tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29093901116752490352024-02-21T15:21:22.905+08:00Jen's Spaghetti BlogFact: If I were a man I would have a huge meaty cock! Alas I am not, so I compensate with my kick ass blog!!!Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-18165238934491211622016-11-12T09:16:00.001+08:002016-11-12T09:16:36.401+08:00Reading this cant be good for you!<p dir="ltr">Originally Posted June 2016</p>
<p dir="ltr">I was writing a Facebook status just having an epically long, painful, fucking whinge about my morning. Precisely the events that occurred between about 8am and 9.05am... Anyway, shit got out of hand and turns out I can easily complain about a single hour in such detail that it just ends up way too long to be a fb status. So yeah... I kind of accidentally just wrote a blog post... This isn't my usual high quality, balls deep, depraved, top notch low brow shit. I'm just venting and sharing my suffering whilst displaying the fact that I am completely unable to write something concisely. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Who can write a post about 1 hour of their day?? Well for me it was a very very full on hour and 5 minutes. I had to make decisions like a real adult n stuff... Shit got real... I'm not gunna lie. There were times where I didn't know if I gave enough of a fuck to get shit done... And it sounds like I'm talking about some major shit... But my major shit is most people's minor shit. I felt like I was performing open heart surgery, whilst preparing a full 8 course banquet for the UN peace summit all while killing terrorists who'd been sent after me to jack off in the hollandaise sauce I prepared from scratch... Isn't that a plot from a Van Damme movie? No? Well it fucking should be. Look into that for me, will ya? Ok. Awesome. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My mission... That the universe forced me into accepting was... To get the kids to school. Heavy, I know! </p>
<p dir="ltr">I may have been feeling *slightly* dramatic and a little over the top as the whole situation was unfolding... But who the fuck would wanna read something completely sane? If you answered "I do" then fuck off right now. This ain't the blog for you. Go jerk off with a lime or a 9 volt battery or whatever it is you normal boring fuckers do in your gazebos. Fucking gazebo loving, freakoid, twots!</p>
<p dir="ltr">l'm literally like you're own personal Meryl fucking Streep crossed with that M Night Shama-lama-ding-dong dude... So much intense drama and suspense just to end up with an aching arse hole. And not in a good way... If there's even such a thing as an enjoyable anal injury... I dunno... But if there is... This ain't that. Or maybe it is? Kinda lost what I was getting at there...</p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway... Here is what started as a simple day and a simple status and then I just Jenna'd all over it to the max... I kinda Jenna'd on myself big time so a load of washing is now definitely on the cards. Mmmm that's good quishy. Fuck I'm so lost. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My morning has been a cunt-stacle course of monumental fuckedness. I couldn't find Logan's Ritalin so I had to get those... </p>
<p dir="ltr">$40 a month to prevent my son from burning down the house as we sleep is definitely an essential especially because without his drugs he may end up getting sent home for calling his teacher a dick head, again. But he always manages ro run out when we're low on cash. Lucky I don't have another kid or a BABY who needs stuff like food, formula, nappies etc... Oh shit... I do. Isabelle eats like she's a small asian man training for a hot dog eating contest and Jacob's a porky little fucker too. All he does is eat and shit. And shit and eat and he's cute... But really that's all that he's got going for him right now... At least until I hear a "Mumma" out of that fat little head of his... He's not really putting much back into this so called relationship. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But thank God I don't need my meds... Oh what.... I'm completely unhinged and my pharmacist gets moist just thinking how much my meds cost me on a monthly basis... And of course I need my drugs. Mummy must have her pills, money or no money or I'll have to hock my box for my pharmaceutical allowance. I tried that before. Somehow I ended up OWING money. Hahaha. Yeah...</p>
<p dir="ltr">Inner monologue: Ok, no dramas. I can totally do it all before the school siren goes. I have to get the kids lunch packs from the local shops anyway...</p>
<p dir="ltr">The universe: Nar cunt. Just... Nar.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Half way through just picking up the "essentials"... Which was apparently more than I thought... Even though I wrote a list... And actually stuck to it... Apparently my bare essentials aren't that fucking bare... Or light. I'm heaving this poxy, heavy as fuck basket around that's making me walk like Quasi-fucking-modo, coz I'm kicking my leg out as I walk around the shops.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I suddenly get a feeling that I should check my bank account... Account Balance $551.00 DEBIT!!! So I had to put a temporary hold on my shopping/ schmoozing and rubbing shoulders with societies elite and hidden gems that frequent the IGA and go straight to code brown. Also known as defcon farrrrrrk. After standing in the dairy isle long enough that the staff were visibly weirded out and walked away clearly feeling uncomfortable, I remembered...<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Todd's with the Commonwealth Bank. You filthy slut. I love you. Thank fuck Todd's with CBA and they have that whole "cardless cash shit"... But the CBA ATM is at Maddington Central! And, bless them! They took the entire bank from across the road along with all the ATMs and put them inside the shops... Which is fun... Trying to find it... With 3 kids. You know, coz the Commonwealth Bank isn't a major bank or anything and of course the kind of people who use ATMs want to park, walk, locate and then use a fucking machine that has no business being inside and is only accessible during whatever the fuck time banks are open 5 days a week. Convenience is over rated! Give the twitching bean flicker a raise for that brilliant fucking idea. PUT ONE ATM OUTSIDE FOR FUCK SAKE. <br></p>
<p dir="ltr">So I got to just absorb all the eclectic, awesome, joyful vibes of both the residents of Kenwick AND Maddington all in one morning. They're just some really fucking awesome people who are totally thrilled with how their lives have turned out and even better they get to ride out the rest of this *Julie Fucking Andrews twirling on a mountain top* inspired life in this community of champions that only Kenwick and it's surrounds could assemble with such class, grace and sex appeal... <br></p>
<p dir="ltr">For the really slow people... I'm being sarcastic. Everyone is a shit cunt, living in a shit hole, too anally raped by life to just slash their fucking wrists and end the cluster fuck of a skid mark they call "living"... These fuckers make me look like the happiest, most clean cut, overly enthusiastic, positive mother fucker like EVER. And as you can tell by my super upbeat, happy go lucky VIBE I'm joyfully rolling with the awesome lay back groove thats flowing around me... Not!!!!! <br></p>
<p dir="ltr">So many faces that scream: drop kick, butt lick, old as shit, wrinkled, cracked out, chronic masturbating, sun damaged, botched rectum, mexican surgical procedure scarred, mofo's all with that "life smacked me with too many big black cocks over the last few decades" look in their eyes.<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Go get the fucking cardless cash. Freak out over 8 digit pins, retinal and sphinter scanners required while I'm on the phone to Todd to get his 4 digit net code while the ATM keeps wanting to know if I need more time and beeping at me like a reversing truck. It was stressful. Got the code. Got the money. Drove back to the shops. Waited in an epic line of people I resent just for breathing. Get my shit. Pay. Pick up meds from chemist. Drug Logan. Feed the kids chocolate for breakfast. Drive them to school almost forget to give them the lunch packs I specifically went to the fucking shops to get in the place. The kids were late. But I did introduce them to Black Sabbath during our mission, so it was more educational than the "great hog cock shortage of 1929 and how that had a massive impact on absolutely fucking nothing at all" or whatever absolute fucking horse shit they're expecting my children to learn, retain and give a flying fuck about today.<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Defeated mother fuckers. I need out. I hate this fucking place and this shit shack fucking house. And I need a new phone.<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">... Bahahaha. Sorry. Reading this back to myself and going from die die die, bring back the WW2 death camps, vote 1 Trump to... But, before I set you all on fire while you sleep... A new phone... Totally would change everything. And then rainbows n unicorns and glitter. WOW!!!! Yeah.... Made me laugh. <br></p>
<p dir="ltr">That simmered down and darted off in a totally different direction didn't it??? Anyway...<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">The fucker I'm borrowing has a smashed screen and 5 whole gigs of internal storage.. I've smoked weed with more internal storage than this phone!!! <br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Boom. How the fuck is your day!?! Don't answer. The baby is now screaming... Probably wants to take a dump on me while I feed him. <br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Anddddddd I'm back to questioning what is it I'm getting out of all this.<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Love your guts... Not as much as usual. Nothing personal. Or maybe it is. Stay on your toes, around me today.<br></p>
<p dir="ltr">Love Jen xoxo</p>
Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-82586101885307291632014-10-14T09:59:00.000+08:002014-10-14T09:59:51.724+08:00You bought a Jeep???<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This
actually started out as Facebook status... Thing is I realised after the first
few paragraphs of ranting, I'd pretty much written an epic "Lord Of The
Rings" style saga and I thought it was well overdue for me to write a blog
and traumatise some mother fuckers! So this baby was born. If
this post was a DVD... This bitch would be well and truly OVERDUE!!! Luckily I
don't have an obligation to write blog posts on a regular basis or I'd owe my
readers a big wad... Either I'd be handing over a wad of cash or taking a wad of cum right in my mouth...
Which realistically, with my financial situation, if I haven't taken a shot in
the mouth or given a couple of hand jobs down at the local for extra cash by
now, it ain't gunna happen.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First
paragraph in and I've already mentioned tugging off randoms for money & copping
a load in the mouth to clear a late fee for an overdue DVD that doesn't exist then somehow turned
into a blog post??? Impressed? Or are you that use the crazy that you didn't even think
twice and was just like... Oh that Jenna! She's still got "it"... And
by "it" I'm referring to my chemical imbalance &/or
improper dosages of my medications... "It" was not referring to that
rash I had a while back... That's cleared up now with the assistance of some
medicated cream... Bahahaha. Am I serious or am I fucking with you? Who knows!
Least of all me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So
as I was saying before my meds wore off or kicked in or interacted with each
other in some bizarre, spectacular, psychotic, scientific anomaly, which explains why I
can never remember anything between the hours of 11.13am and 2.47pm every
second Wednesday... Anyway... As I was saying before I went off on one of my trademark tangents... This post started out as Facebook status. I
quickly realised I had entirely way too much to say... And luckily for you, I
could actually be fucked typing it all out rather than just coming to the
realisation I'm even more weird than I realised and doing nothing about it
except sitting here feeling uniquely "special" and smug until Todd returned home and asked
what the fuck was wrong with my face. I'm guessing he would have suspected my
smug expression was probably gas or that I'd poisoned his beer or something. At which point I'd laugh and completely forget what the fuck I was doing just sitting there smugging the place up. As it is, I just finished that sentence
and was thinking: fuck me, if I had a smug quota, I just filled that baby right
to the top! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Want
to know a secret? I've completely forgotten how this whole smug nonsense came
about. Or what I have to be smug about in the first place... It's obviously not
my short term memory. Fear not! I do proof read this shit I write and I'm sure
it'll all come back to me! If not I can sit here and smugly read over the crap
that passes for writing these days, and critique myself...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh that's right i was
feeling smug about being a complete weirdo!?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
love reading my old stuff (blog posts, status updates, old letters etc) and
laughing my arse off at the shit that goes through my head and I praise the
internet for allowing me to record these random thoughts and read them later while thinking "fuck me I'm funny". I make myself laugh more than
anyone I know. That's not normal is it? I'm not sure if that makes me
delusional, conceited or easily amused!?! Maybe all 3? I may be the first
openly del-ceit-eas-ed person ever! Just made up my own word! Boom. AWESOME.
Pow! So now I'm the first "Aw-del-ceit-eas-ed" person EVER. It's
easier to pronounce than it looks... Say it with me: Awdelceiteased. Sounds
German. I am German (partly) so that works on many different levels... Why.
Just coz! See, that's totally a German thing too! Anyway... Now finally this status
that became a blog post...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've realised that I'm quite abusive towards my television. Well not physically
abusive towards the TV itself... It's just the content that I'm subjected to that causes me to develop acute, uncontrollable, domestic appliance, violence! Bahahaha that
rhymes! And it's not even the normal kind of abuse like yelling at the news
about Iraq or politics or midgets being exploited by Colombian drug lords or
whatever the fuck is on the news... I don't know. I don't watch the shit. Too
depressing!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
grew up listening to my dad yelling at the news so there's gotta be some kind
of residual trauma from that! So how am I different from my father? Well not in as
many ways as I'd like but when it comes to the whole talking to the television
thing... He gets really fucking mad! Like he goes right off his face. ALWAYS at
the news!!! And he talks to it as if he expects answers! Whereas I go off at TV commercials. TOTALLY different, right!?! I
especially hate commercials that tell me to do shit or ask me stupid
questions... Some examples:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">TV:
Buy super large, extra absorbent, micro chipped, twot temperature regulating,
tampons NOW! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me:
GET FARRRRKED!!!! I don't know who told you I need super large, technologically
advanced, tampons but you have been misinformed, Sir! MIS-IN-FORMEDDDDD!!!! Make
regular sized muff plugs with glitter and a built in iPod & then we'll
talk!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">OR commercials advertising yet another new sitcom! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> TV: Join Trixie on her journey as she deals
with divorce, menopause, life, love, loss, discovering crack cocaine, rehabilitation,
STD's, butt plugs & drug relapses all as she realises her lifelong dream of
becoming a poodle taxidermist..." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me:
Go fuck yourself, Trixie... Fucking toe rag! Get your fat pommy arse the fuck
off my TV... Like right fucking NOW!!! And how the fuck did my TV end up on the
UK channel anyway!?!? What the fucking fuck is going on here!?! Fucking
Trixie!!! Cunt!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or
the best ones are infomercials! With that atrocious
"acting" that porn stars would be embarrassed by just sends me right
off!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
Years ago there was an advert for bronzer. It was a bad cheaply made Kiwi
commercial which is just like a bad cheaply made Australian commercial, but
with funny accents... So there was plenty to take the piss (or pus) out of... But it
wasn't until the very end of the commercial that I decided I HAD to say
something... The last "actor" was a guy... Now if this was an ad for self
tanner or the gay pride festival was coming up I could understand their choice to include a guy...But why choose this dowdy looking prick, who thought WAY too highly of himself??? This product was
a shimmery based powder! No straight man would be caught dead wearing it... Not
even this pasty, virgin they pulled out of their arses at the last minute who clearly doesn't realise yet that he's gay! But
all that aside the thing that shat me off was this guy claiming that "The
chicks dig it!" But he was a kiwi so he said: "The chucks dug it!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Me: No, fuck head... The chucks do NOT dug it!<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
This guy clearly still lived with his mum, had never had a girlfriend & was
without a doubt still a virgin who collected Pokemon cards... Whose bright idea was this? Let's throw some
guy into the commercial to try & double our sales! Not the worst idea I've
ever heard, but why pick a guy who clearly isn't even wearing the fucking
bronzer he's claiming that all these chucks are dugging!?! He's clearly on the homoerotic
express straight to dong town, but yeah the "chucks" totally
"dug" nerds who don't know they love anal yet! And the most
irritating part? You could tell that he actually thought that ad was going to help him
score some "chucks"! The only chucks that dude was scoring was from girls laughing so hard at him even trying to pick them up that they actually vomited out
of their nose! Snot vomit, people! Snomit!<span class="apple-converted-space"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Lastly & this one really grates my arse... Whoever the fuck came up with the new Jeep ads... Please die. Now!!! I've had
better ideas for commercials in my shit! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You
bought a jeep? I bought a jeep! You bought a jeep? I bought a jeep! You bought
a jeep? Yeah, fucktard, I bought a mother fucking jeep?!?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me:
THE MOTHER FUCKER BOUGHT A MOTHER FUCKING JEEP! A wise choice in this economy!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me
in a ditzy voice: I'm a single female who lives in the suburbs and catches
public transport to work every day. I've never been 4 x 4 driving in my life, nor
do I have any desire to ever do so, so naturally I had to buy a huge petrol
guzzling V8! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why
is the person asking the question like... You fucking fuck tard, you actually
bought one of those heaps of shit? Are you fucking high? And the Jeep buying mother
fucker doesn't even question why the other dip shit keeps asking them the same fucking
question. Can you imagine Samuel L Jackson in one of these ads? You just know
someones going to end up getting shot!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me
yelling at the TV: Are you fucking deaf? Yes, they bought a fucking Jeep. We've
established that... Was your family raped, scalped, murdered & burnt by a
tribe of vicious Jeep Cherokees, while you were forced to watch??? No? Then
what the fucking fuck is your mother fucking damage??? Which part aren't you
understanding?! How about you say it again and I'll ram the spare tyre right up
your pisser! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This ad just screams "Yeah we had nothing..." Instead of
emphasising the word YOU they chose to emphasise the word JEEP... Which just sounds like... "You bought a JEEP... A fucking JEEP... Like on purpose??? Fucking why?" Instead they should have emphasised the word YOU. As in.., YOU have enough money to buy a Jeep??? Which could then
be parleyed into a statement about it's surprising affordability! Which is
still fucking irritating and insulting but not to the product they're trying to sell just to
the person who apparently has earned a reputation as being a poor arse who can't afford to buy a car, let alone a Jeep... But whatever. They got paid for saying 4 words! Repeatedly! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The fact that I
figured out how to fix the botched ad by changing the emphasis from one word to
another WHILE I was typing this just shows that either I should be in advertising or
Jeep should stop airing their fucking commercials, fire all the staff
responsible for allowing it to ever be seen in the first place & then it wouldn't leave me
screaming... "Yes! They bought a fucking Jeep you window licking, cunt
rash!!!! MOVE ONNNN!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, I have
issues... We know this!!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next
time...<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya
guts!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #ffd966; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen
xoxo</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-31198247940273059312013-09-08T04:31:00.001+08:002013-09-08T04:31:06.669+08:00So Many Fucking Windows!<p dir="ltr">Long time no blog!</p>
<p dir="ltr">This started out as a Facebook status, but to really do it justice I decided it should be a blog post.</p>
<p dir="ltr">By the time I post this... "today" is actually yesterday and "tomorrow" is actually today... Still with me!?! <font color="#000000">Ok</font></p>
<p dir="ltr">... So it was my first day of work today... I'm working for Toddy (or his company) cleaning up after filthy tradies and making houses pretty before the owners move in. How did it go, I hear you ask? Well...</p>
<p dir="ltr">I left the house late, then I had to line up to vote... And I mean LINE THE FUCK UP!!! It was bullshit. Anyway, I voted... Almost for the Weed Party just for shits and giggs, but I take my democratic right to vote seriously... So I voted for the Australian Sex Party... Coz I'll take a knob over a stick any day. Then after that mandatory crapola I went & grabbed myself a bottle of water (with lime- if you care... Fuck you, if you don't coz you can't unread what you just read, mother fucker! Bahahaha!) </p>
<p dir="ltr">Right! I'm set! I voted, I got my cleaning shit Tetris'd to fuck in my boot, I got my water (lime flavoured- ha!), got the address of the job in my GPS and... I'm off!</p>
<p dir="ltr">2 minutes before arriving at my 'destination' I realise that despite clearly typing, William Street WATTLE GROVE into my GPS, the piece of shit takes me to William Street in BECKINGHAM!!! It's only like 15 minutes away, but seriously TomTom... What the fucking fuck!?! </p>
<p dir="ltr">So I get to the job... Finally... At 11am! Fuck! Then there's half a driveway... Meaning I have to walk my boot load of odd shaped & heavy shit all the way to this huge fucking cunt of a house... Seriously it was a mother fucker. Not to mention the neighbours, who had obviously just moved in and decided to invite everyone they'd ever met in their entire fucking lives to come and view their new dwelling. And between the looks I was getting and the noises I heard I think they hadn't ever seen houses before. Fucking warpo tent people!</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I get inside the house away from the tent people... And all I could think was... Whoever the fuck designed this heap of shit needs a swift kick in the cunt! I could crap in my hand, ditch it at the wall, use a stick to mark a few key points and have designed a better house! </p>
<p dir="ltr">I set up my music, took a step back and realised... I don't even clean my own house... What the fuck am I doing here cleaning someone elses? And don't get me wrong... I CAN clean... I just don't like it... And cleaning my own house is totally different to a builders clean. I know what I have to do (sort of) but there's so much shit to clean and I don't want spend anymore time there than I have to... But it's not in me to half arse anything... But I need to make this shit happen as fast as possible for it to be worth the money. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Then shit just went from fucked up to Miley Cyrus at the VMA's... I'd brought several different industrial strength cleaners which I had diluted down into cute little squirty bottles... Which didn't fucking squirt... Fuck! I fill a bucket with soapy water and wash the windows... After I remove the tape from the frames... Along with half the plaster! Not my fault though... Shit plasterer! Seriously... Todd said it was a crap plastering job and it couldn't be helped. But he wasn't there when I started so I was already like... Fucking failed, ya fucking Slag! Anyway back to the window washing... Windows washed... Well 4 of them... And that's just ONE room... Oh fuck... I have to vacuum the tracks... And they're all wet... It's ok! I have a wet/ dry vacuum! No, it's not ok... The fucking nozzle for window tracks is way too fucking big and I can't get it in close enough to suck the shit out. I bashed the end of the nozzle with my pink hammer from my pink tool set Toddy got me.... It cracked the fucker (the nozzle not the hammer) but it made no difference. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Water break! It's 1.30pm! What the fucking fuck, Batman!?! 2 and a half hours and I've removed some tape, cleaned 4 windows, realised I forgot my cute little tool belt/ apron thingy, thought about telling Todd he was a cock stain for getting me into this fucking horse shit and smashed the end of my vacuum nozzle in an attempt to suck wet sand and plaster out of the 4 fucking windows I cleaned! I felt like I was in the god damn twilight zone from hell! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway, so I decide to clean the rest of that area from top to bottom... Which I do well... BUT wait... Apparently I wasn't supposed to wipe down & clean all the surfaces n shit until I've got rid of all the dust & dirt off the floor in the entire house coz that shit floats around... Meaning that I'm more than likely gunna have to redo the kitchen, which was pretty much the only bit of the house I was like... Yeah, that looks good... Don't slash your wrists in this room, Jen... This room looks ok! </p>
<p dir="ltr">I ended the day by cleaning the ensuit and the other crapper... Which some filthy cunt pissed in and didn't flush! Mmm stagnant urine! So after 7 of the longest fucking hours of my life and darkness approaching I look around... It looks like I've done sweet fuck all. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The pain sets in!!! The immediate head pain at the thought of Tetris'ing all the shit back into my boot. The physical pain of working my arse off. But mostly the horrific and traumatic pain of realising I have to come back to this shit stain of house AGAIN tomorrow! </p>
<p dir="ltr">I will need a huge can of redbull, a lot of drugs, some anti inflammatories (coz I'm literally walking around like I've shat myself) and the cleaning gods to stop arse fucking me. I'm not even half way done! I'm just going to have to go hard, get into stripper mode and work that pole like the rent was due yesterday...</p>
<p dir="ltr">But seriously I knew I was going to hate it but I'm just hoping I can grow to not absolutely fucking dispise the it. Maybe when everything doesnt go wrong, I have half a clue, my ADHD isn't making me be like... Broom... Squirrel!, I get my equipment (not my vag- that's fine) working properly and I can clean one house in a day... I'll feel a little less suicidal. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I can deal with hating something I'm doing for money, but I can't handle FUCKING hating something, I feel like I'm totally getting no where with, no matter what the money is like. All that I thought all day was: This is fucked, I'm failing and I'd rather be a stripper! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Then I was like... Melbourne... October... Spending money... Go scrub that shitter! Now to hobble around and get shit sorted for a fail-proof take 2! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Wish me luck! Ps I fucking hate windows... Don't ask the details or reasons... They're just cunts. Get on board or fuck off!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Love ya, guts!!!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Love, Jen xoxo</p>
Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-82941277022385747852011-10-27T02:51:00.002+08:002011-10-27T21:57:26.458+08:00Chunky Asses!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fucking hell! It's been 6 weeks since I last posted a blog! 6 god damn mother fucking weeks! Not acceptable! Not fucking acceptable... "What's your glitch bitch?", I hear you screaming, while you repeatably head butt your computer screen and possibly thumb your own butt!? My answer: Fuck knows!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I started this whole diet and exercise bullshit about the same time I stopped actively blogging so my theory is... I can only really concentrate on one thing at a time... Even if that one thing is thinking up an excuse NOT to get my chunky white ass on my treadmill. I've been on this health kick shit for about 6 weeks. I've lost 4 kilos...Which is bullshit considering the amount I DON'T eat, the drugs I'm on to help my skinny quest plus considering how chunkified I am, the weight should be falling off at this stage... So yeah, fucking frustrated! There's always guna be something chaffing my ass... This week, it's that! I think, also the main thing that's pissing me off is there's so many different, extreme, fucked up, miracle promising, bullshit diet/ exercise regimes and I'm just like... Surely it can't be that fucking hard! There's low carbs, no carbs, no fat, calorie counting, calorie cycling, counting points, weird hormone injections, juice diets, diets without juice, diet pills, diet patches, etc etc. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But enough about me and my constant struggle to try and run away from my own ass!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">Right! Now for some funny shit! No real theme to this post... Just some randomness and bit of haha! Enjoy, my faithful little butt sluts! (Don't worry if you're not into the butt sluttery... There's always time! Mwahaha!)</span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSzRBMaVD9_yINNGUpd63P4Y1y6NiVi1ROJi_ixc7gb8tBZ0I_fiLosUFhWdxy9hmzHxYX2v85OtsQ7Ai2zlL9_ThBR0lq_SXXflu4e6-q5T16a7mwnaw2pz5srjFSsqg4DBUjDyp2mnHt/s1600/4df8da6db4b33.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSzRBMaVD9_yINNGUpd63P4Y1y6NiVi1ROJi_ixc7gb8tBZ0I_fiLosUFhWdxy9hmzHxYX2v85OtsQ7Ai2zlL9_ThBR0lq_SXXflu4e6-q5T16a7mwnaw2pz5srjFSsqg4DBUjDyp2mnHt/s400/4df8da6db4b33.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">This is fucking hilarious because 'Jason' remains completely clueless as to WTF the joke is! 5 gold stars to 'Adam' for taking the piss in such a fantastic and unrelenting fashion! <br />
It's bumps on your dick! Hahaha! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF0ndM8UyDrmgxxh7Lm4kTPHxRJPsKTPXsOiEEIqZdjnZQROaKqwnsFmGadFlxLL2_Da5Bg4dPhhi0XqmRB1AWnr60sn4kCsung428N0GJDtTBgSeZgCV96SS92cTGk-wQsPb8lbLLXKVw/s1600/dbf028a19925c630f6638e453d7fa7d8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF0ndM8UyDrmgxxh7Lm4kTPHxRJPsKTPXsOiEEIqZdjnZQROaKqwnsFmGadFlxLL2_Da5Bg4dPhhi0XqmRB1AWnr60sn4kCsung428N0GJDtTBgSeZgCV96SS92cTGk-wQsPb8lbLLXKVw/s400/dbf028a19925c630f6638e453d7fa7d8.jpg" width="298" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">WHAT THE FUCK is a non gender child???</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxRpaPWgao0n668ycgQqrZYGHOSozhW7gRnrnbjzIvNnXHdtR2ryFdvCmks0wlpvI_AvRMiqdW0bes0za5WzPVBVwF2paWrmwL1x92o86rres7FlW9foiXRzsprdjsP5yluNhd5xkSCUbC/s1600/deep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxRpaPWgao0n668ycgQqrZYGHOSozhW7gRnrnbjzIvNnXHdtR2ryFdvCmks0wlpvI_AvRMiqdW0bes0za5WzPVBVwF2paWrmwL1x92o86rres7FlW9foiXRzsprdjsP5yluNhd5xkSCUbC/s400/deep.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">At first, I thought this was funny due to the EPIC camel toe of the chick in the full body Lycra suit thingy... Until, I noticed the chick behind them ramming her hand in her own ass! Personally, I prefer to keep my phone in my bag or my bra! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2-wd-DzpkB0Oj0Oz3dF8Zj85CmoB7I_g6xzXURi6NwHL7ZP55WhT5nVkZDQOdMEdLgTzV-WTto3O13IRzo5Z9Yqfv_0n_nervUHBf3yiH2_Q1humV4ltakikHctdlXXBh-REOGBnc31O2/s1600/tumblr_lmt5oqIkSa1qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2-wd-DzpkB0Oj0Oz3dF8Zj85CmoB7I_g6xzXURi6NwHL7ZP55WhT5nVkZDQOdMEdLgTzV-WTto3O13IRzo5Z9Yqfv_0n_nervUHBf3yiH2_Q1humV4ltakikHctdlXXBh-REOGBnc31O2/s400/tumblr_lmt5oqIkSa1qctkcl.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">Ummm... <u>Even if</u> I was pro anal and/ or seeing a blue dog with a pole coming out of it's ass, this is still really fucking weird!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0WXcECPvHxW-GXToIFeOkXEwPW4dT0LS7_y1BzdmfJQg7Yig1-tIRvi6nTeUqLLpPgeIQQAxVQxzaV9L36Jk1q-NfaSjnSSq1XdG41TiohNLGvkyvKOIoB7g9apNlg5pq1Ly_ftzrD_8G/s1600/8b9db4b6af4a500aff65cbcf8efe6901.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="371" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0WXcECPvHxW-GXToIFeOkXEwPW4dT0LS7_y1BzdmfJQg7Yig1-tIRvi6nTeUqLLpPgeIQQAxVQxzaV9L36Jk1q-NfaSjnSSq1XdG41TiohNLGvkyvKOIoB7g9apNlg5pq1Ly_ftzrD_8G/s400/8b9db4b6af4a500aff65cbcf8efe6901.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">Just in case you can't read this note:<br />
"I AM RUNNING AWAY BECAUSE YOU THINK I FARTED WHEN I DIDN'T. PS YOU ARE MEAN.<br />
I laughed my ass off when I read this. Then I showed Todd, and he also shared the giggles... I went on t say, 'If i found this note from one of our kids, I'd laugh for like an hour and then go and look for them... Todd said I should look first, then laugh... I was like, "Pffft... You go out and look I'll stay home and laugh about the kid/s leaving home because of some hilarious mistaken fart incident! <br />
FART-GATE 2011!<br />
Bags the rights to the movie version!<br />
</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgSpYmBIfxeUMRFozJuj6VXzYdKtkLtOWq4R2xBUAiAQ4yTDAtRuXf9rSmpXjlsdMzDVroCGECuzu8DzQAAh_PK_FB-FClvFugIJf1PX5tLD5p9TVAxkj8QJqGvHX-jDb0XuIyEZm0Ro2L/s1600/0a6648f5b968628dd6125aab808f9f18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgSpYmBIfxeUMRFozJuj6VXzYdKtkLtOWq4R2xBUAiAQ4yTDAtRuXf9rSmpXjlsdMzDVroCGECuzu8DzQAAh_PK_FB-FClvFugIJf1PX5tLD5p9TVAxkj8QJqGvHX-jDb0XuIyEZm0Ro2L/s400/0a6648f5b968628dd6125aab808f9f18.jpg" width="286" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">Hahahaha! But, seriously that would not be something you'd expect to see in your rear view mirror!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH7L_QKWoO0lXeVqade6_pJAyFd_a2UduxzTvU1ZURdEPlkbp1dkDIMDcz9PptyrahjXRjuJwBjm3YQ37hjqFYoW1ZdXIOV0Bu4i3StUgDTmzc1AdQvyqq_kYAbKyAcXfyd1wJ-VHQpihQ/s1600/37fd1f1b8dfc35ae071e9bb19186673c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH7L_QKWoO0lXeVqade6_pJAyFd_a2UduxzTvU1ZURdEPlkbp1dkDIMDcz9PptyrahjXRjuJwBjm3YQ37hjqFYoW1ZdXIOV0Bu4i3StUgDTmzc1AdQvyqq_kYAbKyAcXfyd1wJ-VHQpihQ/s400/37fd1f1b8dfc35ae071e9bb19186673c.jpg" width="280" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">Aaaahahahaha! I don't know what the fuck to say about this one!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhooG3l8nrJrWEE1JCQS1JS3QuS8rndw5gwcc0T9y4Zjhbxj964aQNrEAH3MNYIDMiYW49fyh6qMgJ-cpG2xqkdFYFyiXMCrLiMV_dvL9BWNosbLilAw3gZUrh6v2zDwKP028EQRjR5D75Y/s1600/bc6ca9345b87b49e390779d2ce17b8b3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhooG3l8nrJrWEE1JCQS1JS3QuS8rndw5gwcc0T9y4Zjhbxj964aQNrEAH3MNYIDMiYW49fyh6qMgJ-cpG2xqkdFYFyiXMCrLiMV_dvL9BWNosbLilAw3gZUrh6v2zDwKP028EQRjR5D75Y/s400/bc6ca9345b87b49e390779d2ce17b8b3.jpg" width="286" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">WHAT?!? and WHY!?!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgowVsY4MwLQU6ijEIQFiBBP48pUwbEXtW_KCJDBklRycKfxDQAo1E3pEfYwIBG-0FkxwA8frM8nV-A13SGbJv5JYZb2f6NCQnZ9lIdZ_ADeDjjY1OEvDEm6lvc2BMJsWBI7MeidR3t3sVi/s1600/fotos-picantes83-23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="365" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgowVsY4MwLQU6ijEIQFiBBP48pUwbEXtW_KCJDBklRycKfxDQAo1E3pEfYwIBG-0FkxwA8frM8nV-A13SGbJv5JYZb2f6NCQnZ9lIdZ_ADeDjjY1OEvDEm6lvc2BMJsWBI7MeidR3t3sVi/s400/fotos-picantes83-23.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">Seems legit!?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKo1GRWJaJbm8KpNN2nWOWv46dcp4GZcth8Jgg_1H4nhFi7vUrkjuBcW0vxaa-is-GRJ-rl2kMCdjttQnyCeWBU2IRwn8vljZFF51NFXp0DOdvDcA2B9mD6QZbzzKEYiNdQeC1uhENgFUJ/s1600/tumblr_lt4wsc4C1d1qctkcl.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKo1GRWJaJbm8KpNN2nWOWv46dcp4GZcth8Jgg_1H4nhFi7vUrkjuBcW0vxaa-is-GRJ-rl2kMCdjttQnyCeWBU2IRwn8vljZFF51NFXp0DOdvDcA2B9mD6QZbzzKEYiNdQeC1uhENgFUJ/s400/tumblr_lt4wsc4C1d1qctkcl.gif" width="316" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">Asians: World leaders in permanently and thoroughly fucking up young children!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTo-ndqyXHXlczi-p6NcEAFcIvAQVbkt7fTTFKJxKv_21GYc3A1KYjTXxC2SuVQ8eyBrNISRsuA7TrkQpgCzoJomynpyshej_UzR8PlULo6rQFQKrq87v-54dfHBOeMjRMZlE5X7i_e0Tr/s1600/bdd503f009748de5f8e47affe2ab7e33.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;"><img border="0" height="325" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTo-ndqyXHXlczi-p6NcEAFcIvAQVbkt7fTTFKJxKv_21GYc3A1KYjTXxC2SuVQ8eyBrNISRsuA7TrkQpgCzoJomynpyshej_UzR8PlULo6rQFQKrq87v-54dfHBOeMjRMZlE5X7i_e0Tr/s400/bdd503f009748de5f8e47affe2ab7e33.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: small;">Nothing funny about this... It's just way too cute not to share! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">So that's it for now, Kiddies! I will definitely not wait another 6 weeks before posting another blog, PROMISE!!! </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">Until then...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">Love ya guts!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">Love, Jen xoxo</span><br />
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</span>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-46546402806344219532011-09-12T00:59:00.000+08:002011-09-12T00:59:06.842+08:00Up to my arm pits in shit! Fucking LITERALLY!!!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">First thing's first! I am currently typing this post on my</span><b style="font-family: arial;"> epic new laptop!</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> It is AWESOME-</span>NESS<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> personified! It is totally fucking mind blowing-</span>ly<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> turbo charged to the MAXIMUM possible extreme allowed by the laws of the universe!!! This would not be possible if not for the donations of some <b>super</b> fan-tab-u-</span>lous<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> people! They didn't have to help me, but they did anyway, for no other reason other than the fact that I asked. Their generosity amazed and surprised me and honestly, I am and always will be, forever thankful! Who are these wonderful giving, souls? Well, without further ado, I present my heroes! Yaaaaayyyyy! Weeeeeeee! Oh and if you enjoy my blog, then you owe them a thank you, too, otherwise there would be no blog! </span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6urh2B-LPABo8B41b9G1b1HVH88LQHeh7d6ewgRS81qQGuGSNKuYoXaJ9buZ4DjACXaTQeRtFhxPusQxNO21fRXylydhVP3xzUBrMpHSHXPRs-cv9bIXCDxh9x74IXUNSPIlVJ7maDjbG/s1600/star.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6urh2B-LPABo8B41b9G1b1HVH88LQHeh7d6ewgRS81qQGuGSNKuYoXaJ9buZ4DjACXaTQeRtFhxPusQxNO21fRXylydhVP3xzUBrMpHSHXPRs-cv9bIXCDxh9x74IXUNSPIlVJ7maDjbG/s400/star.png" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWAIcFf0I3tNVZF9euadpyGtNojOHnNFWP32L4l5WA8HvqVWnj8hz7kOx5rOtHqkx-goqDnSF4rDFuJ4DTzVTWSo1liXnTef22EBGwcAs3U-Tc__MLO4lYWWnnvong0APNKvJFy6cxG_iO/s1600/donate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWAIcFf0I3tNVZF9euadpyGtNojOHnNFWP32L4l5WA8HvqVWnj8hz7kOx5rOtHqkx-goqDnSF4rDFuJ4DTzVTWSo1liXnTef22EBGwcAs3U-Tc__MLO4lYWWnnvong0APNKvJFy6cxG_iO/s400/donate.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Z9ztPsuIQUPKw2WLSdWYCeEIIXqrYBwbUYlepC-FfA2LeSsT16Z1J8miC-emH68gHz5-78l9-mzVbZT7TEY_9H6qixyO57I2B0eYHzlr_hY9LoUSD5Imfz6Uql1Pv_bC2QoyhHqbrldv/s1600/face.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Z9ztPsuIQUPKw2WLSdWYCeEIIXqrYBwbUYlepC-FfA2LeSsT16Z1J8miC-emH68gHz5-78l9-mzVbZT7TEY_9H6qixyO57I2B0eYHzlr_hY9LoUSD5Imfz6Uql1Pv_bC2QoyhHqbrldv/s400/face.png" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">Hahaha WOW that's freaky!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">And to everyone else who wanted to donate but couldn't, your support and encouragement was/ is amazing and means the world to me, so thank you! Honestly! THANK YOU!!! I'd be no where without my loyal, nutty and awesome readers!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">NOW!!! On to the good stuff...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">So, you may have noticed, I haven't blogged in a while (about 2 weeks- which for me is a life time!) I've been in a shitty funk so I didn't want to write a blog that lead to mass suicides or even worse, gave the impression I support emo-ism! Besides not wanting to write negative shit, I actually had NO desire to blog. NONE! This has never happened before! There's been times I've been tired or just not 'feeling it' so I've postponed posting for a day or 2 but this is totally different. The possibility of giving the whole blogging gig away altogether even seriously crossed my mind. I was just feeling OFF!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGIv0xBeFXvN5HBC_CgFMZpkrIPOu2qwMPP5tibG-o5CAkrqOkPCHmzAv5mPEYVttcjNNXQ-gxKh1KEbkTqgYHyGYYuK3w1q31Qr9XZ7p_k-wLpNAmBy-HUez9E6Xqx6Tx-cFgDqfbOmje/s1600/crazydog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGIv0xBeFXvN5HBC_CgFMZpkrIPOu2qwMPP5tibG-o5CAkrqOkPCHmzAv5mPEYVttcjNNXQ-gxKh1KEbkTqgYHyGYYuK3w1q31Qr9XZ7p_k-wLpNAmBy-HUez9E6Xqx6Tx-cFgDqfbOmje/s400/crazydog.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">Yeah, a little like this... And a bit like... This...<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-7GHgDMw-y2pBL1__lvt-RroGqsnhPCpt2gy6lLaeDlhMnGQLY_b7uqO8hKIU8NWYLyy-7RpNXqJA0rF78vulyLb-0JUuEaAaebM_F-ciM14t2XnCwrNq0jAT53vt6uuZ66ZPedNPdYjm/s1600/186429-charlie-sheen-039-s-bizarre-rant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-7GHgDMw-y2pBL1__lvt-RroGqsnhPCpt2gy6lLaeDlhMnGQLY_b7uqO8hKIU8NWYLyy-7RpNXqJA0rF78vulyLb-0JUuEaAaebM_F-ciM14t2XnCwrNq0jAT53vt6uuZ66ZPedNPdYjm/s320/186429-charlie-sheen-039-s-bizarre-rant.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">But obviously, you're reading this... Which means I'm writing it... So, not all is totally lost. Before you freak out and heave your PC at a wall because you figure I'm going to go through every single shitty detail of why I'm in a poxy mood... Relax... I'm not going to bore you with my shit! Plus, I just popped a couple of Valium so I don't remember half of it anyway! Half of what!? </span>Eg<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">-fucking-z</span>actly<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">So ever since having my beautiful fat boy, </span>Logie<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">-Bear, almost 2 years ago I have been very </span>un<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">-awesome! I had a difficult pregnancy, which I basically went through alone because my hubby was working away 4 weeks at a time. Then I got post natal depression. Which is a mother fucker. Pretty much any </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Disney/P</span>ixar<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> movies made me hysterical and if anyone witnessed this, they would have been like... "</span>Woah!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> That bitch needs a padded cell and some </span>Enya<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> STAT!" Although, I think the E</span>nya<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> would have pushed my right over the edge! So yeah that happened. My </span>Prozac<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> no longer worked...Booo! So, I went on a new drug and was </span>ok<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">My problem is, 2 years on, I feel fucked again and I don't feel like myself... At fucking all! It's not post natal (which I don't any more). I have depression. But, this is beyond depression and beyond post natal... There's a difference... Just trust me. I just feel shit! I eat fuck all and can't lose weight, I'm tired, I have headaches, blah blah blah. So I'm pretty sure I have a retarded thyroid! Fucking window </span>licker<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">! But, I wont know until </span>Friday<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> when I see my doc so fingers crossed it IS thyroid </span>coz<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> then I can get some drugs, make some appropriate changes and then, hopefully once again I can rock out with my cock out... Or jam out with my clam out... *Disclaimer there with be no actual clam exposure!</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">I think, not knowing and wanting to get this bullshit sorted is part of what's doing my head in. That and a whole heap of other crap that's happened in the last week.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">So fingers crossed for me, please and I'll let you all know whats going on when I know!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">Anyway! So last night I totally redefined the meaning of having a shit day! Like, fucking epically! Logan isn't really pro having his afternoon nap so once he's down for a sleep it's literally like no one make a god damn noise... If you have to fart or something... Don't... Or spread your cheeks and puff it out! One of the </span>other<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> rules is, I told Isabelle if she just does wees while he's asleep, don't flush. This is because she smashes the </span>toilet<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> seat down like it owes her money, climbs on it, flushes, usually while yelling 'Mummy, I flushed!'</span><br />
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Ok,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> so you get the picture... </span>Logan's<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> napping, </span>Isabelle's<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> gone to pee 'x' amount of times and I had to poop... Sorry but, it happens! I didn't even look in the bowl until I stood up to flush... I swear there was a fucking </span>ROLL's<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> worth of toilet paper in there. So, I flush the toilet and.... Blob blob blurb... The water fucking rises! I'm like FAAARK</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">! I waited, hoping it would get it's shit together (excuse the pun) and go down, but no! Not owning a plunger, I tried to push it all down with the toilet brush... Which turns out wasn't long enough and just resulted in me dunking my hand in piss and shit as well as having </span>nards<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> embedded in the bristles of the brush... By this time, </span>Todd's<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> heard my panic and yelled from the lounge room asking "W</span>hat the fuck,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> I was doing!?" I'm like "the toilets blocked! I'll fix it! Don't fucking go in there! I will fix it! </span>DON'T<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> GO IN THERE!!! He laughed at me and said "Jesus, woman! How big was your shit!?" I just yelled "FUCK UP, TODD!!!!"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">So, I got a big stick that usually resides in my window sill, to try and jam the paper and shit down the 'S' bend... It wasn't flexible enough... So I ran out the back, (while once again reiterating to </span>Todd<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> "don't you fucking go in there!") to cut off a length of garden hose... Longer than than the stick... And flexible! It. Did. Not. Work!!!</span></span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">So, I did what I had to do when faced with a bowl full of my shit and </span>piss<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">... I went in... I faced my shit demon! Well, my arm did... I know, I know! Fucking gross! So, I basically looked like one of those farmers who puts their arm up a cow... I'm slowly moving chunks of toilet paper and shit around, while thinking... Not much really, other than turd, turd, paper, turd, paper... Then finally, after what seemed like 4 hours, and throwing my shoulder out from contorting my arm to the shape of the 'S' bend, the fucker unblocked and it all went down the </span>shitter<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">... Literally!</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">This was followed by me scrubbing my arm like I was prepping for surgery, cleaning the toilet, scrubbing my arm again, pine-o-</span>cleen<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">-</span>ing<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> my entire arm, yelling to Todd "I never want to be a plumber!", before showering... Vigorously...Taking a handful Valium (with my LEFT hand- just in case), followed by trying not to crap ever again! So, before you tell me 'you had a shit week".... SHUT THE FUCK UP! F</span>ucking<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"> hell no, you didn't!!!</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6BdTx0IxoooMUDlNt3po47dysCXjtxQlymSGbPVzueb4xmc_SGTf6bymii-_Nq8E_zJLHr2IC3DzllRmxQLlm2tSNMHvm7XxT8C2MvyGK_NN_QORnW6zymAjYJFtmN2iwvZ8ulKeyQl3-/s1600/662811-simpsons_willie_with_arm_down_toilet_thumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><img border="0" height="373" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6BdTx0IxoooMUDlNt3po47dysCXjtxQlymSGbPVzueb4xmc_SGTf6bymii-_Nq8E_zJLHr2IC3DzllRmxQLlm2tSNMHvm7XxT8C2MvyGK_NN_QORnW6zymAjYJFtmN2iwvZ8ulKeyQl3-/s400/662811-simpsons_willie_with_arm_down_toilet_thumb.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Totally me... I wasn't rocking the devilish smile, though! (At least, I don't think so... I couldn't see my own face- No mirror in my crapper... Any more.)</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0XqaN0mMKYvcqC2XDKv930JaZl3g3_5ddhh8mv6JfWyt8sPsWuMX7IWqz986FnE1NGILbQmG_zWItxPg-uZ_GAVdkcMmze42D7e3kB6HNsSZFKn22jTuVQ0YKyHMZ_l0IymjbzkS2Ez_J/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0XqaN0mMKYvcqC2XDKv930JaZl3g3_5ddhh8mv6JfWyt8sPsWuMX7IWqz986FnE1NGILbQmG_zWItxPg-uZ_GAVdkcMmze42D7e3kB6HNsSZFKn22jTuVQ0YKyHMZ_l0IymjbzkS2Ez_J/s400/images.jpg" width="309" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">ALMOST ME! Except no stilettos... And this chick has no arse... Or vagina?</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">So, there you have it! I apologise if you vomited!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">Until next time (which hopefully wont be so fucking long!)...</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">Love your guts!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #ffe599;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></span><br />
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</span></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-42672299785462755452011-08-28T01:30:00.000+08:002011-08-28T01:30:49.525+08:00Jen's 50-ish Life Rules For Winners!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bare with me, for a moment while I step out of the twilight zone...I'll get back to that in a minute. But first, it could be to do with the fact that I'm on like 6 different kinds of counter productive drugs, or it could be the fact that it's late at night and whilst, normally I have no fucking attention span, due to some freak occurrence that almost always happens after midnight and always when I am alone... For some reason, I become VERY easy to please in regards to what TV programs I will watch... Which is pretty much anything. I guess it's kind of like being stoned... Except not at all. Confused? Yeah, I'm totally fucking lost. Wow... And I'm back.... Ok, so I can sit there and watch something, I am NOT enjoying at fucking all, for long periods of time and usually with my mouth agape... Literally... I look like one of those 'real' sex dolls... Except my vagina isn't removable... Actually, that was an overly bold statement, considering I've never tried removing it. Hang on... Yeah, it's most definitely NOT removable...</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGwGPXB2RTn9ykCj0BnBJTgWl9gT4pKaIU-KvARJR_Cuhu0yX_2O6nvoQikeWZHEDmO1nu3noFLxD-rSi1PPPlmLg3hFWCkb-AAfLo8KccZROjz18DA5KBR4MURmRX-Dwo4xTVz_oZIq9l/s1600/Showa-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGwGPXB2RTn9ykCj0BnBJTgWl9gT4pKaIU-KvARJR_Cuhu0yX_2O6nvoQikeWZHEDmO1nu3noFLxD-rSi1PPPlmLg3hFWCkb-AAfLo8KccZROjz18DA5KBR4MURmRX-Dwo4xTVz_oZIq9l/s400/Showa-1.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">Something like this... But less Asian!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lost again! Where was I? Twilight zone. Drugs. Midnight. Drugs (again). TV. Stoned. NO. Lost. Found myself. Mouth open. Sex doll... Vagina! Ok, yes! So, I can sit and watch fucking SHIT... Intensely. Intensely? Either intensely or it's the most awake form of being asleep there is... Whatever! I fucking told you to bare with me! Twilight zone! Ok so, I was literally just in my lounge room before I started this and I had only walked in there to turn the TV down but not off as I like a little background noise as I search for free porn... Not really... </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not that interesting. So I walk in, turn the TV down (well, technically the stereo) as planned... Then instead of walking back out, I sit down... What was this shit? I wondered. It's shit, why do you care? Walk away! Get up and walk the fuck away! You have shit to do and its late, just walk the fuck away! But no, I sit down... Now thankfully I only sat down to watch this 'shit' for like 5 minutes tops... But normally... Before midnight, 2 seconds and I'd be like "NO! Fuck off!" But, it was after midnight and I was enamoured with this crap-fest! I even pressed the 'info' button on the remote and found out it was 'The Pirates of Penzance'... In the 5 minutes that followed I learnt 3 things...</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5184B6cwtPbNbjI4hFY-Eo-JrnrWIl1TdAW6Mwji1yza3InYBKeHihYA2wknrQmbBXsQe3LiUtGzmWPj2PKdhkuwilcS0p9GbG6PcuyC-WBLeTYHg-9ImvHuvisQxiEx7DINBQcVL389N/s1600/the-pirates-of-penzance-movie-poster-1983-1010271892.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5184B6cwtPbNbjI4hFY-Eo-JrnrWIl1TdAW6Mwji1yza3InYBKeHihYA2wknrQmbBXsQe3LiUtGzmWPj2PKdhkuwilcS0p9GbG6PcuyC-WBLeTYHg-9ImvHuvisQxiEx7DINBQcVL389N/s400/the-pirates-of-penzance-movie-poster-1983-1010271892.jpg" width="270" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">Yes, this shit!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxQuv9Ks0r-C7E7L0IBq7DKIQFXfqlsf8-Ejx3HqVnF_c0twYvt0Fos8HMfKUxI0dv-Kd2TZEAdQdfpYEij3WilJhsguc3TebfWuqcvKwmAcvuLYjidQB5idShjc2BJROnfT-PniWznKfM/s1600/gay-pirate.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxQuv9Ks0r-C7E7L0IBq7DKIQFXfqlsf8-Ejx3HqVnF_c0twYvt0Fos8HMfKUxI0dv-Kd2TZEAdQdfpYEij3WilJhsguc3TebfWuqcvKwmAcvuLYjidQB5idShjc2BJROnfT-PniWznKfM/s200/gay-pirate.jpeg" style="cursor: move;" width="179" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1) Apparently all pirates are raging homo-sexuals? I mean, I'm not surprised... All those men out at sea, no women, wooden legs left and right. All that wood! Mmm! Scurvy and wood! WOOD. Wood is good! Would you... Fucking aye... Wow and once again... Right outta left field... If I went any more left of field I'd end up... Right!? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2) Angela Lansbury, shits the fuck out of me. It's her fucking head! God, it fucks me right the fuck off! This 2nd fact took me totally by surprise. I've never much thought about the woman before tonight but for the 30seconds she was in the 5 minutes worth of the movie, I watched I wanted her to feel pain and, I wanted to cause it! Wait... Is she dead? I just Googled it... No she's not dead. How is that possible? She must be like 180! What the fuck? Devils work that is! How is she not dead yet? Hmmm project! I'm kidding! I am not going to whack the 'Murder, She Wrote' lady! Maybe just some mild stalking and 1 or 2 well time kicks in the head... And</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQE1my7e6S2nZwR6YFlNvtXwSXutr0IsCtTQiMfiaqHZ0UpqGGnMAjZhsElSwXm1Mxo-lz1npfaBdDhkR-UebtBrUGAuo1YoAR9rYLoC4aWIjpIngjhSxNPQZb4uKYJhD7VCqnBKSDotZt/s1600/tumblr_lfvfcbmTxQ1qavnk6o1_400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQE1my7e6S2nZwR6YFlNvtXwSXutr0IsCtTQiMfiaqHZ0UpqGGnMAjZhsElSwXm1Mxo-lz1npfaBdDhkR-UebtBrUGAuo1YoAR9rYLoC4aWIjpIngjhSxNPQZb4uKYJhD7VCqnBKSDotZt/s400/tumblr_lfvfcbmTxQ1qavnk6o1_400.