! But I have to wonder... What are they trying to escape from? They look like they're having a great fucking time!

Weekend at Bernie's
On the left the movie poster/ cover I'm familiar with... On the right... The Polish version! Yeah! What the fuck is with these fucking Polish posters? It's just like 'Fuck seeing the movie! Don't show me pictures from the film and don't tell me a god damn thing about it! Just get me my LSD, my pen and some paper and I'll work the rest out on my own!"

Big
On the left... The regular poster. On the right the Czech Republic version. What the fuck is going on here? Why couldn't they just change the wording on the original poster? Why does the dude have paint on his face and heart shaped sun glasses? Why why why??? NOTHING about this poster says ANYTHING about the movie! 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
On the left... Makes sense. You know it's a Harry Potter movie. There's a dark looking forest and a sense of urgency. Cool. I still have no desire to see any of the Harry Pot-head movies but I get the drift... On the right is the US version!?! Is this scene even from Harry Potter? If it is I'm sure it's not the entire gist of the film. Anyone going to see this movie JUST based on the poster is guna be majorly fucked off! I'd be like 'Who the fuck are these gits with wands and when does Hemorrhoid (Hermione) become a prostitute?

Ice Age 3
On the left the normal poster. On the left... The South Korean version. What is with Korean's and their incessant need to slut everything up with gadgets and shit? Nowhere in this movie do they time warp to the future, pick up a custom made rocket suit, some blue sunnies and haul ass back in time for tea! What the fuck is going on? If I was a little kid and I saw this poster before going in to see the movie I'd be highly fucking pissed when I didn't see that little squirrel dude kicking some woolly mammoth ass with his newly acquired robocop like ensemble! HIGHLY PISSED!!!

The Never Ending Story
On the left... The version I'm familiar with.
On the Right... Oh my fucking god! It's those crazy fucking Polish bitches again! What is going on here!? Granted, I haven't seen this movie in a while but I'm almost definite that I'd remember a weird little gay dude wearing clown make-up, a Victorian neck collar and a gigantic obnoxious pink hat while happily riding on a Triceratops! But maybe I missed that bit? I'm pretty sure this movie is German... And Poland is right next to Germany... So what happened? Was there some massive communication error? Did the fax get smudged and the Polish design department decided to wing it? Or was this Poland's revenge for being invaded by Germany? I'm thinking all of the above!

Willow
On the left... An understandable choice.
On the right... The POLISH version (this is getting to be like a bad joke)! I never realised Willow was about an elderly Pinocchio making friends with either a leper or a deformed tree!?! But, hey! What do I know!

A Nightmare on Elm Street 
A VERY cool movie poster that gives some clue to the story line... Then there's the Japanese version...

I think the artist took his work home and let his 4 year old cut and paste some random shit together! CRAPPY JAPPY!!!

Star Wars
This is my absolute favourite side by side comparison!
On the left is the more conventional poster. On the right is the Russian version.
Quite obviously when the artist had Darth Vadar described to him all he heard was "Blar blar blar  SEXY DISCO PUMA!!!"
Again... Why not just change the poster on the left? Or at least reference to it! The Russians must have been like... So when's space cat coming into the movie? There is no space cat? But the poster? The poster lied? But why? Why would they tease me with empty promises of awesome humanoid disco puma's!?! WHY!? For the love of god WHHHHHY!?!
THAT kind of shit changes people. You lose a part of yourself! Ahahahaha! Yeah!?!

 Well kiddies, once again our time together has come to an end!


I hope you enjoyed wondering what the fuck as much as I did!!!


Until next time...


Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo

Dildos! The Re-Entry!

Greetings fuckers!!! I'm not dead! I have borrowed a mates laptop... Thanks Rhi Rhi!!! You may have noticed a cute little donate button over there 
to your right...Yes THAT one! I didn't just put it there for my health... So be a darling, click it and donate 1 or 2 dollars to go towards my new laptop! Please *bats eyes* Coz I can't keep using this laptop forever! A) It's a loner and B) It's got keys missing! Which kind of makes me feel like I'm borrowing my mates dildo... It'll get the job done, but I still feel weird about using it!!! Hahaha... We've all been in that situation!

Talking about dildos... Check out these winners! So I looked up funny dildo pics and I ended up finding an x-ray film of one crazy bitch who got a little over zealous and just shoved the whole god damn thing up there... Like right fucking UP THERE!!! That lead onto other weird x-ray pics! Then I just got a bit buck wild and went cock mad.... Mmmwaaahahaha! *sings* Cock and balls cock and balls... Oooo so shiny! Hahaha!

Why she look so sad? :(
Poor, Ma... I think she likes the vag!!!

It's cute and disturbing... Like me!

YES! It's Barack Obama!

She's not cupping the balls!!!

This is exactly how I lost my Ben Wa balls!

This so boring! 

It's happened to the best of us... AND to the worst of us!

I'm always losing my god damn phone!!!

So she said "drink this shot or I'll stick it in your ass!"
 2 and a half hours later and here I am!!! I need new friends!

It's nice but do you have anything a little... Bigger? Hahaha!
I showed this to Todd and he was like "WTF are you looking up? You're like yay we've got the internet back! Let's look up dick"... I laughed... Coz he doesn't know I just ordered one of these for him... in BLACK!!! Aaaahahaha!
Is it just me or does it look like a butternut pumpkin?

I don't get it!?! Why bother getting hard?

Aaaahahaha!

Nipple clamps- Fucking extreme much? Hoo-har hoo-har!! Woof woof!!!

Ahaha! FIST OF FURY!!! RAAARRR!
I want this next to my front door just incase any cunt decides to break in! Ahahaha!

^^^ How you might feel after reading my blog! ^^^

So there you have it, my little shit faces!!!


Until next time... Get a big stiff one up ya! 


Love your guts! 


Love, Jen xoxox