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3) I want Kevin Kline's thigh high boots...Not specifically the ones he was wearing... I do not wish to share musty thigh odours with old Kev-bo! Plus I'm like 5" 1' so thigh high boots on him would end up being labia high boots on me... Friction.... Mmm... And it brings new meaning to the story of puss in boots, doesn't it?</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9w95_93B_2FlgQIEq8dpeaE3MY7WSH1gMKp4fm7Vcdr3CuESTz1h0Z6tiwhrLpv-t4WrZbS8h9FXGu1iFELVCYXvWwQ3SB8y995vUdJHD0ikQ90B_FC4uzPQfuSXUDLsFIbh_LNr-uiDP/s1600/puss_in_boots_new_shrek.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9w95_93B_2FlgQIEq8dpeaE3MY7WSH1gMKp4fm7Vcdr3CuESTz1h0Z6tiwhrLpv-t4WrZbS8h9FXGu1iFELVCYXvWwQ3SB8y995vUdJHD0ikQ90B_FC4uzPQfuSXUDLsFIbh_LNr-uiDP/s320/puss_in_boots_new_shrek.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway! So, I feel better now that I've shared my feelings about that! In this post I am giving you 50-ish rules to live by... Or die trying... Although that kind of defeats the purpose so stay alive mmm-kay!?! Some of these are borrowed. Some are from friends but most of them are mine! ENJOY!!!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* If you have to tell everyone how fantastic you are... Then you're not!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Don't put yourself down. There's plenty of people willing to do it for you! If you are one of those people who puts themselves down, hoping for a compliment... Everyone is onto your shit, or they soon will be! Grow up!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Just because you love someone, doesn't mean they are good for you. The right person should make you a better person, without you faking it or having to try. If you bring out the worst in each other, it'll never work!</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpx_r6rHeOsCyovYNCdXIB39CRel3LVvXcHMMrtxCj3tcUzCKY0quibFZdXbAaSu26SEg-7iP8oxgfhb2veiq-xvPOn6e5XuKWW3mgvcfhJ7na1KvihWxisdMc2huJOT-yb8L7nxuhJWvr/s1600/redneck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpx_r6rHeOsCyovYNCdXIB39CRel3LVvXcHMMrtxCj3tcUzCKY0quibFZdXbAaSu26SEg-7iP8oxgfhb2veiq-xvPOn6e5XuKWW3mgvcfhJ7na1KvihWxisdMc2huJOT-yb8L7nxuhJWvr/s320/redneck.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Don't use the 'N' word! It's fucking disgusting and either makes you look like a fucking try hard Eminem wannabe or just an ignorant fuck. It's not, so much that it's racist but that the people who 1st used were ALL inbred child molesters and fucking brain dead bigots, who believed themselves superior because they ran slow, had small penises and could get sun burnt!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Girls... You either show legs or boobs... Not both. Any shorts that hurt you vag are not a good choice. Any skirt that isn't allergy safe is also a bad idea.. What the fuck is allergy safe? Well, if there's any risk of you sneezing and your twot popping out... It isn't allergy safe! Also if you plan on getting smashed (although, I advise against this as it's not a good look) wear pants and secure your boobies in place!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY1QSXtklpZ6pThhACZAuPGzCi6Mz9JoIeTS132fTh89PZjbrfIT_KOHB39XLpxJVFrZ9HoLPTVf6gIruCu0RMwa9iVtni73YTOEUI-Q4sRBYjJTLFtZ6bv_k7MZWFu_jwc-MLWDCdjko2/s1600/paris-hilton-105.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY1QSXtklpZ6pThhACZAuPGzCi6Mz9JoIeTS132fTh89PZjbrfIT_KOHB39XLpxJVFrZ9HoLPTVf6gIruCu0RMwa9iVtni73YTOEUI-Q4sRBYjJTLFtZ6bv_k7MZWFu_jwc-MLWDCdjko2/s320/paris-hilton-105.jpg" width="220" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">I can still see your wonky eye!!!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Boys: in a dessert island/ life in prison type situation... Remember you're only gay if you receive. Coz then your butt hole takes on the role of the vagina!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Don't say anything behind someones back that you wouldn't say to their face... They'll ALWAYS find out!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* If you want something to stay a secret... Don't tell ANYONE.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Also, if you want everyone to know something just tell someone it's a secret... Everyone will know by lunch time.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* No man has ever been shot whilst doing the dishes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Never lick a steak knife.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* If you find an insurance policy with death AND dismemberment cover... Buy it!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex, by asking her 'if she wants to have sex.'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Wear as much black as you can. It makes you look slimmer and cooler. But avoid black jeans.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhESRNTlgQ1S8TBi1m6Xmq_vqBkBqhbDjIVg8JC_fcWMCSPt8JYA5pm5NiG3wAhmWLuO4ESXlA2IckjgcIyO33-P7_3FNr0nkO2pBQ-tFJr99liHlAXhmgUsuTR9vtKTrG61SiiGds5HqxK/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhESRNTlgQ1S8TBi1m6Xmq_vqBkBqhbDjIVg8JC_fcWMCSPt8JYA5pm5NiG3wAhmWLuO4ESXlA2IckjgcIyO33-P7_3FNr0nkO2pBQ-tFJr99liHlAXhmgUsuTR9vtKTrG61SiiGds5HqxK/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">WHY???</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Also, don't get a tattoo on your penis or of your penis.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* If you are suss about someone... Shut the fuck the up! It's amazing the shit people will tell you, just to avoid an uncomfortable silence!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Never stay in a motel... But if you must make sure there are no paintings of either Roy Orbison or John Wayne on the walls.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEqQ6nY4IzEyY6foFqOmedsuGzhsNEA9nHt1tCVHACjeES_jYS-1I48aWas2biqAn3Wf162Kp-K46ehj2fHXUBAtbjXYe9xJj9dBTb-DgaLxmikTO3VI2y8h-EtoZiY8DEmPHFqwDvW50M/s1600/original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEqQ6nY4IzEyY6foFqOmedsuGzhsNEA9nHt1tCVHACjeES_jYS-1I48aWas2biqAn3Wf162Kp-K46ehj2fHXUBAtbjXYe9xJj9dBTb-DgaLxmikTO3VI2y8h-EtoZiY8DEmPHFqwDvW50M/s200/original.jpg" width="158" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Never wear a bow tie... Only 2 kinds of people wear bow ties... Pee wee Herman (who looks like a child molester) and clowns! Who ARE child molesters! Get my point!?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* If, while with friends, your partner gives you that look like you should just shut the fuck up... NEVER EVER say 'WHAT WAS THAT LOOK FOR!?" Trust me, you'll find out later!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Spell check and read your resume at least 3 times before sending it to anyone! I have gotten jobs based on my fuck up free resume!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw4IH0E7sWpF2Dlkq7WJ4n2ZIMMNLcoqI_5zuqvPtNqfuYHbliQF1IcoC5cL7XzUdHSxfgVu0uOOshyphenhyphenVPavXl1IJEKqcXSnfv2GbChd8BAV2oy6gvKFhxnG1X-YBuEOJSalIFci44PmRU_/s1600/bad-makeup-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw4IH0E7sWpF2Dlkq7WJ4n2ZIMMNLcoqI_5zuqvPtNqfuYHbliQF1IcoC5cL7XzUdHSxfgVu0uOOshyphenhyphenVPavXl1IJEKqcXSnfv2GbChd8BAV2oy6gvKFhxnG1X-YBuEOJSalIFci44PmRU_/s320/bad-makeup-7.jpg" width="269" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Don't ever wear bra's or shoes that don't fit</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Check your make-up in at least 3 different lighting schemes when going anywhere where other people are taking photos</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Always try and have all pictures of yourself taken on YOUR camera... That way you can delete the shitty ones!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Anyone who tells you "you look like an interesting person" has imagined sticking large un-lubed objects in your anus!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* You only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsBIqqpZUN5FVIII3K6-OLj9x9fjtkQza9Hs9yoebjlrF69M9ei9IvTRm87cvj31krDuiIn2f0GY9E3U6l7E-iwKjFYjuy1e9xj0xpiznwoQsKvOcLoDLvbtsEYuL6c-9zJ4-yNiKDSRkf/s1600/images+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsBIqqpZUN5FVIII3K6-OLj9x9fjtkQza9Hs9yoebjlrF69M9ei9IvTRm87cvj31krDuiIn2f0GY9E3U6l7E-iwKjFYjuy1e9xj0xpiznwoQsKvOcLoDLvbtsEYuL6c-9zJ4-yNiKDSRkf/s400/images+%25281%2529.jpg" width="257" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Girls! Your eyebrows Should be in perfect proportion to the rest of your face... So many of you of you have it so so wrong! The picture to the left is a FULL-PROOF guide to shaping your brows! Get a long thin make-up brush or a pencil. Hold it in line with your nose as per line 1 in the picture. Your brows should start directly in line with the outer corner of your nose. Keep the brush next to your nose and turn it out so it sits on the outer corner of your eye. This is where your brows should end. As per line 3. As for the arch or highest point of your brows, look straight ahead. The outer edge of your iris (the coloured part) is where your arch should be as per line 2. See! Easy! Don't over pluck. You'll like like a crack head.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Long hair is almost always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair... By then you're stuck with them. The hair gets shorter and the pants get higher!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*NEVER, for any reason cry during or after sex... It's just weird!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Men believe that yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Girls! If a man says something that you can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, they usually meant it the other way.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* If somethings smells it's either really good cheese or really bad meat... If it's anything besides cheese... Don't eat it!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* ALWAYS listen to your gut! 99% of the time it's right. The other 1% of the time you probably just need to take a shit!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* You're under no obligation to tell the truth when asked the number of your sexual partners. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Falling in love is a sure way to gain 10 kilos. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Getting dumped is a sure way to lose 10 kilos. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Every one's better looking when they're younger... Unless they're not!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh97l_dlJjOeTKmmkR7n-BBF5X7AKHEYiQHG7tlDj6Q88Ho9_aTErhYoFcc6eT-qGv0mODQh-sdiwiFzCB_BrAPDoQLN903egSMFym6BES1gTFqLuOL7qBRIsWuwrKiqYKsPykHznEJ5cd4/s1600/brif.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh97l_dlJjOeTKmmkR7n-BBF5X7AKHEYiQHG7tlDj6Q88Ho9_aTErhYoFcc6eT-qGv0mODQh-sdiwiFzCB_BrAPDoQLN903egSMFym6BES1gTFqLuOL7qBRIsWuwrKiqYKsPykHznEJ5cd4/s400/brif.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">Old age is a mother fucker!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Boys, if you decide to set the mood by lighting candles... Only light however many candles you can, in half the time it takes you to "complete" your "transaction"... I'm talking about EJACULATION!!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Never talk to down to your partner, especially in front of your mates... If they're half decent mates this will make them think less of you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* You should NEVER insult someone in their own home! If you wanna insult them, invite them to your's!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* There's always someone better looking, nicer, smarter, richer and better in bed than you... Don't hate them for it, coz there's someone who is better than them too!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Always wash your arm pits and ass crack/dick and balls/ muff twice... Once when you first get into the shower and once just before you get out.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhxp2aqksSrakSYtfLGCXBQeC55FoecCmCdpyUN-M4G6WDkmBp9Z4IgXo_ruiwQH10QkyXm2IsK8OO27dzHtXSYkMUwSWg3dbI84R0YOgFjmVZY9T5-d7GjE0GR-7RpcmZ1RaiaN_Nw3QW/s1600/img_sun_damage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhxp2aqksSrakSYtfLGCXBQeC55FoecCmCdpyUN-M4G6WDkmBp9Z4IgXo_ruiwQH10QkyXm2IsK8OO27dzHtXSYkMUwSWg3dbI84R0YOgFjmVZY9T5-d7GjE0GR-7RpcmZ1RaiaN_Nw3QW/s320/img_sun_damage.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;">THAT is what the sun does to your skin!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Sun cream stops you from getting burnt! Not from getting tanned! Wear it! Unless looking like an old dude's leathery brown nut sack sounds like a good look for a 40 yea old!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Don't add work colleagues (especially bosses) or family members on Facebook. Family are not friends. They are family. They don't find jokes about you loving anal or smoking crack like a mother fucker, amusing and chances are, being family they're already convinced your a crackhead whore before you wrote about it on Facebook.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Don't share every aspect of your life on a social network and then suddenly wonder how every mother fucker who can read seems to know everything about your life!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* In a job interview when asked what your WORST habit is never tell the truth! It's a trick question! I've always gone with: I'm a bit of a perfectionist with an attention to detail and I annoy myself, sometimes! It's answering the question but really, and it's not a bad thing.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Never stick your hand, where you wouldn't stick your dick! (You can stick you dildo any where you like.)</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUk3iVuNvVRGH3To6Tdwm1G8XNSiip70LmR2RRe2wE63aTCukUzh_f6RXIeZbygzlBRa2LgCFT8xfpTTuuerEZ8jW-dwZrhTuMYC3pQ6MSosE5YaVNzIkcBdIgsVdtKzPnDEhv9dlN244u/s400/funny-pictures-hamster-kiss-glass.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Relevant? No! Funny? Yes!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUk3iVuNvVRGH3To6Tdwm1G8XNSiip70LmR2RRe2wE63aTCukUzh_f6RXIeZbygzlBRa2LgCFT8xfpTTuuerEZ8jW-dwZrhTuMYC3pQ6MSosE5YaVNzIkcBdIgsVdtKzPnDEhv9dlN244u/s1600/funny-pictures-hamster-kiss-glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So... That's it! My advice on... Well, a bit of everything really!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love your guts!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></div><br />
<div><div></div></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-70877695208770842272011-08-20T18:51:00.001+08:002011-09-08T12:16:47.207+08:00Fucking, Night Ops!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me and my video camera (which doesn't actually use 'video technology', so shall hence forth be known as my Handycam... Which is convenient coz that's what Sony and a few hundred thousand other people call it)... Where was I!? Oh yeah... Me and my Handycam have a weird relationship... It has nothing to do with home made porn or me filming my neighbour molesting his cat... When my Handycam is in night vision mode it sends me into a bit of a giggly, pre-pubescent, James Bond-ish, ninja, cartwheeling on a fruit cake, weirdo, butt slut (without any actual ninjas. Or fruit cake or anal... Ok, maybe just a little bit of anal!?) Anyway... Me in night vision... It always makes me think I missed my true calling... When I'm in looking at myself in night vision my brown eyes become green and for some reason I have really fucking shiny teeth! Like REALLY really fucking shiny? I must admit... I find myself rather hypnotic and mesmerising. The first time I saw myself looking back at... Myself (?) in that sexy post apocalyptic nuclear war greenish radioactive hue, of what the French call 'le noire vision' (not really) I immediately thought... Fucking night ops... That's what I need to do... Just to be clear, it's not <i>'fucking'</i> night ops... It's more like FUCKING GOD DAMN! Night ops! Like the Navy SEALS or SAS or whatever it is... I was like... I could totally swoon all the terrorists! I'd be like 'hey, terrorists! Look at my green eyes... And ridiculously shiny teeth! Then Boom! Explosions! WAR OVER! But during the day... Brown eyes! I wouldn't have to worry about being caught because even if they did question me, they'd be like... She's not the one... Her eyes are brown and her teeth are not nearly shiny enough! Let the big breasted on go! And like fucking ka-blam! I go onto fight another day! Not to mention, I love wearing all black outfits! It's the perfect crime! Almost too perfect... Mwaaahahahahahaha! Mwaahahaha! *Weird silence* </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Hmmm</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">... </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Forgive my horrible 1 dimensional "art"... The blue lines represent me running... Not a bad case of gas! Ps... If I changed the ninja outfit from black to green... I totally look like a Ninja Turtle!</span></td></tr>
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Why am I telling you this? Well because I had the above conversation, pretty much word for word, with myself (on camera) and it makes me feel a little less crazy if I share it with you... Why? I dunno. Why are you still asking me logical questions? Isn't it clear that I'm not stable?! There are no logical answers to the questions you ask!<br />
<br />
Talking about logic and shit that just doesn't add up... I had to take Logie-Bear to PMH (children's hospital) the other day for his eye appointment... Longest 2 hours of my fucking life! Isabelle was complaining that her shoes hurt and Logan ate the crayons at the activity desk in the waiting room. Then he ran down the hallway and into someones office & yelled at them 'heeeeeey' like he was the Fonz. Then he kept farting while they tested his eyes. Then he climbed on the chair next to me and found the light switches and turned off half the lights in the massive waiting room area! When he wasn't trying to escape, or trying to fuck shit up, he was yelling at random people or screaming at the top of his lungs! He is out of control! I love him to death but once he sets his mind on something... You can let him scream it out, you can hold him down... You can shoot him with a baby rhino tranquilizer dart... But as soon as he gets a chance he'll go right back to what he wants to do.<br />
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<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So he screamed and screamed like a baby pig being lead to slaughter! The looks, I got! Like it's my choice to be the mother of devil boy! Anyway, so after all that we got into see the STUPID Asian doctor. He didn't even acknowledge Logan as a little person. He was like "yeah,he has a squint. He needs surgery. Make him wear an eye patch on his good eye for an hour a day for the next 6 months, then come back and see me." Yeah ok... So what's the eye patch for? Other than making him look like a fat little pirate!? Is there a chance that the bad eye, if forced to work harder will correct itself? The Dr, was like "no, it's to strengthen his vision"... Wait... What? We just got told his vision is fine. "It is", said the doc... But I'm thinking, if the sight in his lazy eye is fucked... No amount of exercising it will restore any lost vision... Vision doesn't work that (I don't think?). Once it's fucked, it's fucked. So after asking this Dr, 6 different ways what the fuck the eye patch was for, we still don't know. According to him, Logan's vision is fine and we can't do anything for his squint except for surgery. The eye patch is suppose to help strengthen his vision... Which is fine... Huh? Even if he did have trouble seeing, which he doesn't, I don't see how the eye patch would help... After all if that's all it took you'd have blind people, the world over rocking the pirate look in hopes of strengthening their vision!? </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
So I'm getting a second opinion. From someone who speaks English! There's no way in fuck I could get fatty to wear an eye patch without him ripping it off... Anything strong enough to prevent him from fucking with it, would tear his skin when I had to remove it! So basically we waited 9 fucking months for an appointment, just for me to get looked at like my baby is the devil and to be told he needs rock the pirate look for the next 6 months!? No fucking thanks.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSeoq1brIBH6UHVsuvhS3EjsltBtkn7Ry4AGMmZGGzbqJCMkfnSyVynfjGKBaSrHi8kVtizZoK3kwXoZVGjbPZriJOSUXWj2ZISm-w2PQCQornzZ_e1ah8ItHIrtnpdYt89h0GUa145w7E/s1600/logabn.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSeoq1brIBH6UHVsuvhS3EjsltBtkn7Ry4AGMmZGGzbqJCMkfnSyVynfjGKBaSrHi8kVtizZoK3kwXoZVGjbPZriJOSUXWj2ZISm-w2PQCQornzZ_e1ah8ItHIrtnpdYt89h0GUa145w7E/s400/logabn.JPG" width="308" /></span></a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial;">So, that's was my week! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial;">Until next time...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial;">Love your guts!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: arial;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-60371810797106648542011-08-10T19:43:00.000+08:002011-08-10T19:43:56.928+08:00Vulva-licious!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Firstly, to those of you dying to know the outcome from the events I covered in my last post, <a href="http://jensspaghettiblog.blogspot.com/2011/08/boners-bargain.html">"Boners? Bargain!"</a> Yes, 'Hard Ten Days' worked... I was surprised at how well it worked! It was kinda like freaky erection... I thought Todd's dick was guna jump out of it's skin... I actually laughed at it for a considerable amount of time... Which surprisingly, didn't effect his freaky porn boner one iota! That being said I think they should change it's name from 'Hard Ten Days' to 'Can't Walk Two Weeks'! Hahaha... If you catch my drift... </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So for those who wanted to know. Yes it absolutely worked and it's quite cheap too! Any further questions can be asked in the comments section below or emailed to me at jenbear1985@gmail.com... Just put <b>Hard Ten Days Questions</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in the subject line so I don't think your message is SPAM and delete it!</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok so my last post was pretty much all about dick... But I did briefly touch on a product called, 'YING DA WANG', which is for females. If you remember, this product claimed to... </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>'Increase secretion of vagina, improve sex desire. After taking this product woman's vagina will began to suck and shrink and women reach orgasm faster. The product is very useful for a sexless person or a woman with a dull and dry vagina....'</b> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which got me thin</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">king: what other sorts of warped and (not so) wonderful products are out there for the fairer sex? This question was soon answered accompanied with fits of giggles from myself as I realised my naivety in regards to the 'wonderful' world of lotions, potions, perfumes, devices, soaps and pills available for your humble run of the mill vagina!</span></span><br />
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So without any further ado...</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF6CbG41uoaqzlAEW7XZ940rBtUqg3j128xIPjI3ukC65xfmq7u8aQ6ndwqlnva_KNpbOqYldHagIqYR0NelNT7nIMI4BAc2X4L4OEQ4rT5NLvAmq1gdOZboXg6z6v-VC1ey9c9R3SYagU/s1600/sabunsari.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF6CbG41uoaqzlAEW7XZ940rBtUqg3j128xIPjI3ukC65xfmq7u8aQ6ndwqlnva_KNpbOqYldHagIqYR0NelNT7nIMI4BAc2X4L4OEQ4rT5NLvAmq1gdOZboXg6z6v-VC1ey9c9R3SYagU/s320/sabunsari.png" width="320" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Name:</b> JAMU SOAP</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (Sabun Sari KESED)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Use: </b>This soap claims to tighten your vagina!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sales Pitch:</b> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rules of Use- Soaped at interior femininity flatten and hushed for a few minutes, rinsed last / to be washed until cleanness.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <br />
Benefits:<br />
1. Creating harmony in the household, husband and wife happiness<br />
2. Absorb excessive mucus<br />
3. Make vagina becomes kesed<br />
4. Eradicating germs in the vagina<br />
5. Eliminate unpleasant odors<br />
6. Eliminate black mole-mole between your thighs</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> 7. Eliminating the smell of sweat is not good</span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok... So how do you use it? Wait, who cares! I want to know WHAT THE FUCK IS KESED!? MORE IMPORTANTLY... WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS BLACK MOLE-MOLE between your thighs? Hahahaha! Someone help me! I can't breathe! </span></span></span><div><div><div><div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZuvgCbzAO-4Yao0EZobUKEjux1MhrZnrLWdaDtG9F_RSBCT02yjY66r0t5lnqCYFSdgA00MCxLwOPvhooI079Z-SZXshXcB6dJZtTT7tYTg1Gt-wAsVaEHlJLa-Xl5FPxhWf4QGb-cBMG/s1600/sure-grip-tighten-her-cream-5-oz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZuvgCbzAO-4Yao0EZobUKEjux1MhrZnrLWdaDtG9F_RSBCT02yjY66r0t5lnqCYFSdgA00MCxLwOPvhooI079Z-SZXshXcB6dJZtTT7tYTg1Gt-wAsVaEHlJLa-Xl5FPxhWf4QGb-cBMG/s320/sure-grip-tighten-her-cream-5-oz.jpg" width="260" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Name:</b> Sure Grip Tighten Her Cream (No, it's not glue like I originally thought)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>Use:</b> Once again... Vaginal Tightening!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>Sales Pitch:</b> Apply a liberal amount of Sure Grip Tighten Her Cream to vaginal walls and opening. Wait 5 minutes and enjoy. Sure Grip Tighten Her Cream also works as a deodorant and disinfectant. It also claims to "Tighten your vagina, like the first time... For that Honeymoon fit!" </span></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I still think it sounds like glue! Plus one of the ingredients is a mold repellent... Nothing says confidence like a mold free vagina!? I discovered a whole range of these vag creams! All with highly amusing names like: 18 again, Tight stuff, China shrink cream, Snuggles, Crazy girl wanna be tight! I think Crazy Girl has to be my favourite! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Name:</b> Doc Johnson Pussy Pump</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Use:</b> My guess... Pumping the pussy!</span></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP7Hi-DoJuwBaIL0xlOz2PH2k-6McQNE22R_ao35H0gLm0dzxb3CsU_aWKUKsyxtmWuUeBJvPpCptku3V_5ZhHvdgd2AM6vymhDB3JbaDZ1QjCZheidP-LMkhqcf-oQ4-YZ26s36nSHtDv/s1600/140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP7Hi-DoJuwBaIL0xlOz2PH2k-6McQNE22R_ao35H0gLm0dzxb3CsU_aWKUKsyxtmWuUeBJvPpCptku3V_5ZhHvdgd2AM6vymhDB3JbaDZ1QjCZheidP-LMkhqcf-oQ4-YZ26s36nSHtDv/s200/140.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sales pitch:</b> Super-sensitise your vagina for extreme levels of pleasure! The Doc Johnson Pussy pump is easy to use and will enlarge your vagina making it super sensitive. Unlike other pump the Doc Johnson version has a patented removable valve allowing you pump it up to create a vacuum and then remove the hose and it will keep its seal.<br />
</span></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just find it hilarious that's there's obviously a whole group of women out there trying to make their vagina's smaller then I find something like this which is obviously aimed at a crowd who are trying to make the puss bigger!? I LIKE ZE BIIIIG PUSSY!!! Ahahahaha! Say that with a Grace Jones voice (MOVIE: Boomerang) for maximum laugh-ability!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Name:</b> Vaginal Electrode! WOAH!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Use:</b> I <i>think</i> it's to exercise your vag?</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm9u6yPZgel4_YJTMrQhyphenhypheniU40eaYJnLhfrdu0bh4G31nRLAwKb7Ph9aTCritTh_xyigdGjHrt2DDAFeOXOWlJYNG5oHdh-X-OaWmv2iYXjCg2WUXhcEHvxXPfKCcntWYEZkhzIc1cVX85u/s1600/Vaginal_10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm9u6yPZgel4_YJTMrQhyphenhypheniU40eaYJnLhfrdu0bh4G31nRLAwKb7Ph9aTCritTh_xyigdGjHrt2DDAFeOXOWlJYNG5oHdh-X-OaWmv2iYXjCg2WUXhcEHvxXPfKCcntWYEZkhzIc1cVX85u/s1600/Vaginal_10.jpg" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sales Pitch:</b> An intra-vaginal probe for muscle stimulation and biofeedback. It is supplied complete with an additional stick-style "indicator" fitting that allows it to be used as a Pelvic Floor <b>Educator</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and thus provides excellent value for women wanting to develop exercise technique whilst using electrical stimulation.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wow! Yeah, any takers? No, thanks! I used a similar device when I was a beautician... It stimulated the skin and was actually quite a nice and effective treatment... I never attacked any of the girls vagina's with it though... I do like the use of the word 'educator'... And I'm gunna leave that one right there! </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSM60HJ8mlIxrVezVVZNZgk0kbJyvnaXqJWUa4qcSgRYRABgV4n6WiDkymIyJHUsbEmdtO2WA9MHRPCBQH2l2EdvnwUA7EMeQQdtQ5trvBfYXP4e0wzNEydThhlHP0-pBKXT2fpw_p4HJU/s1600/9124.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSM60HJ8mlIxrVezVVZNZgk0kbJyvnaXqJWUa4qcSgRYRABgV4n6WiDkymIyJHUsbEmdtO2WA9MHRPCBQH2l2EdvnwUA7EMeQQdtQ5trvBfYXP4e0wzNEydThhlHP0-pBKXT2fpw_p4HJU/s1600/9124.jpg" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Name:</b> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">KEGEL8 Ultra A - Vaginal & Anal</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Use:</b> NO FUCKING IDEA!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sales Pitch:</b> Do you have a problem controlling your wind? Do you have Stress Incontinence? Do you suffer with constipation? If you answer YES to any of the above, you are at risk of developing anal incontinence and small changes now can make a big difference. Stress Incontinence is taboo but anal incontinence is even more of a social stigma that blights women's lives. Medical figures report 28% of women with stress incontinence are also anally incontinent, not always to the extent of 'messing' ourselves sometimes it's not being able to control our wind in social situations. If you are that 'windy-pop woman' you need the Kegel8 Ultra A, with all the fast and efficient programmes you need to strengthen your pelvic floor vaginally, the Ultra A has an additional programme complete with anal probe. The Kegel8 Ultra is the clinically proven way to strengthen your pelvic floor, vaginally and posteriorally giving you back your control and confidence.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hahaha! WOW! As I was telling Todd about this windy pop woman I burst into hysterics and started to sing the following song! </span><br />
<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> WINDY POP WOMAAAAAAN! Farted on my dick and my balls! </span></blockquote><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> WINDY POP WOMAAAAAAN! Sharted all over my bedroom walls! </span></blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I then proceeded to laugh for a good 5 minutes and that's all I have to say about that!<br />
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Last but by no means least I present...</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT8niBYH0_CkzdbCTjwefvzGeMbnyRrn6SEPwQdSdXHFdGdpb0cCOYShcje9UOrWKTHMKcjl94P2cU3DL2HZ30kfL9Z0WxOoyR9aZWSoGCP0Rddnlp_1gpGLMr8pt8Vxli22SMQV3PRoKJ/s1600/vulva-spray.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT8niBYH0_CkzdbCTjwefvzGeMbnyRrn6SEPwQdSdXHFdGdpb0cCOYShcje9UOrWKTHMKcjl94P2cU3DL2HZ30kfL9Z0WxOoyR9aZWSoGCP0Rddnlp_1gpGLMr8pt8Vxli22SMQV3PRoKJ/s320/vulva-spray.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Name: </b>Vulva Original! (Seriously)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Use:</b> For people who just love smelling like a cunt!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sales Pitch:</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;">The vaginal scent of a beautiful woman – VULVA Original is NOT a perfume. It is the feminine, erotic, intimate scent for your own smelling pleasure. The NEW scent filled into an exclusive glass vial with a comfortable roll-on applicator with more content of that precious, organic substance. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;">Our greatest challenge was to preserve the intimate scent without altering the essence thereof. After many year of extensive testing and an especially developed preservation procedure, we have succeeded in capturing the sought-after organic vaginal scent with a long lasting effect. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;">The vial is shaken gently. Only a tiny amount of the slightly yellow, desirable substance is applied onto the back of the hand…and the irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately intensifies your erotic fantasies and starts the film rolling in your head. Breathe in and enjoy, anytime, anywhere, the intimate smell of an irresistible woman.</span></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm1J6EBu5QtD-fEF08pXZwGeFDd1y_4NQah0nOVY6gRLI1_nj_FcmJpGp0pmOcSXdxWAa91LNmupS0vHKnzv1E9spHiWBO7pw5lNTwmdxqaY5YhoYLUJalKsDqOOYa6a8NOinMClwx4rhyphenhyphen/s1600/vuvlaoriginal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm1J6EBu5QtD-fEF08pXZwGeFDd1y_4NQah0nOVY6gRLI1_nj_FcmJpGp0pmOcSXdxWAa91LNmupS0vHKnzv1E9spHiWBO7pw5lNTwmdxqaY5YhoYLUJalKsDqOOYa6a8NOinMClwx4rhyphenhyphen/s320/vuvlaoriginal.jpg" width="310" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you want to be even more freaked out I suggest you watch the the VULVA commercial! Not to be confused with the VOLVO commercials! </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/y9v7R321PM8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This video right here is the entire reason I stay the fuck out of the gym and away from personal trainers! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope you were as entertained and as freaked the fuck out as I was!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="goog_1576755323"></span><span id="goog_1576755324"></span></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-28218511659927218682011-08-06T00:54:00.001+08:002011-08-06T23:10:26.198+08:00Boners!? Bargain!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">Ok, so if you are a friend on either my personal Facebook page or my <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jens-Spaghetti-Blog/205630922809936">blogs Facebook page</a> you may have seen my status the other night about my accidental purchase of boner medication! What? Yeah... Let me explain! Ok, so I was on Ebay and looking for penis pills or sex drugs or some such shit... The idea was to, hopefully find funny shit to blog about! Mission accomplished! Anyway I found these pills called 'Hard Ten Days' that's not a typo that's what they're called! So I was reading what these pills claimed to do and the listing said to Google 'Hard Ten Days reviews' so I did... So I'm reading these reviews. Most of them are broken English or pretty ordinary. Until I found this one review that said </span></span><br />
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<blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">"</span>If your wife complained you are not enough strong, I recommend you can try this product, I have tried,<b> and my wife treat me better than before</b>."<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> </span></span></blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">I found that, "my wife treat me better than before" part hilarious! So I was like "Todd! Listen to this!" Anyway, so I'm yelling out what I was doing and what this random dude said, whilst at the same time changing pages and going</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> back to the Ebay listing! My intention was to add the pills to my watch list so I could get the details later for my blog... But what I actually did was press <b>Buy now > Commit to buy > Confirm</b>! Just as I pressed confirm (and I was still talking to Todd at this point) I'm all like "Blah blah blah ahahaha... Penis... Erection... Etc.." Confirm!? Confirm what?! Fuck! Shit! No confirm! No confirm! No no no! FAARK! Long story short... I purchased like 20 boner pills! </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For those of you doubting my story... That's fine. The fact is, if I bought them for a laugh I'd just be like yeah! Get a stiff one up ya! Hahaha 20 penis pills! Good weekend ahead for me! Me purchasing the pills isn't than riveting but I thought my epic failure to multi task resulting in the accidental purchase of 20 boner enhancing pills was an amusing fuck up on my part! Plus it was all for my blog, so really... If you're reading this it's partly your fault! Shoosh! Go with it ok!? </span></span><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">Just for the record, Toddy does not require any boner enhancing medications but I paid for the shit so he'll be using them!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">Now that you know the back story, I can tell you that these pills arrived in the mail today... Luckily for you, the amusement doesn't end with my over zealous clicking frenzy!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">As you may have guessed with a name like 'Hard Ten Days' the product is obviously Asian... It's attempt to look like a legit Western/ English product amused the shit out of me! Any chance they had of fooling me into thinking this product was endorsed by the FDA (Food & Drug Administration- AMERICAN) or whatever government body monitors this kind of shit ended as soon as I looked over the box and began reading the instructions!</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">The bottom of the box says: BIGGER, LONGER, MORE TIME, MORE SPERMS! </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">I shit you, not! That's what it fucking says! </span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrUsOvvbCQ9TVplb2UgCwxBx7et7kPPm-eidD9M9Ysd0Av0C82sY9Nn1PidHmSuJeLPgy4Bg4zQnNgAtCElX0U5KTMEXSpQfMYEuHf1RHl9vxvkkHhuLsUbInJ8aahKcqDXW0YKdJ0HZBV/s1600/hard10days.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrUsOvvbCQ9TVplb2UgCwxBx7et7kPPm-eidD9M9Ysd0Av0C82sY9Nn1PidHmSuJeLPgy4Bg4zQnNgAtCElX0U5KTMEXSpQfMYEuHf1RHl9vxvkkHhuLsUbInJ8aahKcqDXW0YKdJ0HZBV/s400/hard10days.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ok so that's the box... Just in case you can't see it in all of it's fantastic detail... This product is apparently endorsed by the "World Sex Association" (which Google has never heard of) and at the top of the box above the title it says:<b> A GRAIN OF SOON THE EFFECT REVELS ALL NIGHT!</b> Whatever the fuck that means!?<br />
Oh and the eagle in the top left corner is surrounded by the words: <b>GOLD SOURCE LIVING CREATURE</b>... Yeah that's super fucking helpful? Come pet my majestic creature!<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">The instructions contain some still shots from some porn movies... Just in case you purchased the pills and didn't know what the end result was suppose to be?!? Anyway the cheap stolen porn is seriously the least of my fucking problems! Listen to these INSTRUCTIONS! I'm quoting word for word so don't think I'm drunk or anything ok! The instructions are in <b>bold</b>... My comments are just in regular font ok... Cappish?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The heart attack, high blood pressure all can take the wine takes and doesn't influence result behind have good curative effect to the prostate!</span><b> </b>So fucking yeah! Clear up any issues? Yeah? Nar me either! NO fucking clue! But wait there's more! As if we weren't fucking lost enough!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What's in it? Lets find out! <b>This product is specially made of many kinds of valuable animals and plants such as </b>blah, blah blah,<b> seahorse membrain... deer antler!?</b> Seahorse what? Deer antler? Like, Santa's reindeer? Does Santa know about this? I highly fucking doubt it! Anyway I've got more pressing questions, like what do these ingredients do? Funny you should ask! I have that information right here!<b> It would make you like a strong man the significant effects on physical or mental prospermia </b>(premature ejaculation)<b>, impotence </b>(sad floppy penis)<b>, spermatorrhea </b>(involuntary escape of semen, without orgasm... Escape! HELP! HELP! THE SEMEN HAS ESCAPED! SOMETHING SOMETHING GODZILLA?)<b>, sexual debility</b> (weak or feeble penis)<b> and any symptoms of kidney weakness </b>(WTF? Why are we talking about kidneys all of a sudden!?)<b>... Great effects on sex let down </b>(If only I had these years ago! Fucking sex let downs like a mother fucker!)<b>, shortness of penis </b>(Hahahaha I prefer the term stump cock!) and <b>penis atrophy of the old</b>... (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">A wasting or </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">extinct species! Why are they extinct? C</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">oz you can't get your dick up! Think about that next time you can't get wood! Mother fucker!" I really should get a job in sales!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It then goes on about sperm and urination... and on... and on... and on... Then it says: <b>taking after drinking wont affect the effect! Multi sex is possible with multi erections! Multi sex? Multi erections? Multi penis? </b>Fuck hey! I should also mention that <b>the penis would be wider, bigger, higher, rigidity. Penis may increase without rebound! </b>What the fuck is penis rebound? Anyone? No? Also, I know I hate it when I drink then the effects of the affect are effected!? It really fucks me off!? I think? Finally, you may wonder what to do if shit gets fucked up... (Excuse the pun)! With clear instructions like these you'd have to be brain dead to fail but anyway should you have any problems such as: <b>multi erection or non ejaculation during sex... Drink cold water for therapy! </b>Simple! No? Fuck knows! But after reading that MY dick is hard! </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Yeah so fucking BOOM erection! It doesn't say anything about how to treat the EPIC FUCKING MIGRAINE you get from reading the instructions though!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Now if you're female or at least 90% sure you're female, like me you may be going well that's fucking great for him with his 10 days boner-rama but how the fuck does that help me and my spastic vagina? WONDER NO FUCKING MORE!!! What's it called? YING DA WANG... I AM NOT FUCKING WITH YOU!!! LOOK IT UP!!! There's a picture below! See? What does it do!? Tell me tell me! Yeah yeah fucking hold the fuck ON!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDGNCSebV7yQ0ZnAWKxXOphai8wBERkasQe5LKF_Mk2fKou4z4lZiqGg_sEqwTGjfsyLeg16XAuKp4SSnRmPn01sBOOs7XgQxjBnm44gcnjJDA0QNIZ7Arxtm1p8KhmIe9hA6E2r2gVAIL/s1600/Yingdawang-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDGNCSebV7yQ0ZnAWKxXOphai8wBERkasQe5LKF_Mk2fKou4z4lZiqGg_sEqwTGjfsyLeg16XAuKp4SSnRmPn01sBOOs7XgQxjBnm44gcnjJDA0QNIZ7Arxtm1p8KhmIe9hA6E2r2gVAIL/s400/Yingdawang-1.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Uses: Useful to increase secretion of vagina, improve sex desire. After taking this product woman's vagina will began to suck and shrink and women reach orgasm faster. The product is very useful for a sexless person or a woman with a dull and dry vagina....</span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hahahahaha! Do I even need to say anything? Of course I do! I am not at all comfortable with the thought of any ones vagina sucking and shrinking! Like WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?! If I ever harbored secret lesbian desires, that just totally fucking killed that idea! Thanks YING DA WANG! Also you can call me sexless and you can say my vagina is as dry as a sandbox if you want but I wont have ANYBODY telling me my vagina is dull! You're dull, mother fucker! YOU'RE DULL!!!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So on that note... That's all from me and my NOT AT ALL dull vagina!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time... Here's wishing you all a 10 day erection!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love your guts!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh and here's one last disturbing image ...</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9F6xPlKo6NwquA0J2OxzjjzcPI9LBPl0MPR2tvmKko7wt-76rMnGwjteWTduRqjthkCa9awT0TNPMmYEX3CYmuVhZpfJsr7lUoW05HoJ8VM5jcWgqkTFSNPft11kJsWONbgzp6GRwrXj/s1600/streeoverlord.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9F6xPlKo6NwquA0J2OxzjjzcPI9LBPl0MPR2tvmKko7wt-76rMnGwjteWTduRqjthkCa9awT0TNPMmYEX3CYmuVhZpfJsr7lUoW05HoJ8VM5jcWgqkTFSNPft11kJsWONbgzp6GRwrXj/s1600/streeoverlord.jpg" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Do I choose Viagra or "STREE OVERLORD"? I'd go with the Viagra... Unless you wanna turn into a muscle bound evil lizard man! But that could just be me and my dull vagina talking! :)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Oh and I think that big hard brown this is her knee... Which doesn't work... But whatever! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">THE END!</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-77951065437083025882011-08-02T17:48:00.000+08:002011-08-02T17:48:41.550+08:00NO, it doesn't make any fucking sense... But, I'm cool with that!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">GIFS!!! What? I said GIFS! What? You fucking heard what I said mother fucker!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You would have seen them before! They're like mini movies! Not the best quality but hey! Who are we to judge!? Anyway so over the last few weeks I have been collecting GIFs that I've found that, as per usual, are either funny, weird or both! I don't know if you'll be able to view these on your mobile/ cell phones! And for that I am sorry... You'll just have to sit there and imagine the funny! *Shakes fist* IMAGINE IT!!!! Sorry for not coming up with anything more spectacular for you to blow your wad over or something that causes your ass to explode out of your shorts but I've literally been sick all fuck winter so you should just be happy I haven't offed myself or at very least been found hiding in the cupboard licking peanut butter off my own nipples! Actually, that's not a half bad idea! You lot stay here I'm going to NOT lick peanut butter off my nips.... WHAT!? I said NOT! Fucking sick bunch you are! God! ENJOY!!!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSfEwfS7KWARjvoKXtsW1u4Na2Iz7ITav7ZJ7S5oj-fOwMZgP9UzF2Uh7TWG3PDf7XIq1ZlpjUiPEfAPprOICCvqjMBZTNNdj0GBUDGArw0tfmgHGoJzsUOPWSnQ-fQbWAtg6KC7vK7gc1/s1600/240sw53swyu9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="332" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSfEwfS7KWARjvoKXtsW1u4Na2Iz7ITav7ZJ7S5oj-fOwMZgP9UzF2Uh7TWG3PDf7XIq1ZlpjUiPEfAPprOICCvqjMBZTNNdj0GBUDGArw0tfmgHGoJzsUOPWSnQ-fQbWAtg6KC7vK7gc1/s400/240sw53swyu9.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">As far as wanking faces go... This ones pretty hot! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVkZvyRYGkNfVZUt2NPTGIHPWyTWyMF68k8hFw29a1LSiO3njfJ9KwTRBdYscC_Z3zsCXfxRVedFHhlaIET-EknSvHN_MEAyWozCmGwsrn8xalNWDZcwgow-uh4V8gzTRFJSDwgwXE4lyy/s1600/7d92b134a4bb209e9609fa738ca48fab.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="323" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVkZvyRYGkNfVZUt2NPTGIHPWyTWyMF68k8hFw29a1LSiO3njfJ9KwTRBdYscC_Z3zsCXfxRVedFHhlaIET-EknSvHN_MEAyWozCmGwsrn8xalNWDZcwgow-uh4V8gzTRFJSDwgwXE4lyy/s400/7d92b134a4bb209e9609fa738ca48fab.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I. LOVE. MIC!!! Oh and LAMP! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ7o_gSUuOyJMKVCRFLgt0TBIzVgmyyU1FnR9A-MgzrmaJVcJgszGHJb3UdtqM3qAIiMrBu4wmH1BmwRJqFSo8t6EDDnza_xEcmKZSCi2DGt8XhHztwZgXRHdaVGcV88mp75S6SPqpVJNU/s1600/0f624b40449c69a314f943aab5e39491.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="348" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ7o_gSUuOyJMKVCRFLgt0TBIzVgmyyU1FnR9A-MgzrmaJVcJgszGHJb3UdtqM3qAIiMrBu4wmH1BmwRJqFSo8t6EDDnza_xEcmKZSCi2DGt8XhHztwZgXRHdaVGcV88mp75S6SPqpVJNU/s400/0f624b40449c69a314f943aab5e39491.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ahahahah! Totally freaking out over the non-existent water! Stupid cat! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFxICuiI0EQDNXU3S378GbHo7AEPJBDSly9N9PoUxYQ1aRXy4wHInNpW4yyypxtFfcJU-MilHclP3jcJvNxssXafSGAKUNhrlWec9iEhyTrR10eSunghAMVqgkyRBg1rxjO-hIrMx08LBD/s1600/6078a3a6-47d4-4b90-a9ac-32addf4a819d.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFxICuiI0EQDNXU3S378GbHo7AEPJBDSly9N9PoUxYQ1aRXy4wHInNpW4yyypxtFfcJU-MilHclP3jcJvNxssXafSGAKUNhrlWec9iEhyTrR10eSunghAMVqgkyRBg1rxjO-hIrMx08LBD/s400/6078a3a6-47d4-4b90-a9ac-32addf4a819d.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">That's exactly what I do when Asian tourists rub my tummy! What? It fucking is!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoZFrhxKAn23v6evvJX6U845H4f_2CIcWA_PjzzS4ZSQEz3etPpOu1WrugTpZ3YbCioSPQV1-qYNBQ6ctqpAAVwwXCDQnDKIH-NxL9hVYSYaBH4e0kOFzq9j-Il1OYxSgN-gJOVKkLjAxa/s1600/2377yu950yu.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoZFrhxKAn23v6evvJX6U845H4f_2CIcWA_PjzzS4ZSQEz3etPpOu1WrugTpZ3YbCioSPQV1-qYNBQ6ctqpAAVwwXCDQnDKIH-NxL9hVYSYaBH4e0kOFzq9j-Il1OYxSgN-gJOVKkLjAxa/s400/2377yu950yu.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">He has THE fattest tongue I have EVER seen! But yet I still wouldn't sit on his face!? WTF!?!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixABOPl7PFdxvnFw3OpGy7imsyFvTCC4OU2b5s669ArsGuW-FTafiMNRx_SB0ENsdv9QZJgNz9XWzf51u_9Kj3-IVEi5QC66ZmuSU1kbYz5TRsjhPNDUOwgbaUo-uizrpx8UhfvJdXa8fL/s1600/238307432.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="376" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixABOPl7PFdxvnFw3OpGy7imsyFvTCC4OU2b5s669ArsGuW-FTafiMNRx_SB0ENsdv9QZJgNz9XWzf51u_9Kj3-IVEi5QC66ZmuSU1kbYz5TRsjhPNDUOwgbaUo-uizrpx8UhfvJdXa8fL/s400/238307432.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The music for The Wizard Of Oz starts playing in my head when I see this! And then the laugh! "Eeeeeeeheheheheheheheheeee!"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeNLScXn7w6aqIUPNiifHDu6HGVJvgdU1T8wSqT4q2XSKWkLSwFOZLu1UqUlUfqqOPWcC-J2UFvQO2ShdPtsUE5-AHxxRhfuAELRsppsdodzn875C8KmbPujqUs-TVDiaUUu4xZ4lgxGSa/s1600/115457be96fb3cb744a5a1d5354d2543.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeNLScXn7w6aqIUPNiifHDu6HGVJvgdU1T8wSqT4q2XSKWkLSwFOZLu1UqUlUfqqOPWcC-J2UFvQO2ShdPtsUE5-AHxxRhfuAELRsppsdodzn875C8KmbPujqUs-TVDiaUUu4xZ4lgxGSa/s320/115457be96fb3cb744a5a1d5354d2543.gif" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">One thing is obvious... This dude is DEFINITELY STILL A VIRGIN!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj25leaXhFV6_i-GE-CUgX0TCMFlA0ddDfw4aoEFGlpdArEZRSr5aeN_Bc1o0zWDvYlzXykYH3xRgHLYV5bBCxpZL3FLXBVLR3AkGFyyRO7dDaDkSFrjMTfSsnvjFgu04X0buEKD4luj42v/s1600/1207355519b5a69b08788cef439d7388.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj25leaXhFV6_i-GE-CUgX0TCMFlA0ddDfw4aoEFGlpdArEZRSr5aeN_Bc1o0zWDvYlzXykYH3xRgHLYV5bBCxpZL3FLXBVLR3AkGFyyRO7dDaDkSFrjMTfSsnvjFgu04X0buEKD4luj42v/s400/1207355519b5a69b08788cef439d7388.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I have NO sympathy for this dude what-so-ever! What the fuck did he think they were doing? He should just be thankful the other dude is wearing pants! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_ZvjfIU1hcrVCtVESpYWEyL2EZe2ex1okdrGn_N3FnFR3jjmXD876Sn9CTqpYTep9LgMSLTfcVr9gFTYJmTu8BbtFEYEOy4GUrZK2AB2ESM00XTd9lOdlK4cnwGLDllA4xgOluhzCOaU3/s1600/1237466899_yeahbaby.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_ZvjfIU1hcrVCtVESpYWEyL2EZe2ex1okdrGn_N3FnFR3jjmXD876Sn9CTqpYTep9LgMSLTfcVr9gFTYJmTu8BbtFEYEOy4GUrZK2AB2ESM00XTd9lOdlK4cnwGLDllA4xgOluhzCOaU3/s400/1237466899_yeahbaby.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Is this your reaction to seeing that I've posted a new blog entry? Coz it fucking should be! This is what I do the entire time I'm putting it together!!! Hahaha this actually gets funnier the more you watch it!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTzpm0I0N7m7hXQ9DYriq2tkmnrGn1t7ZFZmMzIQNV6otGHnpx5PY-1Jy3Y0E7Bzt1iTRFepxerwyYimPqP2EnRCmo4GOZblYaAzobOreTPuftDf9j6P-EYsj0yAd3KLhSDBHQyRTrw5r8/s1600/sw40245903.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="396" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTzpm0I0N7m7hXQ9DYriq2tkmnrGn1t7ZFZmMzIQNV6otGHnpx5PY-1Jy3Y0E7Bzt1iTRFepxerwyYimPqP2EnRCmo4GOZblYaAzobOreTPuftDf9j6P-EYsj0yAd3KLhSDBHQyRTrw5r8/s400/sw40245903.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">My only regret? Not being able to change the carrot into a penis!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4JEGw1Lbf8sjIVpfmGyVH1-sPrsf-Crh3qOmyPK3m5IF0ekJ0jgmYT7wTx9rWeS9kk29zBqeSwKKNGQUne-E0L_Gj0MftsFTL5wNCY8zmZqZVZnftPI4qbVL1s-wxd_O9_iD6p8R_g-FL/s1600/d282d341407a19b129005f5073f66a65.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4JEGw1Lbf8sjIVpfmGyVH1-sPrsf-Crh3qOmyPK3m5IF0ekJ0jgmYT7wTx9rWeS9kk29zBqeSwKKNGQUne-E0L_Gj0MftsFTL5wNCY8zmZqZVZnftPI4qbVL1s-wxd_O9_iD6p8R_g-FL/s400/d282d341407a19b129005f5073f66a65.gif" width="357" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I'm sure this hurt but... Haaaahahahaha! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirjGwvMqjIZHtq5vSow-9ryMapbUtydq-SQKaNbGD57ogruXFh3pzedcATqAoBwriVGnCm4yTWhyphenhyphenKTmZI-CWaXQo2-i6sX-8tq2W4Cas46CbtH0ywK-tyODP-pE-sFMBToIdi6QmPS4mVl/s1600/e2314c39a3f681791089d2707d4e4ec1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirjGwvMqjIZHtq5vSow-9ryMapbUtydq-SQKaNbGD57ogruXFh3pzedcATqAoBwriVGnCm4yTWhyphenhyphenKTmZI-CWaXQo2-i6sX-8tq2W4Cas46CbtH0ywK-tyODP-pE-sFMBToIdi6QmPS4mVl/s400/e2314c39a3f681791089d2707d4e4ec1.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This is totally like: What's going on over there... Oh hell no! Fuck this! You guys are fucking sick! LATER!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS9ldJCwFhgQQPEBNTfO-ZXcWDlVwnGCDdVNk0KhbTsCU2ZBvZ4LlUMpl3zoC0ExpfKPP7u18HQJpO-7w-R20lh0E_ycOU2sA9EtBtOIheroDMCB9Nw6siyYRY8CFp3O-drl8lrGdcQ03J/s1600/g6011619998.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS9ldJCwFhgQQPEBNTfO-ZXcWDlVwnGCDdVNk0KhbTsCU2ZBvZ4LlUMpl3zoC0ExpfKPP7u18HQJpO-7w-R20lh0E_ycOU2sA9EtBtOIheroDMCB9Nw6siyYRY8CFp3O-drl8lrGdcQ03J/s400/g6011619998.gif" width="268" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">As if Jean Claude Van Damme wasn't annoying enough! Seriously! Look at his happy little face... Now tell me he hasn't had a penis inside of him! Aaaahaha!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0bQ0sTcGANenaFPvSss6Ivi35T7hCkZt5HPoE02sSm3TBM6ShIGysYVUr2KOWu0cIzM7YbEB94xqW0MEXtqJIQBuNQ1RoITmjAO-xvmFw7iv6KsjdRyVWvXX22IdOQaNsDcsJ8gIuntPP/s1600/tumblr_lmi73qnIBe1qdqcy0o1_250.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0bQ0sTcGANenaFPvSss6Ivi35T7hCkZt5HPoE02sSm3TBM6ShIGysYVUr2KOWu0cIzM7YbEB94xqW0MEXtqJIQBuNQ1RoITmjAO-xvmFw7iv6KsjdRyVWvXX22IdOQaNsDcsJ8gIuntPP/s400/tumblr_lmi73qnIBe1qdqcy0o1_250.gif" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This is hilarious but I reckon if she was looking at me like this I'd be terrified! Or I might laugh hysterically... I never can tell how I'll react! That's the joys of schizophrenia!? Who said that! What? SERENITY NOW!!!!</span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So kiddies! Wish me well and hope I get better or you'll have to deal with more fucked up GIFs! What? I said GIFS! Oh!? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love your guts!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-64157466836401912262011-07-28T14:48:00.000+08:002011-07-28T14:48:40.323+08:00We've all made baby Jesus cry!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So chances are, if you're reading this blog, you may not be the best christian you can be... If you actually enjoy reading it, well then you're totally fucked! Yeah! Wait! You're not on the wrong page! I haven't been abducted and mind fucked by Tom Cruise into becoming a Scientologist or anything like that... I realise I probably freaked you out by starting this post with talk of 'Heavenly Father' but I'm going somewhere... Besides straight to hell! Now, whether you were raised as a strict Catholic, a Jew, a Satanist like my kids (JOKING!) or even if religion and/ or God never really came up in your house, pretty much everyone has some knowledge of the Ten Commandments. Right now, I can think of 4 but there is definitely another 6 floating around out there! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok so I just Googled it coz I was like which fuckers didn't I remember... It's not important. Main thing is they're a bit shit, but generally, on the whole and despite being written in </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://users.snowcrest.net/donnelly/piglatin.html">Pig Latin</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, they are some common sense decent guidelines for not being a total fuck wad of a human being! BUT it doesn't end there (of course it doesn't) you can't just go off the 10 commandments and think you'll be right when judgement day comes (that being you death, not the whole scenario out of 'The Terminator' movies). There is a whole bunch of other rules in the Bible that no mother fucker ever tells you about! Crazy bullshit rules that, until reading that they were 'sins', I had never even thought they would prevent me from entering 'God's kingdom of heaven'... Oh my god! I'm so totally put out!... Ok, stop laughing. We all know I'm going to hell! But are you? Well, if you have done any of the following, then answer is YES! See you there, fuck face!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiigBze757HJ_3rhu1wA9Loi4pNHVSRYnT9dRFArZQAAwSnEQOSCqGjTFMr2dkYx-1rA4N_yZqqn7WOe1AvydGNyq-DB7UTMjPsudGdfcflAzonBFEzl8k3irGX5mw7EkxLC-oB048P4bw4/s1600/cartoon_devil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiigBze757HJ_3rhu1wA9Loi4pNHVSRYnT9dRFArZQAAwSnEQOSCqGjTFMr2dkYx-1rA4N_yZqqn7WOe1AvydGNyq-DB7UTMjPsudGdfcflAzonBFEzl8k3irGX5mw7EkxLC-oB048P4bw4/s400/cartoon_devil.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">WELCOME!!! MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<br />
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</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, here is a list of the 7 things most of you would have done, but that you didn't know made baby Jesus cry!</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sin 1-</b> <b>Hair cuts and shaving:</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bible verse: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial;">Leviticus 19:27</span> "</span>Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard."</span></i><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well that's me fucked! I just shaved my beard yesterday!? Do not cut hair at the side of your head... So I'm presuming cutting the back of you hair is ok? And the top? I dunno. It doesn't say WHY not though! Is it a 'fuck with this rule and even if you're the pope you're fucked!" kinda rule or is it just how the dude above prefers hair? Short back and top, long sides thank you, Barber!?</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGB7VgH0ixcc6c60bqJ_amHKy-5XBU8aZ12i3AWng2fL8DGwKvXZPTm0TqLvAbQ9ici7iHaZnkbC8vSJBAyhJVMbqyj-Hy8hRTi1T8VnGDop7m2Ca451f-ra5yADUOueeCTl81MGL-ed1k/s1600/tornado.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="385" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGB7VgH0ixcc6c60bqJ_amHKy-5XBU8aZ12i3AWng2fL8DGwKvXZPTm0TqLvAbQ9ici7iHaZnkbC8vSJBAyhJVMbqyj-Hy8hRTi1T8VnGDop7m2Ca451f-ra5yADUOueeCTl81MGL-ed1k/s400/tornado.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You're going to hell!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf6qBMuQIMTGv09oVfg7IBQofO_tuGjAko09tYOySpUYvksCOxIq77NXbHDl5RCHe4ikfuLp_KA7vMym5HykkytZXV146ZlqtyLoaCYQCqE9gGs2BEkVwMFXsQSUeYoeG_jfaAfkfuO-5d/s1600/bowl.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="376" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf6qBMuQIMTGv09oVfg7IBQofO_tuGjAko09tYOySpUYvksCOxIq77NXbHDl5RCHe4ikfuLp_KA7vMym5HykkytZXV146ZlqtyLoaCYQCqE9gGs2BEkVwMFXsQSUeYoeG_jfaAfkfuO-5d/s400/bowl.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You too!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEHPD3DHzZ4m67x_q1GX_AxrqdoJJPylxfdz3XmAaSIiNXkaKQ2Cm00-_Fca-uC-n0ry2nVFtWn7B6AHdxKh0thROR7Gjyk59T3rmovLST23uw4qcDIs1Nnuh0i2ApnRwEvh3VNut5EVdy/s1600/asian.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEHPD3DHzZ4m67x_q1GX_AxrqdoJJPylxfdz3XmAaSIiNXkaKQ2Cm00-_Fca-uC-n0ry2nVFtWn7B6AHdxKh0thROR7Gjyk59T3rmovLST23uw4qcDIs1Nnuh0i2ApnRwEvh3VNut5EVdy/s400/asian.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You're... FRICKIN AWESOME!!! Hahaha just joking! You're totally going to hell too!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sin 2- Cutting and Tattoos:</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bible verse: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial;">Leviticus 19:28</span> "</span>Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD."</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Can you cut your body for the living? And what if someone else puts the tattoo on you... Is that cool? So, don't cut yourself for dead people... Cool and don't do your own tatts! Cool! Makes sense!? What's with the I AM THE LORD bit at the end? Sounds like he was drunk and just a bit too into himself at this point! Yeah, dude we know who you are! Settle the fuck down, ok!?!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLmzN0apVuCDREDfXzst44b-c3fX79yNTpTYhq8o-dz1sEXqRgK_1TkOw8Dci2zngg4hM6jf_eOnpqLn16MaJKA-U4nS2Ynb-tcrj3kyd_ek0QuWzmdN2ec73A-1YEnFw2KDXFHYJ2xAYt/s1600/shark_tattoo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLmzN0apVuCDREDfXzst44b-c3fX79yNTpTYhq8o-dz1sEXqRgK_1TkOw8Dci2zngg4hM6jf_eOnpqLn16MaJKA-U4nS2Ynb-tcrj3kyd_ek0QuWzmdN2ec73A-1YEnFw2KDXFHYJ2xAYt/s400/shark_tattoo.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Lost your arm? Trying to make light of the situation by getting a comical tattoo? FAIL!!! GO TO HELL! GO DIRECTLY TO HELL! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrWFGcvLnNl84HuD8sNdJl4j_fIuvbZ9X8PaCs_I-D2dLnol0uIzuj7dYPQv8zYiAnlwar1TaJOsB1YJ2WdDDo-Y8cT92Ch0nfmoUWwplGDv9TMA3xk7wtGLQj4M0vo4ES1MSnn-BVJadT/s1600/65099_body_carving.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrWFGcvLnNl84HuD8sNdJl4j_fIuvbZ9X8PaCs_I-D2dLnol0uIzuj7dYPQv8zYiAnlwar1TaJOsB1YJ2WdDDo-Y8cT92Ch0nfmoUWwplGDv9TMA3xk7wtGLQj4M0vo4ES1MSnn-BVJadT/s320/65099_body_carving.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">FUCKING EWWW! Yeah, you too! Straight to hell!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBh2_JMA3HlCKhO8E7VsevYVOXSi7_1vrMZiQq9-RwW93h2blJmbIdVRPCjKBYV75Az6A1DdYWXgimqgAkGWqkhwwnRdAVYQvKy-INU1GBnOc7iUZxO7oFXK1f-vB-c0pdyaXC_hwF5g1M/s1600/funny_tattoo_jesus_OMG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBh2_JMA3HlCKhO8E7VsevYVOXSi7_1vrMZiQq9-RwW93h2blJmbIdVRPCjKBYV75Az6A1DdYWXgimqgAkGWqkhwwnRdAVYQvKy-INU1GBnOc7iUZxO7oFXK1f-vB-c0pdyaXC_hwF5g1M/s320/funny_tattoo_jesus_OMG.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ummm? Hahaha.... Yeah, you're fucked! Straight to hell!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Sin 3- Entering a church with one testicle or no penis:</b> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">(I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!!!)</span><i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">Bible verse: Deuteronomy 23:1 "No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD." <br />
Another translation which is slightly more detailed is "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord"</span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How fucked is that shit!? You lose a nut through... Whatever causes and you're fucking out! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bob: "Dear God, please give me the strength to fight my cancer so they don't have to remove my other testicle!" </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God: "Fuck off Lefty! You're fucking dead to me!" </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's pretty fucking harsh! Basically, If you have no cock and/or balls don't even fucking bother!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-XEmgcZrRgmAsyPZuyCwOiiPJk1KkcGDzlkjkbWs2ybeEqnSgLXoinOwjlg_B3kSpyllWNc4t_0vjIs4DxTAMK2OLOxco9AgYP7siggv9egKcLHa7pbeLfdPkVKeA6zE5ZCxy2a5TWUbU/s1600/Look.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-XEmgcZrRgmAsyPZuyCwOiiPJk1KkcGDzlkjkbWs2ybeEqnSgLXoinOwjlg_B3kSpyllWNc4t_0vjIs4DxTAMK2OLOxco9AgYP7siggv9egKcLHa7pbeLfdPkVKeA6zE5ZCxy2a5TWUbU/s400/Look.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">He's cool! Good job monkey! Keep it up!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT98vsuWhKBUzcSZm2ysqTy5js-sGqqd-OhlQ65Xl9ZFtIEgJEHYamHaWf6jEh-wKkJcAbIlFoDB2ECKolGsiejmfLBSLLCH3jNgAWDW9bq8TiyR7hxuGIBprodCriyhdDXJL_Rz4moTBt/s1600/adolfhitlermii_wiifittopdog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT98vsuWhKBUzcSZm2ysqTy5js-sGqqd-OhlQ65Xl9ZFtIEgJEHYamHaWf6jEh-wKkJcAbIlFoDB2ECKolGsiejmfLBSLLCH3jNgAWDW9bq8TiyR7hxuGIBprodCriyhdDXJL_Rz4moTBt/s400/adolfhitlermii_wiifittopdog.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">He ALMOST made it into heaven until they double checked the paperwork and saw that he only had one ball! Oh... And that he's ADOLF FUCKING HITLER!!!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sin 4- Wearing blended fibre clothing. Like cotton/ polyester blends etc:</span></b><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">Bible verse: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial;"> Leviticus 19:19</span> "</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.”</span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 25px;"><br />
</span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are to keep my statuses? Like FaceBook Statuses? Ok!? Don't get that one. I think it means keep shit how I made it and or leave my shit the fuck alone! Which made me think of how bad it would be to work with God in, like an office type environment... Especially if you borrowed his stapler and forgot to put it back... For example:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">God: "For Christ sake (THERE'S ANOTHER SIN RIGHT THERE!) don't you dare move anything on my mother fucking desk while I'm mother fucking gone or I'll make the 10 mother fucking plagues of Egypt look like a mother fucking picnic in the Garden of mother fucking Eden, you hear me, you mother fucker?! I still haven't found my mother fucking stapler from last time I went out of the mother fucking office and I know it was you Moses so don't look at me like that, mother fucker! Yes, I know! Of course, I know! I was hoping the guilt would get to you and you'd confess! But no! What are you.. What is that look? Are you... Shaking your head at... Oh fucking hell no! That's it! Go walk in the desert! NOW mother fucker! GO! DESERT! NOW GO! Go for a nice hot stroll! Come back in 40 years when you learn some fucking office etiquette! You don't borrow someone's stapler and not put it back! Go on! GO! Looking at you makes me fucking sick! Stapler stealing, (A SIN) lying, no good, dodgy, sinning mother fucker! Go on! Get the fuck out of my sight!"</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moses should just be thankful he wasn't wearing a cotton/polyester blend at the time! By this rule we are all fucked! Got a x breaded dog? You're fucked. Do you eat genetically modified food? You're fucked! Got some kind of funky cross bread rare plants in your garden... You're fucked! Got a Bible made out of 50% recycled paper? You're MAJORLY FUCKED!!! </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirRDpYQ5RqCHzHL75rBaF4knwiVEUOghKaD2ed4628vPexlR3A-CI3pnVmHO88DsLtBfHUuWMJ_jiFd2bCfM4VJpmvUze23kw-oAaWcIoNTtwTV6pkPHQzttQsGv8mOZpMNYuTkh51DdB4/s1600/god.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirRDpYQ5RqCHzHL75rBaF4knwiVEUOghKaD2ed4628vPexlR3A-CI3pnVmHO88DsLtBfHUuWMJ_jiFd2bCfM4VJpmvUze23kw-oAaWcIoNTtwTV6pkPHQzttQsGv8mOZpMNYuTkh51DdB4/s320/god.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">He's cool... Just don't touch his fucking stapler! Or fuck with ANY of the other shit he made... Which is like everything!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; line-height: 25px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sin 5- Jewellery and skanky clothes: </span></b></span><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">Bible verse: </span>Timothy 2:9 <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.”</span></span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dress like shit and you're in! Unless you're wearing a synthetic or blended fibre coz then you're fucked! Wrap yourself in non cross contaminated cotton, grow you hair out, don't shave and keep both testicles and you may have a chance of not burning in hell for all eternity.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheQ6YhVaHjmTd0gL5WW9ZMeTVA1GBb427PqlgWSPluFWa_HYGLIkoS8x_11u09lJxJcS-CIOc3PXp-9WSvVbLNPVch2fNa0J11pnyRAcmF3w7m7Hl0xKW8j0oFeG-73t1rXCtQBO00k_X4/s1600/rw506h380.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheQ6YhVaHjmTd0gL5WW9ZMeTVA1GBb427PqlgWSPluFWa_HYGLIkoS8x_11u09lJxJcS-CIOc3PXp-9WSvVbLNPVch2fNa0J11pnyRAcmF3w7m7Hl0xKW8j0oFeG-73t1rXCtQBO00k_X4/s400/rw506h380.jpg" width="306" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You can bet your ass that, Paris Hilton and her bung eye are both going to hell! Thank god! <----- Hahaha!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; line-height: 25px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sin 6- Defencive knob touching: </span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">Bible verse: </span>Deuteronomy 25:11-12 </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><i>“If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.”</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></i></span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; line-height: 25px;">Well that's fucked! You fight some dude off, trying to help you hubby out and you spit in his eye and grab his nuts and you get your fucking hand chopped off! Where the fuck is the logic in that? And the best part is, as the husband of the cock fondling skank wife you cut her hand off and god's like "DO IT! and don't you fucking feel bad about it!" Personally I think soap would have sufficiently removed all traces of the foreign penis from her hand but the Bible was written like 20 years BEFORE Detol so yeah?!? HA! Hahaha...</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAknFkDffUG0fEqrgMl7T_wcWHgkk2GxCbogHEEtkwGmXUxgxPi5zdeVle7CR4QUjMieFnHCqM07Cbnm4wWjJOnX-Hvkzt_U3ouqv9zbFFZ6z_9sKF2cRctm5ArRdSE3lWwnHxv_6NMHRN/s1600/funny-pictures-cat-in-pain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAknFkDffUG0fEqrgMl7T_wcWHgkk2GxCbogHEEtkwGmXUxgxPi5zdeVle7CR4QUjMieFnHCqM07Cbnm4wWjJOnX-Hvkzt_U3ouqv9zbFFZ6z_9sKF2cRctm5ArRdSE3lWwnHxv_6NMHRN/s400/funny-pictures-cat-in-pain.jpg" width="335" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Yeah... So none of this!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkfA_ZMTcInwSIk1Sc1QBwGlRRY91Df5QZ7zzXg2EyNd1yQjscyUeYyLxm9P81d4MJitiN7mnQcRiwMk63XT4Y-lGAfTAqRd5DP7lua7TCqCdD8F0odh4pPjaz9MR9pdprmaC98qJ2kFZP/s1600/grab-him-by-the-balls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkfA_ZMTcInwSIk1Sc1QBwGlRRY91Df5QZ7zzXg2EyNd1yQjscyUeYyLxm9P81d4MJitiN7mnQcRiwMk63XT4Y-lGAfTAqRd5DP7lua7TCqCdD8F0odh4pPjaz9MR9pdprmaC98qJ2kFZP/s320/grab-him-by-the-balls.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Or this!</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfxMs_26aeXzCEqjpE9r8tNeQhwXv54fy4IKjrcxGTVn244i-s8OqDX71eDCm1y7PdZ-SLsoFHhV-wPBOeZYvlKlQUuEkuSUTA3e7K8MudRK7PmToB42HslMUFzmwUZQl8E-kibZQkdrXb/s1600/images+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfxMs_26aeXzCEqjpE9r8tNeQhwXv54fy4IKjrcxGTVn244i-s8OqDX71eDCm1y7PdZ-SLsoFHhV-wPBOeZYvlKlQUuEkuSUTA3e7K8MudRK7PmToB42HslMUFzmwUZQl8E-kibZQkdrXb/s320/images+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">And definately NONE of this!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 25px;">Sin 7- Eating certain animals:</span></div><div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">Bible verse: </span>Leviticus 11:10 </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">“But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.” </span></span></span></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic; line-height: 25px;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">So if it swims but doesn't have scales and fins it's a NO NO!! Like lobster? YOU'RE FUCKED! Squid rings? FUCKED! Mussels? FUCKED!!! It then goes onto specify a whole bunch of other animals they you can't eat: Pig (I thought this was only a Jewish thing, but apparently not), </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat , bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon, snail and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with??? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;">Well that's easy enough but what the fuck is with the last one!? That's like really specific! Why can't you eat winged insects on four legs? WHY? And what the fuck is the difference if the have joints to jump with!? They had a decent chance of getting away so therefore if you catch them and eat them, you really deserve it?</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 25px;"></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtnngnzGQQUo1r_LlRJNgRvuP0fBisSn7G1XEgPwUdxSQAoObVDsUZ5RdwArxb1XuqOWZhht4dbZjpry8cVNN1aJEdA1TlhxRfonjPEHxEvtuadRZghJJv6K0AvTptBzRR15_Sx_CrPtOT/s1600/ostrich.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="361" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtnngnzGQQUo1r_LlRJNgRvuP0fBisSn7G1XEgPwUdxSQAoObVDsUZ5RdwArxb1XuqOWZhht4dbZjpry8cVNN1aJEdA1TlhxRfonjPEHxEvtuadRZghJJv6K0AvTptBzRR15_Sx_CrPtOT/s400/ostrich.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Can't eat him...</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj31UHbN5AsNk4YRwVDOo3e1hVZzIJNJDYEeiTugbqYGEIZS-VG9pVz1S0S0lPcBCjn87pG51OT-HmEaRHdsONGKRjzbOcTSIBJXJFyQgCx4Ihmkry9h9xPNDMreg1e2SVkmt3Zcp9WeW6t/s1600/Australian_Pelican.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="326" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj31UHbN5AsNk4YRwVDOo3e1hVZzIJNJDYEeiTugbqYGEIZS-VG9pVz1S0S0lPcBCjn87pG51OT-HmEaRHdsONGKRjzbOcTSIBJXJFyQgCx4Ihmkry9h9xPNDMreg1e2SVkmt3Zcp9WeW6t/s400/Australian_Pelican.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">... or him</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYVFi7xiZnpMeT2ByNoVY8z1J4N4PZ9lotCnh58VD3wkT_8TUNMK88QXtloSZgVBthWt0L3kzpwRyDbTsCHLNNlfYb8To3oVbEA-2zqQ4GzpHPn7dJDN9Og_zg4J8_q02XcTNjFfSZcoAu/s1600/745703428_0557116d7c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYVFi7xiZnpMeT2ByNoVY8z1J4N4PZ9lotCnh58VD3wkT_8TUNMK88QXtloSZgVBthWt0L3kzpwRyDbTsCHLNNlfYb8To3oVbEA-2zqQ4GzpHPn7dJDN9Og_zg4J8_q02XcTNjFfSZcoAu/s400/745703428_0557116d7c.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">... and sadly, not even him :(<br />
Hahahaha!?!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 25px;">So there you go kiddies! We're all fucked! And it's not even your fault! You were screwed the moment your mum dressed you in artificial fabrics and got your hair cut! Sorry! </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkIAOhLKtyxsfwWtp96XHTv5Gf3xjZrkL9cnc2ybhYXn-2-ikiHAS87-YjQpnn105ZI-db1YMX4_ynD0s_Zdrp7bFaeHwzpjsnjR9GAttZlpfD6b_p_tONuwvaUdE7b6dR14PEmOm2rn5h/s1600/demon.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="35" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkIAOhLKtyxsfwWtp96XHTv5Gf3xjZrkL9cnc2ybhYXn-2-ikiHAS87-YjQpnn105ZI-db1YMX4_ynD0s_Zdrp7bFaeHwzpjsnjR9GAttZlpfD6b_p_tONuwvaUdE7b6dR14PEmOm2rn5h/s400/demon.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">For all of you worried that all this sin may somehow result in a demon residing in your rectum, here's a coupon for a free KVJ (no idea) check! So yeah... Good luck with that!?!</span><br />
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</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, Sinners! That's all for now! So, until next time... </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span><br />
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</span></div></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-58992709890586315532011-07-23T00:13:00.000+08:002011-07-23T00:13:00.863+08:00I totally just SHATNERED myself!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #8e7cc3;">My Fat Boy (aka Logan aka The Fatness) has a few main goals in life:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #8e7cc3;">1. To eat as much as possible... As often as possible and without discrimination! </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #8e7cc3;">2. To seek out and destroy... Everything! He's not fussy he'll fuck up furniture, DVDs, the TV, plates, his cot, as well as occasionally messing with my will to live! </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">But 3rdly and most importantly his MAIN goal and his driving motivation is... To play with his doodle! Often and well! Like... WELL! I've gotten to a point with him where I have to put his nappy on backwards because other wise I find him, bare arsed, smile plastered on his chunky face with his dick in hand! Usually I can get to him in time and chase his chunky ass around the house to re-cloth him but sometimes he </span>de<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">-robes while in his bed and by the time I hear him laughing and </span>squealing<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> and I catch onto what he's doing he's already peed everywhere! And that's even with his nappy on backwards AND with pants on! He's a determined little wanker! </span>Hahaha<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">. He will </span>de<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">-pants, manage to remove his backwards nappy and play with his little doodle! He's fucking obsessed! And he </span>doesn't<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> just have a little fondle he like full on punishes the pecker! It disturbs me as his Mum, </span>coz<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> I was hoping for at least 2 or 3 years of him remaining pure and innocent... But no, he's got his dad's penis </span>punisher<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> genes! </span>Hahaha<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"> sorry, Todd if that makes you sound like a gay porn star! Now he's onto the backwards nappy so I've had to employ the duct tape around the waste technique... So far... Success! But he's a crafty little turd so only time will tell who won this round...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">It's like the time my beautiful baby girl was in the bath and she discovered her butt hole! There was a fucking month long obsession I was glad to see the arse end of! Hahaha. Excuse the pun! So these are the joys of parenting... Watching your beautiful babies turn into feral Muppet's whose past times consist of butt hole pleasures, schlong stretching and basically fucking your shit UP! I wouldn't change them for the world :)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">I had always intended on being one of those parents who taught their kids that a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina... Not a yoo-hoo, or wee-wee or wee-har-hoo=rar... And with Isabelle I stuck with that. She calls her vagina her gina... Which is a cuter version of vagina and less butch sounding than vag! Hows ya vag Madge?! Who the fuck is Madge? Fucked if I know! Keep up! Anyway, I say vag and I'm not butch... Mostly?! Anyway! Whatever! So I intended for Logan to call his penis his penis... But when I look at it I'm like 'nawww look at your little doodle!' sorry baby boy... It's entirely too cute to be a penis! He's got more chance of me calling it his Margaret Thatcher, than he does of me calling it his *serious voice* penis! Hahaha!</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #8e7cc3;">What does this have to do with this blog entry? Absolutely fuck all! Nada! Zip! Zilch Zero! Bupkiss! Diddly squat! Nada... SWEET FUCK ALL!!!! I like to keep you on your toes! Kinda like a ballerina on crack!!! Twirl bitch! TWIRL! Yeah anyway! So a little while back I posted a blog entry called <a href="http://jensspaghettiblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/its-in-your-mothers-anus.html">It's in your mother's anus</a> which was a collection of 'auto-correct' fuck ups... Quite entertaining shit! Anyway in light of the success of that post, and due to the fact I am still without a new laptop (meaning serious lack of motivation) I present the 2nd installment of epic auto correct fuck ups! Enjoy!</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_UYjDd3Cm7I6Di-ztcyuVSjgugOhsfOP5JmQOeZgNsLuYxfVLCMyDsWHpf15Es64Mnr8ov6Nfn1165jScLgm4JhqqelJvizBQR7YpLB1VpQ8WdStpJHDBuID8EJV4U83JFt7fncqRfej/s1600/blog1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_UYjDd3Cm7I6Di-ztcyuVSjgugOhsfOP5JmQOeZgNsLuYxfVLCMyDsWHpf15Es64Mnr8ov6Nfn1165jScLgm4JhqqelJvizBQR7YpLB1VpQ8WdStpJHDBuID8EJV4U83JFt7fncqRfej/s400/blog1.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">My advice... If you find a friend who can fit 6 cans in her vag... Keep her!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiujxXr1kj_NiOEEsV3lvl-YsvKMsIcddAIQJP28w2WP4zLTKuzMQYg5hl8f5phHtJ477UBebtDiU3nr2T-cDeGnyKy-B1KwCPjPgGHUWjjbJZ6wtX0vQyfcdbBxza5-BpF64PuM2bpl_S_/s1600/blog3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiujxXr1kj_NiOEEsV3lvl-YsvKMsIcddAIQJP28w2WP4zLTKuzMQYg5hl8f5phHtJ477UBebtDiU3nr2T-cDeGnyKy-B1KwCPjPgGHUWjjbJZ6wtX0vQyfcdbBxza5-BpF64PuM2bpl_S_/s400/blog3.JPG" width="360" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You can hem your beef curtains? What, with a regular Jenomi or do you need an industrial beef hemming machine?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEiGOqSJ4xhAhJGT9cxzm3eiGWJV4WJsIijyZFLspgoiNvmQCBvXcyCXTb1WrRXHqKstUnrFbVRbS6mP_aMUKXT2TsdrcJCcebzkl4n4ewrXv5P97bi0CLlE6i_JL_uQJ2lwsOqqs0gG4p/s1600/blog4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEiGOqSJ4xhAhJGT9cxzm3eiGWJV4WJsIijyZFLspgoiNvmQCBvXcyCXTb1WrRXHqKstUnrFbVRbS6mP_aMUKXT2TsdrcJCcebzkl4n4ewrXv5P97bi0CLlE6i_JL_uQJ2lwsOqqs0gG4p/s400/blog4.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Finger my camel toe all you want but stay the fuck away from my cannoli (butt hole?)... What?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4mwcFIYISCyf-INqrdb7zB7kA7CR3pGp9pV87NsBVpVqghq5XMAbd5XzvsgCL-GUKF9M1v_vR152qffRPvloAo8GXqpZyqEnq2n6zp54Qx0TLtLN1TB_qlOw6WEjI48WmI9QK5i_Y3kpq/s1600/blog5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4mwcFIYISCyf-INqrdb7zB7kA7CR3pGp9pV87NsBVpVqghq5XMAbd5XzvsgCL-GUKF9M1v_vR152qffRPvloAo8GXqpZyqEnq2n6zp54Qx0TLtLN1TB_qlOw6WEjI48WmI9QK5i_Y3kpq/s400/blog5.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I find someone freaking out and the other person being set on repeat fucking hilarious! I'd be a mess treating people in shock! Carlee died! Carlee. Carlee! Me- Ahahahahaha! Yes! Brilliant!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxBnY9kcaLt1a3BCp23Zub8U0hgRYuIcZoRvOAED7hE3Pwz_1iWE-DaqUgJ8DEcu1Je4BVzNLvwOr15yY_Og7BCQhIU8zmeY3c56UUpZ26OXUSiYd-RgkpFyLBRwWEqotW4VhoFCJf4Jkt/s1600/blog8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxBnY9kcaLt1a3BCp23Zub8U0hgRYuIcZoRvOAED7hE3Pwz_1iWE-DaqUgJ8DEcu1Je4BVzNLvwOr15yY_Og7BCQhIU8zmeY3c56UUpZ26OXUSiYd-RgkpFyLBRwWEqotW4VhoFCJf4Jkt/s400/blog8.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Mom is lying! Fucking crack heads leaving hot "creme pies" around the house!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia6DhgouWG1YaW8R3sRH12M8BI9otN-SOdhXc-euubnHG8AruAh6C_ilmpbouNBM-ShzM9w6hE_iukklfjCPL3aw-G2w1z4r1yy2AgYBeqT1RoC_si0iPYOXzU4Jbk3oTwZnEsIMnQAVa5/s1600/blog9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia6DhgouWG1YaW8R3sRH12M8BI9otN-SOdhXc-euubnHG8AruAh6C_ilmpbouNBM-ShzM9w6hE_iukklfjCPL3aw-G2w1z4r1yy2AgYBeqT1RoC_si0iPYOXzU4Jbk3oTwZnEsIMnQAVa5/s400/blog9.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Hahahaha REPEAT! Black dick! BLACK DICK!!! For fuck sake! Are you dense? I said BLACK DICK!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Ag7gzKfPqAJKz6yrcrCSvcP27tVIrwkVkF0Uscxvi083V8AfxH_b1hMLFq8oNwqTg-0b5h5LHX_2nUguBfLa9o6wYzIb8hjvxnGKNgc5_v1GPFLfIV6W5fMVT2zXMu2cDWOal6_U4hr9/s1600/blog10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Ag7gzKfPqAJKz6yrcrCSvcP27tVIrwkVkF0Uscxvi083V8AfxH_b1hMLFq8oNwqTg-0b5h5LHX_2nUguBfLa9o6wYzIb8hjvxnGKNgc5_v1GPFLfIV6W5fMVT2zXMu2cDWOal6_U4hr9/s400/blog10.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I fed a deer out of my vagina once... It's overrated!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwYByij631gsOBeO49SToB0vv7dtDAaLFbUbpePE7bq2MP8oO7N_H1Q5Z9pDQseBy1JdbbepTqrGOQ1fp1iADK5uLQo7rxfekMpKptqnZCp9yXgwtPreF3efPvSYPMUWIT3yhyphenhyphen93DZa0Oa/s1600/blog14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwYByij631gsOBeO49SToB0vv7dtDAaLFbUbpePE7bq2MP8oO7N_H1Q5Z9pDQseBy1JdbbepTqrGOQ1fp1iADK5uLQo7rxfekMpKptqnZCp9yXgwtPreF3efPvSYPMUWIT3yhyphenhyphen93DZa0Oa/s400/blog14.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">KIDS! You tell the to get their cunt out of the geezer and they act like you're speaking a different language! </span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;"></span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKe5hGyxtdPnGGvsv6pws-Qp6MWbdrXsJ-Jybs3R2hFD-CDN50H6Qg_8A2Jv5sl8ChzIkrNK0qAqL2HV0zJ5wbbH8Ec7YPwsvJzr1loy-dLi1tCD-1D_eomI_ske57UOAfaqpj6ZSHJZ-P/s1600/blog15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKe5hGyxtdPnGGvsv6pws-Qp6MWbdrXsJ-Jybs3R2hFD-CDN50H6Qg_8A2Jv5sl8ChzIkrNK0qAqL2HV0zJ5wbbH8Ec7YPwsvJzr1loy-dLi1tCD-1D_eomI_ske57UOAfaqpj6ZSHJZ-P/s400/blog15.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Want paid stress leave? Next time you're at work and it starts raining... Stand up, grab your hair and start yelling "It's raining HATS AND FIGS!!! HATS AND DONGS!!! FATS AND DOGS!!!" Then start howling and run out of the office!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTddyOHHRY3lPGh6NQl9INIdKcpu-RFboJaMGdPU9u6lEVmUW1zT1Dnv5-aalJDAv0geF7nDRWrZUO7ynFjYA0mfqgoGGcrXVJ4Y3UZ3X_v0gryWhCWdKlL5F32J1tQUxdXk4QGxJztZNy/s1600/blog17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTddyOHHRY3lPGh6NQl9INIdKcpu-RFboJaMGdPU9u6lEVmUW1zT1Dnv5-aalJDAv0geF7nDRWrZUO7ynFjYA0mfqgoGGcrXVJ4Y3UZ3X_v0gryWhCWdKlL5F32J1tQUxdXk4QGxJztZNy/s400/blog17.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">If Mom's Asian this isn't actually that weird!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjThN0uvm7SBignZPnuA00dQq49tnmNdAQ5ntCl-tz3nCnGr0mxDtrKnf7ZBS7xUicfuHGDlVnfVJwBm7uAkdUqPfhW2tOBZFgBL3xbyqNsFY4luBIC2aZONUG6R-raX97T92QrUNKTga08/s1600/blog18.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjThN0uvm7SBignZPnuA00dQq49tnmNdAQ5ntCl-tz3nCnGr0mxDtrKnf7ZBS7xUicfuHGDlVnfVJwBm7uAkdUqPfhW2tOBZFgBL3xbyqNsFY4luBIC2aZONUG6R-raX97T92QrUNKTga08/s400/blog18.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Call me strange but if I got a picture of some black Puma's after all that I'd feel robbed!<br />
I actually like the smell of burnt penis? Is it just me? Yeah? Ok then! Moving!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgla6OVArikuYi1pE-DUPoDm8Bxz4A8YX6NzuDqMvIc8lBaAljJcD1gIK-biixsdS0Ijawraw-QVkQP_yr-fJtVxc8ePCdq_0XGrAZ-CztQlLPubtQDkv8nNdcPH0jCjy1mhv5KSuXybVm3/s1600/blog19.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgla6OVArikuYi1pE-DUPoDm8Bxz4A8YX6NzuDqMvIc8lBaAljJcD1gIK-biixsdS0Ijawraw-QVkQP_yr-fJtVxc8ePCdq_0XGrAZ-CztQlLPubtQDkv8nNdcPH0jCjy1mhv5KSuXybVm3/s400/blog19.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You're camping and Dad's impotent... So... Who's pitching the tent?<br />
P.S We all have to start using the word SHATNERED!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwo5g-mJtOyHGEROAuKC_GGYmDiYcFbkl64kYfqkgNShhPrKAMi1j3dqBkLacfDioRMXw5lobnbZtI1ZXH2w4tMF33iRZQoJKd7gm6zlfzo8tSIGKxhlXD_zlt2xZu3-YjZ5d7SRBxmI0f/s1600/blog20.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwo5g-mJtOyHGEROAuKC_GGYmDiYcFbkl64kYfqkgNShhPrKAMi1j3dqBkLacfDioRMXw5lobnbZtI1ZXH2w4tMF33iRZQoJKd7gm6zlfzo8tSIGKxhlXD_zlt2xZu3-YjZ5d7SRBxmI0f/s400/blog20.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Effervescent Shitstain! Aaaaahahahaha! I'm so going into Bunnings drunk and demanding a free sample pot of Effervescent Shitstain! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHqPbEh0gZ4g9w5HC1WpjviOTEkWLgZ4FllC-t3DZtR-9RKrGBfzxoGcIVRO7hWrrO22ei2opJZZ6yNB1-guycVAZeqHbzwXIoAKhtQ2GgmAErbeRuPkmCsKGkYokcDePv5nLYeCQ1Dfpl/s1600/blog21.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHqPbEh0gZ4g9w5HC1WpjviOTEkWLgZ4FllC-t3DZtR-9RKrGBfzxoGcIVRO7hWrrO22ei2opJZZ6yNB1-guycVAZeqHbzwXIoAKhtQ2GgmAErbeRuPkmCsKGkYokcDePv5nLYeCQ1Dfpl/s400/blog21.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Tom's ball sack must be... HUGE! OR maybe it's a mini stapler! Either way I'm still impressed! <br />
</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga7kJFyXfl3J4AvNglyhvIkvOu4tfpCj4oxuDgARTHAgObZYxIcO7_jdDNh7FBicpfbBFAgc6XvgWCCPJGGSEnBOSRF57QsL7ChguB6eN8-XNJ3LWM67ZO3i8mWEThJPOjGVCFHfooytNj/s1600/blog6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga7kJFyXfl3J4AvNglyhvIkvOu4tfpCj4oxuDgARTHAgObZYxIcO7_jdDNh7FBicpfbBFAgc6XvgWCCPJGGSEnBOSRF57QsL7ChguB6eN8-XNJ3LWM67ZO3i8mWEThJPOjGVCFHfooytNj/s400/blog6.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">That's why I stopped going to church... Mmmwaaaahahaha?!?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqeKNQIqgQ8oKbKcg5a9xJyuNx7D3rVvJs5xT3UDO3Hk3uZ7j3kw1TW2e9IRtQdsiKFqnBs_6p4CwjTJe7PIz6X8JVOA4roH3nyXNjMUCj_ns8Ww7-CpWRB1nNh24gODUuMwF2-xHhOYM8/s1600/blog7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqeKNQIqgQ8oKbKcg5a9xJyuNx7D3rVvJs5xT3UDO3Hk3uZ7j3kw1TW2e9IRtQdsiKFqnBs_6p4CwjTJe7PIz6X8JVOA4roH3nyXNjMUCj_ns8Ww7-CpWRB1nNh24gODUuMwF2-xHhOYM8/s400/blog7.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ahahahaha! Christian mind fuck dot com! GOLD!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTl4FZrgG5OyyEDTuL1gDb8DKz3WoFFFojd3Shh8sj-_isk6n3DrPG-JTnLDqq0YhdXpvdsMbsz2M_L9DpTcCmOMqXcvBb6UOCpcIBdBkxLYjJLIIs0m1cuzeJu16M29h0yE59HvkbtwTU/s1600/blog11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTl4FZrgG5OyyEDTuL1gDb8DKz3WoFFFojd3Shh8sj-_isk6n3DrPG-JTnLDqq0YhdXpvdsMbsz2M_L9DpTcCmOMqXcvBb6UOCpcIBdBkxLYjJLIIs0m1cuzeJu16M29h0yE59HvkbtwTU/s400/blog11.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">YES! That's the 3RD JENNA text in this blog! It's a hot name ok!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh588_LSX0VoTsj34n_19Y2yy5-Hklf7e_RLQPKne126AubwK2mLwuDAM2qnes8Xd9OO6_akEBE2OSBPnF8yYcqeszAeE8-9ZkjTboUw-ViTqLLj5pDYcAO-qatEE8wSubFC6fFwkqmJYqx/s1600/blog12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh588_LSX0VoTsj34n_19Y2yy5-Hklf7e_RLQPKne126AubwK2mLwuDAM2qnes8Xd9OO6_akEBE2OSBPnF8yYcqeszAeE8-9ZkjTboUw-ViTqLLj5pDYcAO-qatEE8wSubFC6fFwkqmJYqx/s400/blog12.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Feather pussy out who error you horse! Ahahaha! That is all!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI6RundEr19QtF1xv9RPsVq39ikCtWt-QIQYCjwgTp8vM0MSEYNptdd0JJ9Wj9_rmV5UvA5dbIWgLZ3JFe1oXecbKeFJPxpaK0h5G_ansU0mBrqpVM3rKnnRQAMP4OGD2cIBe3ql9h1iXU/s1600/blog13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI6RundEr19QtF1xv9RPsVq39ikCtWt-QIQYCjwgTp8vM0MSEYNptdd0JJ9Wj9_rmV5UvA5dbIWgLZ3JFe1oXecbKeFJPxpaK0h5G_ansU0mBrqpVM3rKnnRQAMP4OGD2cIBe3ql9h1iXU/s400/blog13.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">They Googled themselves? Ewww!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpNyBPulRFGBOcLNjj2wZHcPV0ZlordWmmIK6AHy_CSgNBBhl2hWANUBUQZT-QkmmNXEokyk8wTToAp5g-6gNkdc3rOQLWnUGMN_pKRFqH5t_APOi1-Z6s8MJUcpLGQpAitHOm7pbYAtM5/s1600/blog16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpNyBPulRFGBOcLNjj2wZHcPV0ZlordWmmIK6AHy_CSgNBBhl2hWANUBUQZT-QkmmNXEokyk8wTToAp5g-6gNkdc3rOQLWnUGMN_pKRFqH5t_APOi1-Z6s8MJUcpLGQpAitHOm7pbYAtM5/s400/blog16.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Auto cucumber! Sounds fun! I hope it's burp-less... Was that your vagina!? NO! It was the cucumber!</span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span><br />
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</span></span>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-4401501284158798342011-07-15T00:59:00.000+08:002011-07-15T00:59:34.126+08:00I am the Internet!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Where the fuck have I been?? I have NOT been committed. Nor have I learnt the error of my ways and joined a NUNnery or a MONKery... Hahaha. Monkery! I still don't have a new laptop... I'm getting there... S-L-O-W-L-Y!!! So the laptop I'm borrowing decided to start shooting blue sparks out of the charger... I know! Exciting, right? But that didn't stop me from using it... After all... What's a little electrocution between friends? These blue sparks resulted in the charger deciding it couldn't work under those conditions so it just stopped working... No 2 weeks notice. No big explosive finale or anything like that! Although, some would say the blue sparks were notice enough and to them I say 'You dUmB!' </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I purchased a replacement charger for </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the laptop I'm borrowing so I am back to using that... I'm still making more typo's than a 1 handed, half blind, cracked out, illiterate spider monkey but hey, it's still better than running around my front yard screaming "I AM THE INTERNET!!!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">used to a big keyboard with all the keys being present. This is a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">widdle (yes... WIDDLE!) keyboard and it's missing more keys than your local hillbilly </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is missing teeth... Which means...Typos! Too many typos! Too many! *starts twitching!* </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm typing this on my phone and will proceed to email it to myself (</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">possibly with some sexy nude pictures attached!)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Then send it to my blog... Then onto you! See! It's all very complex! Lot of ins! Lot of outs! Lot of what-have-yous!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So in anticipation of getting a new laptop (remember I still need <a href="https://www.paypal.com/au/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=4jHJZNlJKsK8zwXPjZ3B1tQmXYRk1QcrEYw0cWZkLQFcWw0-wEg0PCIO22m&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f8e263663d3faee8deaa77efc63a6eb429928d42bdf5d9d2c">donations</a>) I started looking up some extras I might 'need' for when I get it. Like most of my ventures it starts off innocently enough... Then before I know it I wake up after a 3 days bender... Nipples covered in glitter, surrounded by dildos that have all mysteriously been covered with dirty socks that aren't mine and my mouth left tasting like Playdoh!? Good times! Where was I? Oh yeah... Laptop accessories! Specifically USB accessories! So I'm browsing and before long I found myself going from the practical (like the USB coffee mug warmer) to what the fucking fuck (like a fake USB powered aquarium)!?! Now you can re-live my journey! </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaNu7T7A2uxB3ezDg6lvR7sihGINZkToZoSgaFMABQJOsubJkwu_u2_CZQzxuheHZT2ErUmjYRDhsEdCTSB5FwxoBic4pX9RujBbXa6ZDXChBRsD2rocNm4bo8ZJKDPPcsW4I-y-mF1KSp/s1600/usb_george_foreman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaNu7T7A2uxB3ezDg6lvR7sihGINZkToZoSgaFMABQJOsubJkwu_u2_CZQzxuheHZT2ErUmjYRDhsEdCTSB5FwxoBic4pX9RujBbXa6ZDXChBRsD2rocNm4bo8ZJKDPPcsW4I-y-mF1KSp/s400/usb_george_foreman.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? It's a George Foreman USB Grill of course! Wait... What? Yeah, you read correctly! So many times I have been sitting at my desk typing away and thinking if only I could grill myself a healthy meal without having to leave my seat (how you get the food from the fridge to the grill is up to you- unless you buy a USB fridge!?) The whole thing seams a bit weird to me! Verdict: USELESS</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqjVbvhrcXUDbO4dVYnGbfgWoMwbeS8fT5CI1NdxhwiwYa8NUM0vq9zXoxQ8eS7wDScNcM9MX30nO9VXdbzjbOm94VllMM80C5Lx86QvFnSAO_sJET6awjKLzx6MAmAMxMx_1SDI8YLnGW/s1600/usb_humpingdogs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqjVbvhrcXUDbO4dVYnGbfgWoMwbeS8fT5CI1NdxhwiwYa8NUM0vq9zXoxQ8eS7wDScNcM9MX30nO9VXdbzjbOm94VllMM80C5Lx86QvFnSAO_sJET6awjKLzx6MAmAMxMx_1SDI8YLnGW/s320/usb_humpingdogs.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? USB HUMPING dogs! Why? Um... Coz we all want to see a small plastic dog humping our laptops? Don't we? Verdict: Somewhat entertaining. A good way to get you fired or incite sexual harassment! Wanna see it in action? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOPgXoBhhRM&feature=related">Click here!</a><br />
Verdict: USELESS & Weird!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb3JvljmYTeWO4bKufN1u6Cv2p1-LwY_cDBhOAYBYMRLygyx5tnJ6mUBbNd4wJkJ8Gkol55rwtf1uAIW3t0zYcBwUSohGHFMVYxmhkfF4rdpGfh-eK2FhbqPkWy_CZ1IEBaj4QDRqnpBTm/s1600/usb_oil_burner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb3JvljmYTeWO4bKufN1u6Cv2p1-LwY_cDBhOAYBYMRLygyx5tnJ6mUBbNd4wJkJ8Gkol55rwtf1uAIW3t0zYcBwUSohGHFMVYxmhkfF4rdpGfh-eK2FhbqPkWy_CZ1IEBaj4QDRqnpBTm/s320/usb_oil_burner.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? A USB oil burner. Not my cup of tea but I suppose it's a nice present for someone who has everything and smells a bit like ass! Verdict: NOT COMPLETELY USELESS!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheLcHc70sakWS8fe3w7830qClbfNTk-1CtjUWT1FUyIajpSIEZf5Hz2xj2AehFsoYhVbexWb-74miI_UfZJuvccmxyUs4QoY3DXNsGup0uhVsRIyA8ttb3L-S89kSDp5OntM00ncVKA83I/s1600/usb_pet_rock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheLcHc70sakWS8fe3w7830qClbfNTk-1CtjUWT1FUyIajpSIEZf5Hz2xj2AehFsoYhVbexWb-74miI_UfZJuvccmxyUs4QoY3DXNsGup0uhVsRIyA8ttb3L-S89kSDp5OntM00ncVKA83I/s320/usb_pet_rock.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? A USB pet rock... You plug it in... That's it! It does NOTHING. It draws NO power. It has NO drivers! WHY? Why would anyone want this? Verdict: USELESS & STUPID!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdBtHtJ3aUkOrJJdGeM5vII82JR44Am_MNesNPpdPmiZsx8y26WwmWb5F0RsmbhaY_Cqbt_s88GTRpata21_A2Fac43fVdx-eozxEdC83C4-UELY1NuvsnJf_u6r0Tydyx2QIG-pxSyEKZ/s1600/usb_yourock_midi_electric_guitar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdBtHtJ3aUkOrJJdGeM5vII82JR44Am_MNesNPpdPmiZsx8y26WwmWb5F0RsmbhaY_Cqbt_s88GTRpata21_A2Fac43fVdx-eozxEdC83C4-UELY1NuvsnJf_u6r0Tydyx2QIG-pxSyEKZ/s320/usb_yourock_midi_electric_guitar.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? It's a washing machine! Hahaha! No, not really! It's a USB electric guitar that is apparently surprisingly awesome! See for yourself <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJ0wUKbOTsk&feature=player_embedded#at=37">click me!</a> Want even more specs? <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/usb-gadgets/d37d/">Click here!</a><br />
It has real strings, can be used with or without a computer and is ALWAYS in tune! Verdict: FUCKING AWESOME!!!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOx_ZtyLie4krigog5bo3oYokiNhGXG2-gFti6iFUI9oE5qiWaDJoLPSFGsPshk1I111z8NNqTddNUEtGQCm7t4ORQ2rkemWdaUJLW-ADBCsVJ50Fh0CTMpOv4DZUL-c3u-m0iFLNMNMEs/s1600/bc22_marshall_mini_guitar_amp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOx_ZtyLie4krigog5bo3oYokiNhGXG2-gFti6iFUI9oE5qiWaDJoLPSFGsPshk1I111z8NNqTddNUEtGQCm7t4ORQ2rkemWdaUJLW-ADBCsVJ50Fh0CTMpOv4DZUL-c3u-m0iFLNMNMEs/s320/bc22_marshall_mini_guitar_amp.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ok this isn't a USB accessory but it's so cool I had to add it anyway! What is it? A Genuine Marshall mini amp that's what! What does it do? Well! It l<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; line-height: 15px;">ooks</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; line-height: 15px;"> and sounds like a full-size amp. It comes with a</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; line-height: 15px;"> belt clip for hands-free operation and a h</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; line-height: 15px;">eadphone jack for private rocking out! You can control tone & volume and literally rock out with your cock out... If that's what blows your hair back! </span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg32OhvaP9ypbN-Y2fZggs5sNVcLYvnGkTIux5Bo6ClfdwxFsD7tw4HNf0tU8q-hpHzpGqjEXjSEy6R5TMAwVGEn1pxxiajTMgAQH2xsLYJl4i5GNA2EoeF3LoM4ijyAX7ViYuhnBMjKxo-/s1600/bc22_marshall_mini_guitar_amp_inuse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg32OhvaP9ypbN-Y2fZggs5sNVcLYvnGkTIux5Bo6ClfdwxFsD7tw4HNf0tU8q-hpHzpGqjEXjSEy6R5TMAwVGEn1pxxiajTMgAQH2xsLYJl4i5GNA2EoeF3LoM4ijyAX7ViYuhnBMjKxo-/s320/bc22_marshall_mini_guitar_amp_inuse.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"> See! Awesome! (Runs off a 9 volt battery!)</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAmGt5rhVAtLQYCq4qllpWCJti4QxZfjHeyWuUwQ4M_-driL1csfyO8o_ucJ99s-IEzvBah1yTArhCNJLvrY6goLXycqwyCJsbgYXTK6TIiDAM7WHyKlOSs8nOtCOTVlm8GXvV-s7rUrNN/s1600/usb41433QEX20L._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAmGt5rhVAtLQYCq4qllpWCJti4QxZfjHeyWuUwQ4M_-driL1csfyO8o_ucJ99s-IEzvBah1yTArhCNJLvrY6goLXycqwyCJsbgYXTK6TIiDAM7WHyKlOSs8nOtCOTVlm8GXvV-s7rUrNN/s1600/usb41433QEX20L._SL500_AA300_.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? A USB keyboard vacuum! I think this is an awesome idea! A fun way to get rid of all the crap that accumulates under the keys of your keyboard! Verdict: Cool and useful!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeAvwlsRCWV1vNBsJ1nq2rZtYvpka2tE8dZtIBo5LAbqqCvv-PPJkAO1e3JaGx4t0mPae7j9RHORhIQ9RqG-2Oru0ABtv1Xhjdg4XpA58gOumc6LfGFENVrF2hp_svYw9ZCkaTKKDZWWbv/s1600/usb41S4zh7hFeL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeAvwlsRCWV1vNBsJ1nq2rZtYvpka2tE8dZtIBo5LAbqqCvv-PPJkAO1e3JaGx4t0mPae7j9RHORhIQ9RqG-2Oru0ABtv1Xhjdg4XpA58gOumc6LfGFENVrF2hp_svYw9ZCkaTKKDZWWbv/s1600/usb41S4zh7hFeL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? A USB missile launcher! You can even attach a webcam to this remote controlled missile launcher and accurately aim at passers by and then POW POW POW Man down! Man down! I'm hit! <br />
*Evil laugh!* Excellent!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9oJZDrNfKT3mvwwA6qRoOdMBPZVACZO8pHCxOv5mxj9R8oh570PYmLUcsFutO8npAf0tSmfZmVOxMtuuMfwyEWnC4hjH-tqWz_XdGuQpdWo_j2SHdHyEIckbQJB1mqnOSNJ4Rs-CgRo7d/s1600/usba332_cooler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9oJZDrNfKT3mvwwA6qRoOdMBPZVACZO8pHCxOv5mxj9R8oh570PYmLUcsFutO8npAf0tSmfZmVOxMtuuMfwyEWnC4hjH-tqWz_XdGuQpdWo_j2SHdHyEIckbQJB1mqnOSNJ4Rs-CgRo7d/s320/usba332_cooler.jpg" width="230" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? A USB mini fridge. Just big enough for a can of drink! Verdict: If you don't have a fridge at work and you like a soda with lunch this is for you. But if, like me your a "go hard or go home, nothing by halves" sorta person then....<br />
<br />
<br />
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</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZrT_95t927kLuP9wjtscj7gTrdtWstoQoUhk6za_hMPAE5sx25TC6ecUiC5ilpSubym3RSSY8OAS9OURl5z8fiRny1uQiXhlHJPg2GgdsR8uBWsObitFFVqqEAYQAkvI0Jf6LWh06mYxN/s1600/koolatron-coca-cola-fridge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZrT_95t927kLuP9wjtscj7gTrdtWstoQoUhk6za_hMPAE5sx25TC6ecUiC5ilpSubym3RSSY8OAS9OURl5z8fiRny1uQiXhlHJPg2GgdsR8uBWsObitFFVqqEAYQAkvI0Jf6LWh06mYxN/s320/koolatron-coca-cola-fridge.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This is for you!!! What is it? A BIG USB fridge! Big enough to store food to cook on your George Foreman USB Grill! See it's all making sense? Verdict: Cool, especially if you don't have a fridge... For some strange reason! Don't blame me if every man and his humping USB dog wants to put their drinks in your fridge though!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhomaGPRI6_Fgtbp35X8nod-tLy3yreufGPjFv9HlFmRwxJqaN7mF_TjC-2xyxOLIWL9pA68vAnfTZRomyZ_FeBoFXZQjaUKSNk1TbY7TC7z9p54drJPD3Q2ofTQK7gqyn4rkQ06C14LG3q/s1600/usba332_pole.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhomaGPRI6_Fgtbp35X8nod-tLy3yreufGPjFv9HlFmRwxJqaN7mF_TjC-2xyxOLIWL9pA68vAnfTZRomyZ_FeBoFXZQjaUKSNk1TbY7TC7z9p54drJPD3Q2ofTQK7gqyn4rkQ06C14LG3q/s320/usba332_pole.jpg" width="256" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">BAM! You HAVE to be entertained by a woman on a pole or you may literally die!!! I know, I know! It's a daily battle! WELL, THIS IS FOR YOU!!! She dances for you as you type. She comes with her own music, lights and pole plus there's no need to go change a hundred into smaller notes for tips! The faster you type the faster she dances! Verdict: WEIRD!!!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCBlnTFXU_v0ZIGWVBB1sD7EC9yEQjkxRRweAdX_mWPUwL28RCfw5dsoCAj9ynqiTJRUpHbheR3w-wAdbal6uymnN1Ehyphenhyphenpp6OhKQDCDaQQgxZTfyNGJDx8YEWo5VNmywZmO2Zq-VsfPUfc/s1600/usbeye_massager.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCBlnTFXU_v0ZIGWVBB1sD7EC9yEQjkxRRweAdX_mWPUwL28RCfw5dsoCAj9ynqiTJRUpHbheR3w-wAdbal6uymnN1Ehyphenhyphenpp6OhKQDCDaQQgxZTfyNGJDx8YEWo5VNmywZmO2Zq-VsfPUfc/s320/usbeye_massager.jpg" width="228" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? A USB eye massager. Wait... What? EYE MASSAGER!? ... I don't get it! I've NEVER EVER thought "Fuck! The muscles in my eyes are tight! I really need a massage... Preferably with a strange red rubber hand that plugs into the USB drive on my computer!" NEVER!!! Verdict: WTF!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAXR2nocVYMrL0WwsokG-m-rDucZkX9SbrhnK9tzjr7jhpofiDBcDOMSeWZh0DkG1wHdebLTBQ1X5BiI5Yik3CtIumD3rh6ToMVF89Sfmu5n67eG2uuZuRXtyLM-Tas97mjGwBcRyVfrA4/s1600/usb_panic_button-400-400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAXR2nocVYMrL0WwsokG-m-rDucZkX9SbrhnK9tzjr7jhpofiDBcDOMSeWZh0DkG1wHdebLTBQ1X5BiI5Yik3CtIumD3rh6ToMVF89Sfmu5n67eG2uuZuRXtyLM-Tas97mjGwBcRyVfrA4/s320/usb_panic_button-400-400.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What is it? A USB panic button. You know the drill! You're on Facebook or READING MY BLOG and all of a sudden... THE BOSS!!! FAAAARK!!! What do you do? Panic? NO! Panic Button? Yes! With a press of the huge red button, the USB Panic Button allows you to replace what is on your computer screen with a "pretend" work file. The included software features several fake spread sheets for use, as well as the ability to customise your own "panic" work pages. Verdict: Awesome! Although you boss may wonder why the fuck you have a massive red button on your desk. What you tell them is up to you!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWUZbuR1LAReh8QoPElKQAn20qCqN67PLNnQOp_z5DTlbOoK-e0Kr9yqM0kFbtkfPV7DhU938WdhkQbvxAuVX17FdHb-jbvvpYm3Ha2C3rWAsLeftkzhjnwewW9h2vQFEWLjNlBLi2o7qZ/s1600/usb-ghost-radar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWUZbuR1LAReh8QoPElKQAn20qCqN67PLNnQOp_z5DTlbOoK-e0Kr9yqM0kFbtkfPV7DhU938WdhkQbvxAuVX17FdHb-jbvvpYm3Ha2C3rWAsLeftkzhjnwewW9h2vQFEWLjNlBLi2o7qZ/s1600/usb-ghost-radar.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is it? A USB Ghost detector! Why? Coz some fool will buy it!? Probably?!? This device beeps and flashes red lights in response to "unusual magnetic waves" — meaning it will let you know when you're in the presence of ghosts. Who the fuck figured out what frequencies ghosts operate on? When did that happen? Apparently the Japanese figured it out but wont tell anyone else the 'secret' ... COUGH *BULLSHIT* This 'ghost detector' also doubles as a flash drive... Verdict: WEIRD! </span><br />
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</span><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So there you have it! Another installment of weird shit from yours truly! Hopefully the next time I post a blog entry it will be from behind a sexy new laptop! Hopefully!!!</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Until next time...</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Love ya guts!</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></div></td></tr>
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</span>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-35308833915689782302011-06-26T23:05:00.000+08:002011-06-26T23:05:33.056+08:00Smile if you take it in the ass!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whenever I start a new blog post it usually begins with a theme... Where it goes after that, well that's anyone's guess, but I always begin with semi normal intentions and a generalized theme! Whenever I have spare time and I'm online I like to look for blog material. If I come across something strange and/ or funny I save it. Here's a collection of random finds that don't really fit into any category other than they either made me laugh or freaked me right the fuck out!!! Ummm... Enjoy?</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChgvISe1Va3uA6NTRZIbcrKBIb3F8klesoj8ZKvhoARAQzx1Ds7-VYeWWWnDU0nx6j13YWKa3JaFBgZsgHuPnJioudCaQd2pSUbiPT8AUt2snV0QPWXwQyvuFKsppdvb6Vj5rjk4gzDnB/s1600/BONER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChgvISe1Va3uA6NTRZIbcrKBIb3F8klesoj8ZKvhoARAQzx1Ds7-VYeWWWnDU0nx6j13YWKa3JaFBgZsgHuPnJioudCaQd2pSUbiPT8AUt2snV0QPWXwQyvuFKsppdvb6Vj5rjk4gzDnB/s400/BONER.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Something for the boys... Or old men with a Viagra prescription!!!! How to pee with a boner!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuvpSPZ-PHVkBsy1BuBWg51H64b51g0ma74fvh3lNIQwANsle6DETYPp5rAy_jDWbN-aclLUraR5uqFtEnUOGce-srmt1JjGOE7GXw8nXc_2uZz2__cnoNPCloqPiLoeW-Q7IQBBZlIUTT/s1600/20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuvpSPZ-PHVkBsy1BuBWg51H64b51g0ma74fvh3lNIQwANsle6DETYPp5rAy_jDWbN-aclLUraR5uqFtEnUOGce-srmt1JjGOE7GXw8nXc_2uZz2__cnoNPCloqPiLoeW-Q7IQBBZlIUTT/s400/20.jpg" width="371" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I'd love to actually know what's going on here... I hope she didn't drink too much... She looks like a nasty fucking drunk ... And a biter!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI7Gc0RTHWs7OhvgqkmjXudyNxUc2bLGCNU9CHwTZdvUVtbjtvKtehSc99sKXe-qNvLLYPMf8-Nla877fUeI6nFHmDgSZj9oINezV5dOhbALx-HpxTze8aFG0VnwsDGSafvFXVTEBeCbvM/s1600/1035.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI7Gc0RTHWs7OhvgqkmjXudyNxUc2bLGCNU9CHwTZdvUVtbjtvKtehSc99sKXe-qNvLLYPMf8-Nla877fUeI6nFHmDgSZj9oINezV5dOhbALx-HpxTze8aFG0VnwsDGSafvFXVTEBeCbvM/s400/1035.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Little Miss Muffet.<br />
Sat on her tuffet.<br />
Eating her curds & whey.<br />
Along came a spider and sat down beside her and...<br />
He was like "Fucking god damn bitch! I'm just guna leave you the fuck alone!"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSlGVz-NkHhKV6P6O62GmWn-dWdqKkW4z3uVPS7zH5KkFakWH-WSA3vvTk6Y1RNZUSe3DRoD8NrTkaTpxtbQ2u0PI4uNL5dUpAHDRsk4QzxGKchM8PBaMQVbb60obbtsoelDakFl4kHXOk/s1600/1039.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSlGVz-NkHhKV6P6O62GmWn-dWdqKkW4z3uVPS7zH5KkFakWH-WSA3vvTk6Y1RNZUSe3DRoD8NrTkaTpxtbQ2u0PI4uNL5dUpAHDRsk4QzxGKchM8PBaMQVbb60obbtsoelDakFl4kHXOk/s400/1039.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Wow! That is all!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRmSoVQLJctNj7WSN72PyIL9B_nVpreegxbZm024vpPc348ohcZcuq3uNUq1yKx1zP3vYYbXVxH5GbHVhE8PV7u-dRmxHuQigVqJTMUGAs7_n_tzhDLO1Vr1k3YqHPOXpiTFN2BHpJpFBn/s1600/1083.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRmSoVQLJctNj7WSN72PyIL9B_nVpreegxbZm024vpPc348ohcZcuq3uNUq1yKx1zP3vYYbXVxH5GbHVhE8PV7u-dRmxHuQigVqJTMUGAs7_n_tzhDLO1Vr1k3YqHPOXpiTFN2BHpJpFBn/s400/1083.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">... And this is why you should never fuck your hairdressers husband! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrKNpDDX4J5X-afUKSfg7aTwP42Ao6YA1Bsv9ionMZu_uYQh1aTHmCHsIUePc787JQC4cErO3G980lmRoF5rIYYTBSqjmrLlaVdrXAu7N48VJT2KTY4ZXtqmiD1s3Wiik83wZJPWJzo_ln/s1600/1201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrKNpDDX4J5X-afUKSfg7aTwP42Ao6YA1Bsv9ionMZu_uYQh1aTHmCHsIUePc787JQC4cErO3G980lmRoF5rIYYTBSqjmrLlaVdrXAu7N48VJT2KTY4ZXtqmiD1s3Wiik83wZJPWJzo_ln/s400/1201.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It's call UNDERwear for a reason... Yikes!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvRHpSSavwuPWoEHEarNg2iT_r4SyhZvC6XoilkR9jBh5PJfNlYu6DUeT9PTb0CMjGRGxdREpaRnUfGh8MhOEmbwhbS9tblZUiBG4RjnAsYhZEcmm6Y4uRtsBztdZDbb34Hk0PPjwaJ0Lt/s1600/1424.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvRHpSSavwuPWoEHEarNg2iT_r4SyhZvC6XoilkR9jBh5PJfNlYu6DUeT9PTb0CMjGRGxdREpaRnUfGh8MhOEmbwhbS9tblZUiBG4RjnAsYhZEcmm6Y4uRtsBztdZDbb34Hk0PPjwaJ0Lt/s400/1424.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You too, BITCH! Seriously, what the fuck!?!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBopuXdGV93-MOt8ittvLHtJsa6_Z89ZSkEDGoNNllpcrHy8zPcxvZC72P2VcRzu8EsE265dtdD6lyOEg2_wiKDli_4E7cJmgJXR6SoGnaCKASujURGqVhAHy4Gh3JVjWtuZuPvZhbtWH/s1600/1225.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBopuXdGV93-MOt8ittvLHtJsa6_Z89ZSkEDGoNNllpcrHy8zPcxvZC72P2VcRzu8EsE265dtdD6lyOEg2_wiKDli_4E7cJmgJXR6SoGnaCKASujURGqVhAHy4Gh3JVjWtuZuPvZhbtWH/s400/1225.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">His butt crack looks like a tiny little vagina! $10 says it doesn't smell like vagina though!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_e9BiOvnI_N2zLqzcT7BwE8RdpMGggGXwG2sS2XJRgTuLt-kAMDzSuph7mEXV8TVFutsv6tgFMerUrrCFFwEt4RL6lFnKeh70-EfmeuArMqTcV7ZQ6b9o_9DdediuaczsQC69JHtC11OC/s1600/1273.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_e9BiOvnI_N2zLqzcT7BwE8RdpMGggGXwG2sS2XJRgTuLt-kAMDzSuph7mEXV8TVFutsv6tgFMerUrrCFFwEt4RL6lFnKeh70-EfmeuArMqTcV7ZQ6b9o_9DdediuaczsQC69JHtC11OC/s400/1273.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Is he trying to prove he doesn't take it in the ass?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjOBH4jtHqZCHk2Aekt0uS9kOKx80qrBD70zuf8szyV_YFAgAkrrer-j8v5d1zRWLppJ42_IkTL5WBIGmrjZDICV3-rTjvLg_45gMnFGK_MX3viJWNooSVN1LKarBoqHWTeWMi2T5Uhp-2/s1600/1285.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjOBH4jtHqZCHk2Aekt0uS9kOKx80qrBD70zuf8szyV_YFAgAkrrer-j8v5d1zRWLppJ42_IkTL5WBIGmrjZDICV3-rTjvLg_45gMnFGK_MX3viJWNooSVN1LKarBoqHWTeWMi2T5Uhp-2/s400/1285.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Well, that's one way to get your hubby to stop taking you from behind! Unfortunately she's married to the dude in the picture above...</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqe5L61ZXcSZCcc-a395wCBTABtbjOngl7IPMe-qcYunJcxyaVt9dxTOqUvasuaGrTPJQgHpjhEWk0QGeNMyuxPSMxspDMPpRh1Ob5Mvge70pUMJKq8VU67Rih8V60TbokvHuUuYWDQHXO/s1600/1358.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqe5L61ZXcSZCcc-a395wCBTABtbjOngl7IPMe-qcYunJcxyaVt9dxTOqUvasuaGrTPJQgHpjhEWk0QGeNMyuxPSMxspDMPpRh1Ob5Mvge70pUMJKq8VU67Rih8V60TbokvHuUuYWDQHXO/s400/1358.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ummm... Yeah!?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY4zlyXxzPWRBl9Tp9_Pjv3TJlsI21_NE9zk9jqCHly_vqjfJlYejptNkvPMFwG5tsuxkhOI1shZo8xIcQTZS13hx3Lqx7_h2ngmZaLbk2qMBASpEWR_vpZSfmIvfMVpJWX0lMl1wXL0Kw/s1600/1363.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY4zlyXxzPWRBl9Tp9_Pjv3TJlsI21_NE9zk9jqCHly_vqjfJlYejptNkvPMFwG5tsuxkhOI1shZo8xIcQTZS13hx3Lqx7_h2ngmZaLbk2qMBASpEWR_vpZSfmIvfMVpJWX0lMl1wXL0Kw/s400/1363.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ok so there's the dude trying to smuggle a basket ball in his shorts or there's Bride of Frankenstein ... Or 'Happy', as her friends call her... You pick the weirdo!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi96Rt7ucyfUSgHY_Do03h_sNV1iY_50hp3Fk1aKy_f3dluybbMdkTSceiFsDG8rOk-efu0IBhhqzx_MdhhBAbwFawXI8Mp1zBX3YxAiGgI8X09m4czo4Wdx0QVGubFMuausORMOG99YNcv/s1600/1425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi96Rt7ucyfUSgHY_Do03h_sNV1iY_50hp3Fk1aKy_f3dluybbMdkTSceiFsDG8rOk-efu0IBhhqzx_MdhhBAbwFawXI8Mp1zBX3YxAiGgI8X09m4czo4Wdx0QVGubFMuausORMOG99YNcv/s400/1425.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The real 'Joe Dirt'!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ibhf_w4nispWfGXRFDHjebf_DiXzW_MooLxh9y0imvX1YRnXDlPk12diOBwoFsEusPzmnFiNb07tLzq1F461lGpCrmmhthhjUP8k48tgHwv8lzehI-kq2fU0TaikLS80ox1gn11K9Bk-/s1600/backtits.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ibhf_w4nispWfGXRFDHjebf_DiXzW_MooLxh9y0imvX1YRnXDlPk12diOBwoFsEusPzmnFiNb07tLzq1F461lGpCrmmhthhjUP8k48tgHwv8lzehI-kq2fU0TaikLS80ox1gn11K9Bk-/s400/backtits.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">THIS is what I'm talking when I refer to 'back titties'<br />
Just think... If she gave you head while you were standing, her back fat is in the shape of a love heart! And people say romance is dead! Pffft! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQi-mjMkftwI3R6vpR8J4pVmTLHTOyOER-GMKe1RNwOuBY610TfdN5xiDFlAT82Z5jrZcGuJHXNlreIUfbDPDJxcFLWXuPF154ail0DYEHJX8iCbjAnUdNQPhYJ2FLFpiVXB6SmHoEdzGi/s1600/1406.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQi-mjMkftwI3R6vpR8J4pVmTLHTOyOER-GMKe1RNwOuBY610TfdN5xiDFlAT82Z5jrZcGuJHXNlreIUfbDPDJxcFLWXuPF154ail0DYEHJX8iCbjAnUdNQPhYJ2FLFpiVXB6SmHoEdzGi/s400/1406.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">He's shopping for condoms! Fucking WHY?!?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYjBPRY0s3e6j05saGWihZ5meoqnAJhsQ26B7vZxC70Fy_nSy2G1wQ-XqrqFc0wwVyaJ5rnIOFHP0yp5TQI_XFsGzmOSyzjt8U88fLtB3PRQvQgonJhOjuJqsWDrfPLiAnmIb7xVmNPFh/s1600/1464.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYjBPRY0s3e6j05saGWihZ5meoqnAJhsQ26B7vZxC70Fy_nSy2G1wQ-XqrqFc0wwVyaJ5rnIOFHP0yp5TQI_XFsGzmOSyzjt8U88fLtB3PRQvQgonJhOjuJqsWDrfPLiAnmIb7xVmNPFh/s400/1464.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It's the ancient battle of the melting gut versus the hungry vagina!!! The victim? Her shorts!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghtUSD3WhaByBEdYhsaY1dhxJjOrng5I-IP88a037__5LUDk6BOiQgPFe89Fklu7U86m2XHH7C9trLdqM6AnQI7tdFyqSyIkxuRnvWvfcznWcX-u7n0iwzllhmZL35reSSQq2shvnq65n3/s1600/1669FL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghtUSD3WhaByBEdYhsaY1dhxJjOrng5I-IP88a037__5LUDk6BOiQgPFe89Fklu7U86m2XHH7C9trLdqM6AnQI7tdFyqSyIkxuRnvWvfcznWcX-u7n0iwzllhmZL35reSSQq2shvnq65n3/s400/1669FL.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Anyone else wanna rub his titties? No? </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEj4KLvcgzKoQtQJhgZxOq0y9I63XnG_QBPBxN2ecoLwyAnlhBuCr1PcXUkqrEAr4uwlwDe6XTL1kj_uWvNrF1hXpVOoH5uW39Tl6tpoJOQaAr9CrwhiPNExSbZKZaoShBKxL6FeLPI76s/s1600/f9753d5b5acbcd80582d4db7695775a1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="395" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEj4KLvcgzKoQtQJhgZxOq0y9I63XnG_QBPBxN2ecoLwyAnlhBuCr1PcXUkqrEAr4uwlwDe6XTL1kj_uWvNrF1hXpVOoH5uW39Tl6tpoJOQaAr9CrwhiPNExSbZKZaoShBKxL6FeLPI76s/s400/f9753d5b5acbcd80582d4db7695775a1.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">YO! Check it! Hahaha! WEIRD!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7m8xoWjEdYqgKgblBAKuZHW-bZSNqqaSyT_HxTxj3ECXxRGzs6pRgi38XspP_FOlcPEu-VSm6-1EgxRbXV3bjQ6_IPoEAscn66ARzpzZUHe1CYR-nSkIGxZ5DYma_zsX0uqBApnVll4jV/s1600/snake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7m8xoWjEdYqgKgblBAKuZHW-bZSNqqaSyT_HxTxj3ECXxRGzs6pRgi38XspP_FOlcPEu-VSm6-1EgxRbXV3bjQ6_IPoEAscn66ARzpzZUHe1CYR-nSkIGxZ5DYma_zsX0uqBApnVll4jV/s400/snake.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Hahahaha! GOLD!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB_8FvlAEpBev-m6dGkDdNNQGbBFXTeIBAqFFDkeu2ISNQ6MnnvdBunkCVyQTTiaDDmpyqIvtF-anmP-t4O0H-euIcjC3Ert7CUaj9WLfPIrQpLr25XjtSj77zYdQpn1VHdzNcU0AgtLaM/s1600/tumblr_lltw6h8F3y1qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB_8FvlAEpBev-m6dGkDdNNQGbBFXTeIBAqFFDkeu2ISNQ6MnnvdBunkCVyQTTiaDDmpyqIvtF-anmP-t4O0H-euIcjC3Ert7CUaj9WLfPIrQpLr25XjtSj77zYdQpn1VHdzNcU0AgtLaM/s400/tumblr_lltw6h8F3y1qctkcl.jpg" width="305" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Yeah, thanks DAD! Fuck head!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHIG_FK38OLb-TP1XbKW0uQcJUcnLSmPESnpBFAGGsucn7v3EAT5gTUQ9oJ2Zp4iYb9JT8MjbZb3RPInOv6T-IYYLLXmIcsrvaOMGMZHHSm87vBPKBpgLQ3EWonzPXEWXNhUCnWlT42YVY/s1600/tumblr_ln9s3hLjhZ1qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHIG_FK38OLb-TP1XbKW0uQcJUcnLSmPESnpBFAGGsucn7v3EAT5gTUQ9oJ2Zp4iYb9JT8MjbZb3RPInOv6T-IYYLLXmIcsrvaOMGMZHHSm87vBPKBpgLQ3EWonzPXEWXNhUCnWlT42YVY/s400/tumblr_ln9s3hLjhZ1qctkcl.jpg" width="271" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Nar... I think he CAN get them a little higher! His poor vagina! Yeesh!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOW-UYTyfSF1gp4s2y1a3m8xZ6-eH1JdQRWCX57pvsgAjCL5yc0mmU27Iah4heMFYI1fJzHrrCa4c4PWv_UmOw702PZWhTosrG0zTJ7RwqgW49OM2ypHoO16sUOdbcVBNwa44JH-6qUUmw/s1600/tumblr_ln7v34UL9d1qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="370" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOW-UYTyfSF1gp4s2y1a3m8xZ6-eH1JdQRWCX57pvsgAjCL5yc0mmU27Iah4heMFYI1fJzHrrCa4c4PWv_UmOw702PZWhTosrG0zTJ7RwqgW49OM2ypHoO16sUOdbcVBNwa44JH-6qUUmw/s400/tumblr_ln7v34UL9d1qctkcl.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">You heard the man!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRaiZB1J1614XoDxNPTqJHaRPnZiNWq2zsUEMISMppyFvF2CdqeP4bXUi3wU6Z-koLUgy1kvjb2_p2hse_RsH6Eo0eb-m59A5PsDSLdYsUfzK2sxRgzarAUlCGbuD-SKJH2bb2s-6LE1oJ/s1600/tumblr_ln4bp7IqF01qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRaiZB1J1614XoDxNPTqJHaRPnZiNWq2zsUEMISMppyFvF2CdqeP4bXUi3wU6Z-koLUgy1kvjb2_p2hse_RsH6Eo0eb-m59A5PsDSLdYsUfzK2sxRgzarAUlCGbuD-SKJH2bb2s-6LE1oJ/s400/tumblr_ln4bp7IqF01qctkcl.jpg" width="280" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">... That stupid mole of a dressmaker fucked up my dress!<br />
It's off white! I specifically said EGG SHELL!!! Christ! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilptqwYFGs1A6Jk9YYe05IUrxWbEad30MFcc9zmExVO908lWtBzfyaMSPOuoV0SfrbppsrhkCBrglRj5byGH9L_9ntIZ1SZQOtOAUTitLihWcloPyKyIdFu0ODDMe50zLI7gTV9tZYTjzY/s1600/tumblr_ln01kmbOqg1qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilptqwYFGs1A6Jk9YYe05IUrxWbEad30MFcc9zmExVO908lWtBzfyaMSPOuoV0SfrbppsrhkCBrglRj5byGH9L_9ntIZ1SZQOtOAUTitLihWcloPyKyIdFu0ODDMe50zLI7gTV9tZYTjzY/s400/tumblr_ln01kmbOqg1qctkcl.jpg" width="392" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">That's the same thing I said to Todd when we first met... </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKpUKG-ew-7jIWK_GWRGUNYRKROLttzrND7OcQa8wW4voTBhhXeBQT5aWR_Rr5c_rwqDUWEbix02TwljtAS0YOWAKYleUUMTya9tiSlhQR2u1wV_VL7G0WaAEmzzouenqwKHsqG0ui4pEr/s1600/tumblr_ln01qfG2901qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKpUKG-ew-7jIWK_GWRGUNYRKROLttzrND7OcQa8wW4voTBhhXeBQT5aWR_Rr5c_rwqDUWEbix02TwljtAS0YOWAKYleUUMTya9tiSlhQR2u1wV_VL7G0WaAEmzzouenqwKHsqG0ui4pEr/s400/tumblr_ln01qfG2901qctkcl.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">No idea what's going on here! I think someone's taking the piss... Although, I may not make any sense if I had someone park their car on my privates?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKlRcQdkTMHCWcGp8Wo51ZVg6rkEqjzqQOFri2FRlBFmPQbrTBrXRqfSg3jf6IOXAhJWFubeR1IEeRQxpKd4zIBEBd9-lPE8lmMLmvcR0RRj6dTFPbiO2ybOQt3kZ4hNIFWMzvUykQJE-T/s1600/tumblr_lmoxa2xsYb1qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKlRcQdkTMHCWcGp8Wo51ZVg6rkEqjzqQOFri2FRlBFmPQbrTBrXRqfSg3jf6IOXAhJWFubeR1IEeRQxpKd4zIBEBd9-lPE8lmMLmvcR0RRj6dTFPbiO2ybOQt3kZ4hNIFWMzvUykQJE-T/s400/tumblr_lmoxa2xsYb1qctkcl.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I'm so confused... And extremely aroused!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLg-MwV1lb7T3gcpiccp5K3AodXJbBm-Yth0x4w5fcHANw34c4vW5HoRq17xySZRtfxFIOEcHI16JnhQnSv4iHdmYN3QDB5FfEA0oFm-zmh9N_7G69bdAi23bGS2j-LBY6lX3ah1L22nnC/s1600/some-really-weird-photos-from-japan03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLg-MwV1lb7T3gcpiccp5K3AodXJbBm-Yth0x4w5fcHANw34c4vW5HoRq17xySZRtfxFIOEcHI16JnhQnSv4iHdmYN3QDB5FfEA0oFm-zmh9N_7G69bdAi23bGS2j-LBY6lX3ah1L22nnC/s400/some-really-weird-photos-from-japan03.jpg" width="306" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Japan! Great fucking county!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-n5vsoVhB8mt9OK96kWbQOMajB7L7F3CzD8rCbuojrjnlYG7s2hjYkdaryG0cb8rB0IVUveJShZrRQQnrwrhYfXWzpSv7ImyYvWp9xqqN9D1G1api0ldW_4hbEXK-L57IH55O1KS_tXaG/s1600/tumblr_lmju2iDGnx1qctkcl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-n5vsoVhB8mt9OK96kWbQOMajB7L7F3CzD8rCbuojrjnlYG7s2hjYkdaryG0cb8rB0IVUveJShZrRQQnrwrhYfXWzpSv7ImyYvWp9xqqN9D1G1api0ldW_4hbEXK-L57IH55O1KS_tXaG/s400/tumblr_lmju2iDGnx1qctkcl.jpg" width="313" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This is what I may have to resort to get some more donations to my blog! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT0cgm-J1qWOvFne_2QK6KM2JBvzUV0AYS_Tx_b5n65zrO7Ov0GuX2MIEFWkJoEKsCiX2QYaXQVPSFTxuCo7nVfxt1l7s4sfMzoGE1m5QAcwvUmihtWQrPKhpz59fXDMQ4hukxaHoik-vC/s1600/78c5cfbb992b2dd44148100d7a383b3f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT0cgm-J1qWOvFne_2QK6KM2JBvzUV0AYS_Tx_b5n65zrO7Ov0GuX2MIEFWkJoEKsCiX2QYaXQVPSFTxuCo7nVfxt1l7s4sfMzoGE1m5QAcwvUmihtWQrPKhpz59fXDMQ4hukxaHoik-vC/s640/78c5cfbb992b2dd44148100d7a383b3f.jpg" width="404" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I fell in love with this picture. Hopefully it'll make up for all the trauma caused from viewing the above!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember kiddies... Donations are most appreciated and are a fantastic preventative for sudden penile combustion! Fucking BOOM! Hahahaha! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></div><div><br />
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</span></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-38603650370052712782011-06-19T18:10:00.000+08:002011-06-19T18:10:01.603+08:00What The Fucking Fuck!?!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So apparently I went to high school with the dude featured in the attached YouTube clip... I don't claim to have the best memory in the world plus I did go to 3 different high schools so sometimes people just lapse my memory. I usually only remember you if I loved you, hated you or thought you were really fucking weird and I'd thought about stabbing you! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway so yeah apparently I went to high school with this "Johnny" dude... And supposedly he was a fan of me... To the point of stalking? He was also rather... Ummm rotund with a glass shattering high pitched super squeaky voice... He added me on Facebook ages ago and I accepted his friend request... Because I'm just that nice! However, I quickly deleted him when he made some left of field feral ass reference to his cock... Other people have also said he is very strange/ delusional... Yet for the life of me I have absolutely NO recollection of this person! How the fuck have I blocked out a chunky, delusional chipmunk stalker type?!?? HOW?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then the amazing Miss Tarryn sent me this video of Johnny and it all became suddenly VERY clear... I have blocked out this dudes entire existence! A whole person... POOF gone! Erased! I dunno if it was a coping mechanism caused by severe trauma or if my fragile juvenile brain completely shut down due to the over stimuli of the "what the fucking fuck" area of the brain located in the frontal lobe!?! Either way... No memories AT ALL! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway... Watch the video and I can guarantee you a few things:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A) You will immediately feel better about being YOU; </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">B) You'll NEVER fucking forget Johnny... Like EVER!;</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;">C) The song featured in the clip is forever ruined;</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;">and D) You may feel really embarrassed and/ or freaked out- it's ok! You're not alone! </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/VihTVhwhSRc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope you enjoyed it seems like a weird statement but yeah... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love your guts!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ps. Thanks to Tazza for sending me this hilariousness and remember, if you can spare it donations are very much appreciated so I can continue to bring you the very best blog I can!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thanks guys! xoxoxox</span><br />
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</div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-65608191488561020622011-06-19T00:11:00.000+08:002011-06-19T00:11:27.031+08:00OMG! You're like totally 5% less bald than before!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCcVyyZsi4qFFw011EBdqKLBpC-3nJh-wA-Gv2zClrazzAfJad-XP01XyEoiSc80mR7xZmi5HTf5_8_ZQngvya9CFf8GCh6nslVSSM4P1CQKTic8vTqq1d8NHKmneE-qS5FZG9up8B6wDx/s1600/aipo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCcVyyZsi4qFFw011EBdqKLBpC-3nJh-wA-Gv2zClrazzAfJad-XP01XyEoiSc80mR7xZmi5HTf5_8_ZQngvya9CFf8GCh6nslVSSM4P1CQKTic8vTqq1d8NHKmneE-qS5FZG9up8B6wDx/s200/aipo.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How could you not want one?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">FIRSTLY! FROM NOW UNTIL OCTOBER 31ST IF YOU DONATE $5 OR MORE TO MY BLOG (JUST CLICK THE DONATE BUTTON ON THE RIGHT) YOU GO IN THE RUNNING TO WIN AN IPOD NANO (6TH GEN WITH TOUCH SCREEN, RADIO, PEDOMETER, 8GB RRP $179) NO CATCHES IT'S BRAND NEW IN THE BOX. NEVER USED OR OPENED. IF YOU HAVE ALREADY DONATED YOU'RE ALREADY IN THE DRAW!!! GOOD LUCK & THANK YOU! PS each $5 gets you ONE entry. 2 entries for $10, 3 for $15 etc etc. I'm happy to send the IPOD overseas so everyone can donate and enter. It's AU$5! </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was talking to Todd the other night and the subject of comb overs came up... Anyway... And I don't really know why, but comb overs make me really angry! It's just one of my many MANY oddities! So anyway... Comb overs... </span>RAAARRRRR<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">! I'm totally sympathetic to men losing their hairs (yes, I said HAIRS- </span>coz<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> when you're going bald you notice every single fucking follicle that decides to up and abandon your increasingly shiny little head!) and just because male pattern baldness has been accepted by society doesn't mean it's any easier on the poor dude whose losing his locks! HOWEVER... Comb overs? Really, guys are you serious? You look absolutely fucking ridiculous and you aren't fooling anyone!!! No one has ever... EVER looked at a dude with a comb and thought 'Fuck me, that guy has really great fucking head of hair!' NO ONE! EVER!</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> You obviously have a complex about having no hair. You may<b> think</b> people are judging you for being follicular-ly challenged or that they are appalled at your unabashed naked scalp openly parading in full view of small children but in reality no one cares! We've seen bald guys before... It's not shocking or memorable. That being said, if you really DO want to stand out and be judged and laughed at then the comb over is a great fucking move! You are guaranteed to draw attention to yourself in a way that just being bald will never do. Plus you can be sure you're rocking the shit out of that sexy paedophile chic, that all us women secretly desire! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now share the horror, the disgust, the seedy feelings and the humour of *BARM BARM BARRRM!* COMB OVERS UNLEASHED!!!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNlRNvT1w-wzAwwXsGrZLGgc6JaXYsDL38tbrGcsyFBq6jFBP4vzolfSigRn8ie5Ko1yCnFjZAFAiOcbPIqI1ZNkJMFCKKli3ebldKcf9vmIvUqfkIktgqEGrhHovkatKbcUW9uVrZgtqi/s1600/88808_fail-owned-comb-over-fail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNlRNvT1w-wzAwwXsGrZLGgc6JaXYsDL38tbrGcsyFBq6jFBP4vzolfSigRn8ie5Ko1yCnFjZAFAiOcbPIqI1ZNkJMFCKKli3ebldKcf9vmIvUqfkIktgqEGrhHovkatKbcUW9uVrZgtqi/s400/88808_fail-owned-comb-over-fail.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Dear Sir, In order to sport a 'successful' comb over, you must have enough hair to COMB the other hair OVER to... </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbrVai6TfKsa0_v9lrsxlrZGGpCL4uGmWbdqLBwBp0mzGQM4p2mGIPFrCSxceU1Pr1Ln1pMX1284qOSy9-kU4iEn27rHXpoCrMcpMpxfEGm8nX6sf4IBwAhKwNJz9gERsWrrzW7U99jsXL/s1600/442px-Donald_Trump_announcing_latest_David_Blaine_feat_3-alt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbrVai6TfKsa0_v9lrsxlrZGGpCL4uGmWbdqLBwBp0mzGQM4p2mGIPFrCSxceU1Pr1Ln1pMX1284qOSy9-kU4iEn27rHXpoCrMcpMpxfEGm8nX6sf4IBwAhKwNJz9gERsWrrzW7U99jsXL/s400/442px-Donald_Trump_announcing_latest_David_Blaine_feat_3-alt.jpg" width="295" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">With a head like that, I hardly see why it matters, but with his money... WTF!?! Obviously he has that much money that no one will tell him he looks like a raging homo... Actually, no! No self respecting gay dude would EVER have that shit on their heads! He should change his name to Lester the Molester! Or maybe Donald Hump?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq9wfeqf_gh-J15rYkluG0j4iEJMl8dL4PGu8fLbi6HHELIwgvne0KIlT4qNb1byq_q1wGr-25nNVZCvsQ1y_Wy7oKF7MQ9vyXb9hsfTadf6jDI6cAZgjRtWOcHXjnDd3QqOPC26KPtgeq/s1600/34438608_db83a57af7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq9wfeqf_gh-J15rYkluG0j4iEJMl8dL4PGu8fLbi6HHELIwgvne0KIlT4qNb1byq_q1wGr-25nNVZCvsQ1y_Wy7oKF7MQ9vyXb9hsfTadf6jDI6cAZgjRtWOcHXjnDd3QqOPC26KPtgeq/s400/34438608_db83a57af7.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Why fucking bother? Wow you're like 5% less bald! It's like getting a full Brazilian wax but leaving a landing strip and letting it really bush up! It's just fucking weird!!! And it makes NO sense!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSVcBLA4O8MsHmNsb8vxYTRTP03jLxTRez1HBB6FEBjlAsdKhfqfgjhFuhgckgW0eazFEo9Gj5deI0U4n_oX-to0gTYL8J1on9DucqgqDhWsewJ3TLe20FcbNWfMhCitxOGekvBpbhPKSi/s1600/6a00d83451595969e200e54f3dc5378834-640wi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSVcBLA4O8MsHmNsb8vxYTRTP03jLxTRez1HBB6FEBjlAsdKhfqfgjhFuhgckgW0eazFEo9Gj5deI0U4n_oX-to0gTYL8J1on9DucqgqDhWsewJ3TLe20FcbNWfMhCitxOGekvBpbhPKSi/s320/6a00d83451595969e200e54f3dc5378834-640wi.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Now THAT's dedication!!! Yeah, dude coz no one's gunna notice that huge random part at the back of your head? FUCK HEAD!!! OMFG I would so scream at this guy if I saw him out in public! "Hey, fuck head! NICE FUCKING HAIR, FUCK HEAD!!! YEAH, YOU! YA FUCK HEAD!!!"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC8JQk9odoG5eSATm65BYcgiT9vwVaxgFpLIAw0itNup2hUZAuAsHq0qjCfAV2ZL5obXRy0iUyBChSPPwabw6aJvVA4hN563OQczTJ4gNCNGdOX_4wGw_O2KCBMRyJ_j_I9Rhdfng0pHik/s1600/combover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC8JQk9odoG5eSATm65BYcgiT9vwVaxgFpLIAw0itNup2hUZAuAsHq0qjCfAV2ZL5obXRy0iUyBChSPPwabw6aJvVA4hN563OQczTJ4gNCNGdOX_4wGw_O2KCBMRyJ_j_I9Rhdfng0pHik/s320/combover.jpg" width="304" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This is just like a half assed effort of the above! I respect the other dude more though coz at least he put a solid effort into looking completely out of touch with the modern free thinking world! EPIC FAIL!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaO7_u-FNSR06B5kA3HeLUjWQofyo-Fahq6sPmJZKamQ27cfET1WEjwII4_xNV2KTNCWUYnGAIgldaej-GwAYjMVWe1indwolqyvmk9g9KtWnHMHLctASBkQghF8jRDukihgIf6n8ojVZO/s1600/comb-over-comb-over-demotivational-poster-1274852929.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaO7_u-FNSR06B5kA3HeLUjWQofyo-Fahq6sPmJZKamQ27cfET1WEjwII4_xNV2KTNCWUYnGAIgldaej-GwAYjMVWe1indwolqyvmk9g9KtWnHMHLctASBkQghF8jRDukihgIf6n8ojVZO/s400/comb-over-comb-over-demotivational-poster-1274852929.jpg" width="335" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Hahahahaha! His whole head is backwards. Or sideways? Or upside down? Fuck knows!!! Between his eyebrows and his hair I'm so so so lost! Hahahaha! Aaaannnnd! I'm back! Fucking freak!</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So until next time my lovelies...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please DONATE!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxo</span>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-43199504426904574792011-06-15T01:49:00.000+08:002011-06-15T01:49:02.874+08:00But why is there no Disco Puma?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I was trawling the Internet looking for funny shit to entertain you lot with and I stumbled upon a picture of a Harry Potter DVD case... Not that interesting, right? WRONG!!! Fucking WRONG!!! The DVD is obviously a burnt copy from overseas because it's just fucked up! It's written in English but as you'll soon see it's got absolutely NOTHING to do with Harry Potter- Like, at fucking all!!! This random find then lead me down a weird and wonderful path of movie posters- with a foreign twist! Enjoy! I give you full permission to say 'WHAT THE FUCK' out loud and as often as necessary... And trust me when I say, it WILL be necessary!!!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuxM-l8ZmLTLDc1CsFhyphenhyphenl6dvTbTfXMt46Ci59Bu8KsIC1lFY9drHLCaQJPNsKMlNGLcJEvHLltqkG3vAoF_rOOaOqn5SHjo1rb2WARTTtUElDlBOoxV34vC4lXcH-90urgpeZZfn_hITTY/s1600/horry.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuxM-l8ZmLTLDc1CsFhyphenhyphenl6dvTbTfXMt46Ci59Bu8KsIC1lFY9drHLCaQJPNsKMlNGLcJEvHLltqkG3vAoF_rOOaOqn5SHjo1rb2WARTTtUElDlBOoxV34vC4lXcH-90urgpeZZfn_hITTY/s640/horry.JPG" width="489" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ok, so at first glance everything appears to be normal... At first, I was like... And why is this funny? Then I saw Billy Bob Thornton's name and I knew that something was terribly wrong... It reads as follows:<br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="apple-style-span">Directed by <b>Billy Bob Thornton</b>, two young men (<b>Matt Damon and Henry Thomas</b>) celebrate the recent ending of <b>World War II</b> by riding out of their native <st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><b>Texas</b></st1:place></st1:state> into the wild west, meeting friends and fellow adventurers along the way. Once they reach <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on"><b>Mexico</b></st1:place></st1:country-region>, they become smitten with a young woman (<b>Penelope Cruz</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="apple-style-span">) who is the daughter of a ranch owner. As foreboding clouds threaten their so-far sunny skies, the men throw themselves headlong into danger.</span><br />
<b><span class="apple-style-span">“The Wizard Of Oz”</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">F- it’s time A Complete triumph</span></b><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Bonus features</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Anamorphic Widescreen (Aspect Ratio 2:35:1)</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Commentary by Director<b> Harold Ramis</b></span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Commentary by<b> Elizabeth Hurly and Trevor Albert</b></span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Making of Featurette, Costume Design Featurette, Still Gallery</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">English 5:1 <b>suroung</b>, english Dolby Surround, French Dolby Surround</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Subtitles: English, Spanish</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Warner bros. pictures presents a <b>Cruise/Wagner-Vinyl Films production</b> of a Chris Buck film Daniel Rancliffe “Harry” Emma Watston Rupert Grint Richard Harris and Samantha Morton music by Nancy Wilson music supervision Danny Bramson costumes designed by Betsy Hermann edited by Joe Hutshing ace production designer Catherine Hardwicke director of photography John Toll ASC executive producer Jonathan Sanger Danny Bramson Fernando Bovara Bill Block Patrick Wachsberger assistant producer Michael Doven produced by Tom Cruise Paula Wagner Cameron Crowe written for the screen and directed by Kevin Lim and Chris Buck.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="apple-style-span"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="apple-style-span">Ok, so apparently there was a heap of shit I didn't know about Harry Potter! Like I had no idea that Billy Bob directed it as well as Harold Ramis, apparently! Or that it starred Matt Damon... (I think he plays Ron!?) Even more surprising was that it's set it in Texas! Weird huh!?! Not as weird as the random Wizard of Oz mention calling it a 'triumph', but then giving it an 'F'... Or maybe it's like 'Fuck it's time! A complete triumph!' Either way... They're WAY off!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisEhJdEfmaVc1SNNdLDjU7AE2rJgFo5RwtQJWm0Rih2hUxJDkn99BEvk1r9nq1xhRRovPuOFNwVn4YtSGGb71Ajc7jzcBf6R_Lz_QrTmbfQYaPAplmxt49r0sBNPwIcPITV8gZ-sq_qqJq/s1600/apes2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisEhJdEfmaVc1SNNdLDjU7AE2rJgFo5RwtQJWm0Rih2hUxJDkn99BEvk1r9nq1xhRRovPuOFNwVn4YtSGGb71Ajc7jzcBf6R_Lz_QrTmbfQYaPAplmxt49r0sBNPwIcPITV8gZ-sq_qqJq/s640/apes2.jpg" width="448" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">The Polish movie poster for the movie '<b>Escape from Planet of the Apes</b>'<br />
Hahaha! Now, I've never seen the movie but for some reason, now I really want to! But I have to wonder... What are they trying to escape from? They look like they're having a great fucking time!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiocYKNc82h2ZU02Gmtntl4QunvQ7HW2LSczFezCutcDKfhixtcv7SrghDiHjXUHQ7j8mkqNu4VU9mk3e_cX_8mudJI-hJfTUd1gc_4Ozb-4UcEXIyuwacS-1PP5KOBibnxTlXD4qTZmuGW/s1600/bernies111.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiocYKNc82h2ZU02Gmtntl4QunvQ7HW2LSczFezCutcDKfhixtcv7SrghDiHjXUHQ7j8mkqNu4VU9mk3e_cX_8mudJI-hJfTUd1gc_4Ozb-4UcEXIyuwacS-1PP5KOBibnxTlXD4qTZmuGW/s400/bernies111.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><b>Weekend at Bernie's</b><br />
On the left the movie poster/ cover I'm familiar with... On the right... The Polish version! Yeah! What the fuck is with these fucking Polish posters? It's just like 'Fuck seeing the movie! Don't show me pictures from the film and don't tell me a god damn thing about it! Just get me my LSD, my pen and some paper and I'll work the rest out on my own!"<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHSUBUb50q4Pgjtm9qozeZXbF04Doomcf2o968Dd8ifFJ4fgzwgzkX8HgqGtKIf7rqgasX8ep-iEuoe59g08Kz7qt9Erym8g2hQwqC49idER7tfKBnkZXyiNBWaUeNG-cxfcdk0FLchhmM/s1600/biiig.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHSUBUb50q4Pgjtm9qozeZXbF04Doomcf2o968Dd8ifFJ4fgzwgzkX8HgqGtKIf7rqgasX8ep-iEuoe59g08Kz7qt9Erym8g2hQwqC49idER7tfKBnkZXyiNBWaUeNG-cxfcdk0FLchhmM/s400/biiig.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Big</b><br />
On the left... The regular poster. On the right the Czech Republic version. What the fuck is going on here? Why couldn't they just change the wording on the original poster? Why does the dude have paint on his face and heart shaped sun glasses? Why why why??? NOTHING about this poster says ANYTHING about the movie! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguMU-KJaEpHUu9CKrx2FID7_EGt0wWplLULrOrkgic6b4sGAVW_QDvK9N1hg_Q-paOKdbkxmyd6p3xRDqtlPWIiA1qgfgLCKil5mQy75L_SDUTjfLqLYRMDopYVGxi97L6WeA3wbqPKppw/s1600/harrypothead.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguMU-KJaEpHUu9CKrx2FID7_EGt0wWplLULrOrkgic6b4sGAVW_QDvK9N1hg_Q-paOKdbkxmyd6p3xRDqtlPWIiA1qgfgLCKil5mQy75L_SDUTjfLqLYRMDopYVGxi97L6WeA3wbqPKppw/s400/harrypothead.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows</b><br />
On the left... Makes sense. You know it's a Harry Potter movie. There's a dark looking forest and a sense of urgency. Cool. I still have no desire to see any of the Harry Pot-head movies but I get the drift... On the right is the US version!?! Is this scene even from Harry Potter? If it is I'm sure it's not the entire gist of the film. Anyone going to see this movie JUST based on the poster is guna be majorly fucked off! I'd be like 'Who the fuck are these gits with wands and when does Hemorrhoid (Hermione) become a prostitute?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9YL7kdLtS2a0KRD-RTjUndX6k3BUUWsEHNf4pD8Nq0C0fYibpewMFU28bC9xaKnpSoZhsGz8KPbLAre1UI4WYhImPP9eou67VaYRrNeOjrGyJEBJgEsYgOIq7cX4FfjF9lSZRlARIryx8/s1600/icea.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9YL7kdLtS2a0KRD-RTjUndX6k3BUUWsEHNf4pD8Nq0C0fYibpewMFU28bC9xaKnpSoZhsGz8KPbLAre1UI4WYhImPP9eou67VaYRrNeOjrGyJEBJgEsYgOIq7cX4FfjF9lSZRlARIryx8/s400/icea.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Ice Age 3</b><br />
On the left the normal poster. On the left... The South Korean version. What is with Korean's and their incessant need to slut everything up with gadgets and shit? Nowhere in this movie do they time warp to the future, pick up a custom made rocket suit, some blue sunnies and haul ass back in time for tea! What the fuck is going on? If I was a little kid and I saw this poster before going in to see the movie I'd be highly fucking pissed when I didn't see that little squirrel dude kicking some woolly mammoth ass with his newly acquired robocop like ensemble! HIGHLY PISSED!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Hv_m1Wfwywuy-RQSCS61OsACaAcW67SQSs1wn_2A1eBAejXCLHoMJd_hMZERgBVZ47wo93-GdfjnWFI9DZjyagMJDCkaxLmTwtyEchBiuS-h1-xslKX1_yVLpBwyLRwgdq27qELJpNQ5/s1600/nevernever.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Hv_m1Wfwywuy-RQSCS61OsACaAcW67SQSs1wn_2A1eBAejXCLHoMJd_hMZERgBVZ47wo93-GdfjnWFI9DZjyagMJDCkaxLmTwtyEchBiuS-h1-xslKX1_yVLpBwyLRwgdq27qELJpNQ5/s400/nevernever.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><b>The Never Ending Story</b><br />
On the left... The version I'm familiar with.<br />
On the Right... Oh my fucking god! It's those crazy fucking Polish bitches again! What is going on here!? Granted, I haven't seen this movie in a while but I'm almost definite that I'd remember a weird little gay dude wearing clown make-up, a Victorian neck collar and a gigantic obnoxious pink hat while happily riding on a Triceratops! But maybe I missed that bit? I'm pretty sure this movie is German... And Poland is right next to Germany... So what happened? Was there some massive communication error? Did the fax get smudged and the Polish design department decided to wing it? Or was this Poland's revenge for being invaded by Germany? I'm thinking all of the above!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZuYWG8P7kVRERnVOT6R-Aj1TlAbtNKvv3thjlOaLDIR99fuupgolmx2L7jha3zqpi1dEcuNSKaEi4ptvfsXLyHOI84O-gP4zblqvSjohY_F66j1BRtu7Ce25S1fi0q3hU4yejQCDYuRz9/s1600/wollow.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZuYWG8P7kVRERnVOT6R-Aj1TlAbtNKvv3thjlOaLDIR99fuupgolmx2L7jha3zqpi1dEcuNSKaEi4ptvfsXLyHOI84O-gP4zblqvSjohY_F66j1BRtu7Ce25S1fi0q3hU4yejQCDYuRz9/s400/wollow.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Willow</b><br />
On the left... An understandable choice.<br />
On the right... The POLISH version (this is getting to be like a bad joke)! I never realised Willow was about an elderly Pinocchio making friends with either a leper or a deformed tree!?! But, hey! What do I know!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY22A6x95Qq-ipxZB8OJCbQ9lf3nwCq15Nk2brXuaVmNsKey4DUScaABLkUMQlNr86XcSUvFlunVL99dD2hyVvVgsdd-iLLuV_99VHlAkeAsM_QpJOJUQ6M2vSVHlpNbxOEOETUxiUdRUC/s1600/nightmare_on_elm_street_ver3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY22A6x95Qq-ipxZB8OJCbQ9lf3nwCq15Nk2brXuaVmNsKey4DUScaABLkUMQlNr86XcSUvFlunVL99dD2hyVvVgsdd-iLLuV_99VHlAkeAsM_QpJOJUQ6M2vSVHlpNbxOEOETUxiUdRUC/s400/nightmare_on_elm_street_ver3.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>A Nightmare on Elm Street </b><br />
A VERY cool movie poster that gives some clue to the story line... Then there's the Japanese version...</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8CWeiH4foCjPZqQ0wc1Rw-zn7ePXS4n0HGJ2UxtkRPY6YaO7hqB3QLysCJWpnpLvoaNmqJB91W4ZDRV8FA_th02UWxKLXQLEJmXHvtlxgz77yOzR8UKqVIlsR22IHE_sO1zoKUUdF_-AX/s1600/23778.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8CWeiH4foCjPZqQ0wc1Rw-zn7ePXS4n0HGJ2UxtkRPY6YaO7hqB3QLysCJWpnpLvoaNmqJB91W4ZDRV8FA_th02UWxKLXQLEJmXHvtlxgz77yOzR8UKqVIlsR22IHE_sO1zoKUUdF_-AX/s640/23778.jpg" width="449" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I think the artist took his work home and let his 4 year old cut and paste some random shit together! CRAPPY JAPPY!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZd5qkGlqfpFh6GL85M7dEvGEofOvnGCRV0FZlZgej1D5WJQIzyIDx7ZZhXZToBeldt1sio-PPmf0UYgg9ApZ2Klxvh7B0YunnDUGkrjOgTHCChS_Z6avczPXywqeenQi1dahCQhLNTSJS/s1600/starwarsblog.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZd5qkGlqfpFh6GL85M7dEvGEofOvnGCRV0FZlZgej1D5WJQIzyIDx7ZZhXZToBeldt1sio-PPmf0UYgg9ApZ2Klxvh7B0YunnDUGkrjOgTHCChS_Z6avczPXywqeenQi1dahCQhLNTSJS/s400/starwarsblog.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Star Wars</b><br />
This is my absolute favourite side by side comparison!<br />
On the left is the more conventional poster. On the right is the Russian version.<br />
Quite obviously when the artist had Darth Vadar described to him all he heard was "Blar blar blar SEXY DISCO PUMA!!!"<br />
Again... Why not just change the poster on the left? Or at least reference to it! The Russians must have been like... So when's space cat coming into the movie? There is no space cat? But the poster? The poster lied? But why? Why would they tease me with empty promises of awesome humanoid disco puma's!?! WHY!? For the love of god WHHHHHY!?!<br />
THAT kind of shit changes people. You lose a part of yourself! Ahahahaha! Yeah!?!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Well kiddies, once again our time together has come to an end!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope you enjoyed wondering what the fuck as much as I did!!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-14186978043711113852011-06-10T22:54:00.000+08:002013-09-16T17:14:20.093+08:00I need 500cc's of Liquid Ass STAT!!!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcatBOKt6uEPHNPWpM7bcAxCKRm5BzBd0m0M_2UOxDmYSTo15rzbPSi399gwwUDzVJ-wroGxeTQHfHglu69k7IxQqqnoa2bVhqbcnsCAvWXOJ34HLFImciwlC8S26jiOpNRPgCoAHS3nhJ/s1600/unchecked-rage-at-son-with-aspergers-syndrome-21295097.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcatBOKt6uEPHNPWpM7bcAxCKRm5BzBd0m0M_2UOxDmYSTo15rzbPSi399gwwUDzVJ-wroGxeTQHfHglu69k7IxQqqnoa2bVhqbcnsCAvWXOJ34HLFImciwlC8S26jiOpNRPgCoAHS3nhJ/s320/unchecked-rage-at-son-with-aspergers-syndrome-21295097.jpg" width="274" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Donate! My pretties! Eeehehehehehe!!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgep58QUKImZl9plOXTQ76AH2Uwga34LpCuuYcgT0ywuoSZE0VB4OdrfXM8rp0ZmzaacHAxZ-bwEEhxxUJTDa1wfZHWvp4ihDcHcmf_-kuVY0f090CsUy5xQXnZ95DXn2LydQ93es6DZqU/s1600/Purple_arrow_shape.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgep58QUKImZl9plOXTQ76AH2Uwga34LpCuuYcgT0ywuoSZE0VB4OdrfXM8rp0ZmzaacHAxZ-bwEEhxxUJTDa1wfZHWvp4ihDcHcmf_-kuVY0f090CsUy5xQXnZ95DXn2LydQ93es6DZqU/s200/Purple_arrow_shape.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes! That cute little button on the right!!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi32fD-Hzw-e125oDDSlcINBUY_YWaDJdqmFY3sOZ-R4j-zjPUzxJmF7JyvdE_ItlWAYTEj2mOoKRx13NytNMke-7Svt7s-oHLse_wpTolMJZSmr8D3-6au3lENBNpqcdbit8TMNqtTJ6Hd/s1600/1212799431_Rage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi32fD-Hzw-e125oDDSlcINBUY_YWaDJdqmFY3sOZ-R4j-zjPUzxJmF7JyvdE_ItlWAYTEj2mOoKRx13NytNMke-7Svt7s-oHLse_wpTolMJZSmr8D3-6au3lENBNpqcdbit8TMNqtTJ6Hd/s320/1212799431_Rage.jpg" width="266" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Recently, and I mean in the last 3 days I've had people come to me either seeking advice on how to fuck with someone (as in for revenge not for sex tips? - although I do get a lot of those sort of questions too) or I've been made of aware of certain facts that have lead me to ponder... How am I guna get this cunt! I'm not a bitter person. In fact, in my life I have forgiven people who, in all honesty didn't fucking deserve the words 'you're forgiven' let alone the act of me actually forgiving them... So when it turns out that they weren't really sorry and they've fucked me over... Yet again, an </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">example has to be made of them as well a BOLD point of <b>DON'T FUCK WITH ME, MOLE!!!</b> The universe wants it that way... Trust me I spoke to the universe and me and ... It? Are all good! Don't judge me... I'm guna blame it on having no mother. Which reminds me! I owe that cunt a bit of 'what for' too! Hahaha. Joking. My beef isn't with her... It's with... Well, everyone else. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now usually I'm full of spiteful fucked up ideas but, lately I dunno if it's old age or maybe even (god forbid) maturity kicking in but I'm seriously fucking lacking my evil spark...</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgsshKkGmFwgg4EV8WqNFCT1UuI_YYcLS1JxSMviXTxyz6kL2ZcfaDEziRsSOHLxBnHTOqO3MYNbHsann-Pj5xuj4IZUCDhjwMg_aHT0w-8WmIWHzqXQG0FMVtcIpLzYjdjGH8gQrraKPE/s1600/128805617252496166.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgsshKkGmFwgg4EV8WqNFCT1UuI_YYcLS1JxSMviXTxyz6kL2ZcfaDEziRsSOHLxBnHTOqO3MYNbHsann-Pj5xuj4IZUCDhjwMg_aHT0w-8WmIWHzqXQG0FMVtcIpLzYjdjGH8gQrraKPE/s400/128805617252496166.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijIv4PR9vJO6Ook4EpqQbAxzmyEGcsxPr7R3lXGH0V56XHoh9EdF97sDcyLA37BdlSXIvPbL9KUvBknhcoad3vaWOd8C5jzyLPaBkcopVTQkYN734R6qrPSizlb_lhcalRP8QJNiks2PYw/s1600/strange_and_funny_couples_06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijIv4PR9vJO6Ook4EpqQbAxzmyEGcsxPr7R3lXGH0V56XHoh9EdF97sDcyLA37BdlSXIvPbL9KUvBknhcoad3vaWOd8C5jzyLPaBkcopVTQkYN734R6qrPSizlb_lhcalRP8QJNiks2PYw/s200/strange_and_funny_couples_06.jpg" width="193" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first 2 morons... Shit where do I start... He's a fucking delusional cock eyed doofus and she's a butt slut who is a sponge that mooches off everyone around her until she's tapped out every excuse and resource then she moves onto her next victim (anymore detail than that and I will be here on a decade long rant!)... </span></div><div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkzQgvezc-xKNJB81pYWjSTEQkdi-nE6g1FS7_GZf5h92_h7VU3t8Z19DQwBZWFTNYTY8A8Qb5L49H1jZ8155UaKcJwlGxXqJx5y9fdFvGGWO9IZgfeOUsQtGrhEr7L5ESsuGxvthPnsGT/s1600/strange_and_funny_couples_03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkzQgvezc-xKNJB81pYWjSTEQkdi-nE6g1FS7_GZf5h92_h7VU3t8Z19DQwBZWFTNYTY8A8Qb5L49H1jZ8155UaKcJwlGxXqJx5y9fdFvGGWO9IZgfeOUsQtGrhEr7L5ESsuGxvthPnsGT/s320/strange_and_funny_couples_03.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">THESE are the kind of morons I'm dealing with!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have personal issues with both of these fuck heads. Both posed as my friends and were, in reality, anything but. Now these 2 were together, then they separated (for years) and now they're back together. How does this effect me? Well it's hard to explain without going through years worth of bullshit & history painfully endured on my part. But these 2 dick heads really aren't worthy of any kind of happiness... Especially considering the HOURS of free therapy they both got out of me, pissing and moaning about each other! It's just so fucking irritating!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioRv4afSJZUhq-gvJ5E68vEBAhNCkdw9AEGDrLrUUWG0GMDCZEPLKsPvX3fRvVp9aS9FBtwJXzZpemEJL8L3b5DAXCyULgI7UB2CX7DR3SKasPiaIEdVKruGqeLcwWo3flqty2BZQOqv0W/s1600/AngelDevil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioRv4afSJZUhq-gvJ5E68vEBAhNCkdw9AEGDrLrUUWG0GMDCZEPLKsPvX3fRvVp9aS9FBtwJXzZpemEJL8L3b5DAXCyULgI7UB2CX7DR3SKasPiaIEdVKruGqeLcwWo3flqty2BZQOqv0W/s320/AngelDevil.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now this is a real angel/ devil on my shoulders situation for me. Because I've got Ghetto Jenna just wanting to rip that fat little fucking moles fucked up pasty face right the off and destroy every ounce of her pathetic being, while of course dancing around her burning fat little ass and laughing 'you don't deserve to be happy ya feral cunt!' But then I've got angel Jenna (ok, that's a stretch... Maybe... Less evil Jenna?) just sitting there... Smoking a bong like 'hey dude, the universe has your back! You're a righteous mother fucker and you need not lift a finger!' In other words let them be... It wont last. If they had issues 4 years ago when they broke up I highly doubt after 4 years worth of <i>history</i> (including drugs, cock, anal sex with randoms {that's her... and maybe him?} her being committed to a psych ward- twice, both of them getting fired from numerous jobs, having to live with mummy and daddy not to mention criminal charges being laid in relation to drug manufacturing...) that shits guna work out better this time. I really just feel like this will end badly and as much as I'd love to be the reason for it or the driving force behind it... It'll happen with or without me...<br />
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</span></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6YHur6GP64M8SX3aJjvVkDcGcUjEgRPCWIFM3UYbMYSA4sXumHNfgU2iTlZAXQhgtUMQ4pYSctuI5b7RaiWDjH9q3w8wLOsMci0EI0Ce-c22bVCRVh9auabE4HGIKFgZH7lBSdD6zPcXD/s1600/rage_against_the_sandcastles-550x353.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6YHur6GP64M8SX3aJjvVkDcGcUjEgRPCWIFM3UYbMYSA4sXumHNfgU2iTlZAXQhgtUMQ4pYSctuI5b7RaiWDjH9q3w8wLOsMci0EI0Ce-c22bVCRVh9auabE4HGIKFgZH7lBSdD6zPcXD/s320/rage_against_the_sandcastles-550x353.jpg" width="320" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now the next fucker, I don't actually know him personally. But lets just say my girlfriend 'Meg' has an ex who is... Well, putting it nicely, Lord of the cunt fly's</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">! And like a big blue ass fly he has little maggots we'll call minions... So I came up with a few random generic revenge ideas before once again hitting a brick wall (not due to lack of enthusiasm but more so due to lack of vital personal information on lord cunt fly that would nudge me in a more fruitful direction) so I decided, I'd turn to ye old faithful... Google! So I typed in revenge...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There's some sites I knew of like <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0e774a; line-height: 15px;"><a href="http://www.revengelady.com/">www.revengelady.com</a></span> and <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0e774a; line-height: 15px;"><a href="http://www.revengeguy.com/">www.revengeguy.com</a></span> Although they're mostly for shits and giggles. These sites are like mild giggle therapy mixed with some lame 'I could do that!' kind of ideas! <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1160962695">www.</a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1160962695">thepayback</a><a href="http://.com/">.com</a> caught my eye with some revenge products for sale with catchy names like 'liquid ass' and 'r/c fart machine'... Which are hilarious but really only useful </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for high school pranks... We need a little more than 'did you do fluffy? You naughty boy!' in this situation... Then there's other shit like anonymous emails or letters these websites will send on your behalf... Which really, I could do myself. But these sites do have stories of revenge which can get your vengeful juices flowing... Which is maybe how they get this 'Liquid Ass' they're selling!? But the best and definitely most appropriate site I found was <a href="http://www.getrevengeonyourex.com/">www.getrevengeonyourex.com </a></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgSu49Zd3JkcA-TfhQHJnoHF1kwUSoLrix6FW9h0m0ivx1hxp9Jl9T50FY9MXORKdYcaePkErZ7tXH4RojWRiGzzFYBjVohV9eEe61zFjjyylCSietYztmZc9iLb6y5OJRq0c4kgYYdwfQ/s1600/liquidass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgSu49Zd3JkcA-TfhQHJnoHF1kwUSoLrix6FW9h0m0ivx1hxp9Jl9T50FY9MXORKdYcaePkErZ7tXH4RojWRiGzzFYBjVohV9eEe61zFjjyylCSietYztmZc9iLb6y5OJRq0c4kgYYdwfQ/s320/liquidass.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Liquid Ass!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-wMTTMFRsaVfbtyxGpkQLIu45qFQrhAwWlr1DnEk1rPr-r8nJL6BFqqhCAfeHG4mr6P-SmcG_z1TAtw9Ov6JOM3bNT86XRtyj8xJVfKi0GipK-nISfFNunI5jCaNdawulkdl1-FUelMnR/s1600/voodoo_1000x625.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-wMTTMFRsaVfbtyxGpkQLIu45qFQrhAwWlr1DnEk1rPr-r8nJL6BFqqhCAfeHG4mr6P-SmcG_z1TAtw9Ov6JOM3bNT86XRtyj8xJVfKi0GipK-nISfFNunI5jCaNdawulkdl1-FUelMnR/s320/voodoo_1000x625.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stab him in the DICK!!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The site was started by a dude whose wife cheated on him... So it's horrible, nasty, empathetic and most of all useful! They also boast that 'Everything we do for you is anonymous, untraceable and 100% legal.' which is nice?!? They offer such services as anonymous faxes, emails and texts saying... Whatever you like- these are timed so you can have an alibi, a web page <i>dedicated</i> to your ex, gifts- including gift wrapped dog 'shit', a 'used' condom, soiled undies and my personal favourite a small container of piss with a card attached saying 'no one here would piss on you if you were on fire so you might want to keep this handy!' They also have voodoo dolls if you're into the outlandish supernatural approach. You can become a member for free which gives you access to their revenge forum where you can exchange stories and get ideas from other members. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My only suggestion is skip the middle man and the fake dog shit. Crap in a gift box yourself... It's called therapy... Spaghetti blog styles! </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-FQmagKogmMpl5YEuz1JP1x1ST_nh9i9s9i9MzEfcgOcbDyNrblcLK3cR7JZ6IRQTGnfuA049iwfZzLfV_Hc-PIVDRc4K_-kEOiSqk30GOsqPm9XHUIGIWQcH_Vmm8UqCzqr46La3A41s/s1600/ugly-witch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-FQmagKogmMpl5YEuz1JP1x1ST_nh9i9s9i9MzEfcgOcbDyNrblcLK3cR7JZ6IRQTGnfuA049iwfZzLfV_Hc-PIVDRc4K_-kEOiSqk30GOsqPm9XHUIGIWQcH_Vmm8UqCzqr46La3A41s/s320/ugly-witch.jpg" width="248" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The home leg of my journey was inspired by the whole voodoo doll idea from above. There are spells available on eBay. There's ones like 'win back your true love', 'win money', 'find love' etc etc but then there's some rippers like 'drive them insane' which has a picture of a mental patient?!?, 'break them up' couple splitting spells and 'revenge' spells... I was actually surprised when I first stumbled across these because I thought it was a bit whacked out and had the potential to attract nutters and just put unnecessary and unwarranted </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">negative </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">energy out into the universe (sorry, that's the </span>hippy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in me talking). However these 'witches' offer personalized spells, which I'm sure can entail some sort of nasty voodoo incantation for anal warts or permanent erectile dysfunction... If the situation calls for it! Awww sad penis!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I like the idea of spells and voodoo dolls because it gives you some personal satisfaction that you're sticking it to the other person and that you're not helpless... (which most times you are!) It's really therapeutic and the best revenge, really is moving on... In some cases however moving on can't be achieved until the little fucker causing you grief has suffered and is too terrified to continue their bullshit. In those cases I recommend sitting down and having a good think. What do you know about them? Knowledge is power and the more you know the easier it is to fuck someone over. Do they own a business? Call the tax man... Anonymously and repeatedly. Do they worry about what others think? Send out flyer's telling people 'beware of this shit stain!' Report their car stolen. Pour paint thinner on their car. You get my drift?!?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time... Happy plotting!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts, Love Jen xoxo</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com1Perth WA, Australia-31.9522222 115.85888890000001-32.5864622 115.3763114 -31.317982200000003 116.34146640000002tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-17700774199139627042011-06-07T23:24:00.000+08:002011-06-07T23:24:16.461+08:00Dildos! The Re-Entry!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIKIBaQ29ZMDcO5odoWp1la5fI0AitYwVrFygGT7UwYN_UpJEBUC_qLLdKiLwDnFuorPrIO-PgMXP8H55eoGldF7uBEtKr81AYx6py9Jq7E_GFVs7taaixwC6YDYrnpqiPR_vKhBFq7LY0/s1600/Purple_arrow_shape.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIKIBaQ29ZMDcO5odoWp1la5fI0AitYwVrFygGT7UwYN_UpJEBUC_qLLdKiLwDnFuorPrIO-PgMXP8H55eoGldF7uBEtKr81AYx6py9Jq7E_GFVs7taaixwC6YDYrnpqiPR_vKhBFq7LY0/s1600/Purple_arrow_shape.png" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Greetings fuckers!!! I'm not dead! I have borrowed a mates laptop... Thanks Rhi Rhi!!! You may have noticed a cute little donate button over there </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to your right...Yes THAT one! I didn't just put it there for my health... So be a darling, click it and donate 1 or 2 dollars to go towards my new laptop! Please *bats eyes* Coz I can't keep using this laptop forever! A) It's a loner and B) It's got keys missing! Which kind of makes me feel like I'm borrowing my mates dildo... It'll get the job done, but I still feel weird about using it!!! Hahaha... We've all been in that situation!</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Talking about dildos... Check out these winners! So I looked up funny dildo pics and I ended up finding an x-ray film of one crazy bitch who got a little over zealous and just shoved the whole god damn thing up there... Like right fucking UP THERE!!! That lead onto other weird x-ray pics! Then I just got a bit buck wild and went cock mad.... Mmmwaaahahaha! *sings* Cock and balls cock and balls... Oooo so shiny! Hahaha!</span></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDhpidNk1G7dojpbtf3eabkXvHEN-Y7zdd_AJ8v-SvLolTUTPth4anwfJ8VCrqtUIBPpTf2nUVYUGKGGI3KDCUfkl_XzQY-fMTIetQnpfOWsqNujgdDjuYhEg86qpnrMrNYhlOcg8_wvy4/s1600/_37121_dildo-art-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDhpidNk1G7dojpbtf3eabkXvHEN-Y7zdd_AJ8v-SvLolTUTPth4anwfJ8VCrqtUIBPpTf2nUVYUGKGGI3KDCUfkl_XzQY-fMTIetQnpfOWsqNujgdDjuYhEg86qpnrMrNYhlOcg8_wvy4/s1600/_37121_dildo-art-1.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why she look so sad? :(<br />
Poor, Ma... I think she likes the vag!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5eamb7GM8uajC3vT4nU_95X3p0FDjM3hIXeJB69oq_l_VhBHLHVNV8gCZQosYRjkAl28NDSlhlyUlsP0351sokwJmct1qf2jANFxjDyDxYcQNlFJ3ksiXT_rViHZmh-dc_pVBgce6IRfS/s1600/nice-one-santa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5eamb7GM8uajC3vT4nU_95X3p0FDjM3hIXeJB69oq_l_VhBHLHVNV8gCZQosYRjkAl28NDSlhlyUlsP0351sokwJmct1qf2jANFxjDyDxYcQNlFJ3ksiXT_rViHZmh-dc_pVBgce6IRfS/s1600/nice-one-santa.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's cute and disturbing... Like me!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkin7jHzY_IGzEcJpTSiN3VtRsy5VhOnYGvDXn4jGujldxCGxs_R79GZfo3mtxQzOLWSavucJ6W9gFKNBl7hj_p7XNXnJ3o0-wunwlZ3sTa89unPhqX0nnu0EhgKwp6jm6Jub4KpLMD_K0/s1600/dildo001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkin7jHzY_IGzEcJpTSiN3VtRsy5VhOnYGvDXn4jGujldxCGxs_R79GZfo3mtxQzOLWSavucJ6W9gFKNBl7hj_p7XNXnJ3o0-wunwlZ3sTa89unPhqX0nnu0EhgKwp6jm6Jub4KpLMD_K0/s400/dildo001.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">YES! It's Barack Obama!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5MP8uoZLU18IRvBcIBz3-YtVrG2RLvFuUQIzqG70A4vaMIOaOh-GwrA24feswmraEZW27U1O-vzjhzRq8P8TZ-algi4XngSYEzbwH0s5VZQ7TC3M6cvFja4nd5AV7deq7Aa8a4Y-nL-fv/s1600/blow-job.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5MP8uoZLU18IRvBcIBz3-YtVrG2RLvFuUQIzqG70A4vaMIOaOh-GwrA24feswmraEZW27U1O-vzjhzRq8P8TZ-algi4XngSYEzbwH0s5VZQ7TC3M6cvFja4nd5AV7deq7Aa8a4Y-nL-fv/s1600/blow-job.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She's not cupping the balls!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIlueSX2Waplg1juLXXleQVl2QxbZBDTwj1vV8HpIAvuSSlx9Ax387EVhtXXa9hGMhvzAjjTm6-Oy2ef3WKuyd0HBD_A0BC_qlwCQJQXBFEPXUOm-c1TR678Zrj6k0R47E3_DnBSwaE7P0/s1600/chew-toy-fail-dog-dildo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIlueSX2Waplg1juLXXleQVl2QxbZBDTwj1vV8HpIAvuSSlx9Ax387EVhtXXa9hGMhvzAjjTm6-Oy2ef3WKuyd0HBD_A0BC_qlwCQJQXBFEPXUOm-c1TR678Zrj6k0R47E3_DnBSwaE7P0/s1600/chew-toy-fail-dog-dildo.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is exactly how I lost my <a href="http://www.benwaballs.net/">Ben Wa balls!</a></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj2H1Sxnz-BE9iVAdjgrJo9HlsLv3fw8KlZ_FAlPQixA0QOFfi_VXR9fsK7P6RrN2bdXXjDVFLpvbhyphenhyphenQo9S6cOA7B59eBXMpAGMAMyx4iRTIOlpno1F8b7ZHQlBEW6Is7VgWLTeIV7JdLU/s1600/wie_dildo_mouth-363x199.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj2H1Sxnz-BE9iVAdjgrJo9HlsLv3fw8KlZ_FAlPQixA0QOFfi_VXR9fsK7P6RrN2bdXXjDVFLpvbhyphenhyphenQo9S6cOA7B59eBXMpAGMAMyx4iRTIOlpno1F8b7ZHQlBEW6Is7VgWLTeIV7JdLU/s1600/wie_dildo_mouth-363x199.png" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This so boring! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2FlrV-PyOov8IB9xMK5KAXqcGXeMYN-XL09U78xJJ0L9lC7aCLgIJD9HwG2OufJGHrpj4HkgWHuVIHvtZs3sx82Ad7-4zW2jhOlrxt7jhbNbPvOwcr0ZcesWREIzCsIuHE9MBox4MAGh/s1600/dildo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje2FlrV-PyOov8IB9xMK5KAXqcGXeMYN-XL09U78xJJ0L9lC7aCLgIJD9HwG2OufJGHrpj4HkgWHuVIHvtZs3sx82Ad7-4zW2jhOlrxt7jhbNbPvOwcr0ZcesWREIzCsIuHE9MBox4MAGh/s1600/dildo.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's happened to the best of us... AND to the worst of us!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQ5MuiID4I4JEsXEB7TDMGDxlNJs3f4732wvvQ7qD9iAiZGX49P8raIJgxUBLWFpr06433uIQlAek4I0V7mKX_NgtRsJA0-BhPqUApqUXZqiJhp5Fg6Xc_fvLWv8mPyQMnQ94bsT4iAzl/s1600/a330_x11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQ5MuiID4I4JEsXEB7TDMGDxlNJs3f4732wvvQ7qD9iAiZGX49P8raIJgxUBLWFpr06433uIQlAek4I0V7mKX_NgtRsJA0-BhPqUApqUXZqiJhp5Fg6Xc_fvLWv8mPyQMnQ94bsT4iAzl/s320/a330_x11.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm always losing my god damn phone!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTjGybcweJtL5UVBslh2g5f2tZenDDb4HbAH4bi0Do1age8gkNlKCKsIyZ2F1mzQMhxMOBYHQoEqZx8HmUVUrEKierXMSHNjwjEXM64-l4V3sUXMPJ5NbD63NQ3p-2xYBAx7SdxWvTyRrj/s1600/shot_glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTjGybcweJtL5UVBslh2g5f2tZenDDb4HbAH4bi0Do1age8gkNlKCKsIyZ2F1mzQMhxMOBYHQoEqZx8HmUVUrEKierXMSHNjwjEXM64-l4V3sUXMPJ5NbD63NQ3p-2xYBAx7SdxWvTyRrj/s1600/shot_glass.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So she said "drink this shot or I'll stick it in your ass!"<br />
2 and a half hours later and here I am!!! I need new friends!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjgO6axVAIJM16joIQvN2HdSd__ASWnAoJ6TbmsdWfcG_i1UHtNswOF56291JPlgxrnBrw3gXEeFrALw1B56XQahyFvpx6Iact0_smHyXy_whBleO25LtBN7gOB9wyEKTdMMeJwhInikGP/s1600/dw101w.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjgO6axVAIJM16joIQvN2HdSd__ASWnAoJ6TbmsdWfcG_i1UHtNswOF56291JPlgxrnBrw3gXEeFrALw1B56XQahyFvpx6Iact0_smHyXy_whBleO25LtBN7gOB9wyEKTdMMeJwhInikGP/s320/dw101w.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's nice but do you have anything a little... Bigger? Hahaha!<br />
I showed this to Todd and he was like "WTF are you looking up? You're like yay we've got the internet back! Let's look up dick"... I laughed... Coz he doesn't know I just ordered one of these for him... in BLACK!!! Aaaahahaha!<br />
Is it just me or does it look like a butternut pumpkin?<br />
<br />
</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfdu20fQYs1lZeD_S6elRzvmV72agPCOnex4jv260eAhdGm33I8phLVeW345nsq3zWgBopPhSVC_O1n-OW688PNrRNZfoioTCnQZ_p7rlCysyy_-64uNP3MOURo54J2V8D-DcTCL_H7PPw/s1600/ab533-harness-3-penile-straps-front-model.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfdu20fQYs1lZeD_S6elRzvmV72agPCOnex4jv260eAhdGm33I8phLVeW345nsq3zWgBopPhSVC_O1n-OW688PNrRNZfoioTCnQZ_p7rlCysyy_-64uNP3MOURo54J2V8D-DcTCL_H7PPw/s320/ab533-harness-3-penile-straps-front-model.jpg" width="212" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't get it!?! Why bother getting hard?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyySxAX-xFzBt93li05sMWWG6wHmkouX3HmoqIlRseGimxFC2pX5C6pq-uvJ1996vhXpFePKiybV90T4D4B2FMxMZwfI_Gn4IMG0TGgkOTN4FZym_bd0Pu5bxiUY85ofpFeoxPfiWd_Eat/s1600/ab312-rascal-toys-double-fister-dong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyySxAX-xFzBt93li05sMWWG6wHmkouX3HmoqIlRseGimxFC2pX5C6pq-uvJ1996vhXpFePKiybV90T4D4B2FMxMZwfI_Gn4IMG0TGgkOTN4FZym_bd0Pu5bxiUY85ofpFeoxPfiWd_Eat/s400/ab312-rascal-toys-double-fister-dong.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Aaaahahaha!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aMJLCS6QcICbxiEIRWlUrIY5hDvp-Ph_rimB4OhTzxPg_Jo5TISp5fyRzMhroaGzu3JFOnsICmnQe1bsIqHb-3l6UY7RwuJeRguKD2uxH2Q7oDNjbJzJmudxlU4B55w-gZMWOnyURDlD/s1600/st179_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aMJLCS6QcICbxiEIRWlUrIY5hDvp-Ph_rimB4OhTzxPg_Jo5TISp5fyRzMhroaGzu3JFOnsICmnQe1bsIqHb-3l6UY7RwuJeRguKD2uxH2Q7oDNjbJzJmudxlU4B55w-gZMWOnyURDlD/s320/st179_1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nipple clamps- Fucking extreme much? Hoo-har hoo-har!! Woof woof!!!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwXfV8UQC3SGZZWmMC6laIlTl76HI5ZZ4x-AU2QQh7THG_DCXabqfwkCc8WwWGdbHydVY9tFmcxgFk_jyM9Meu6DXhmRYX_FsQtax0l2fik-TFErVcGY7qIOXCULRWCfJy8r25uLPWWH3m/s1600/PD430123.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwXfV8UQC3SGZZWmMC6laIlTl76HI5ZZ4x-AU2QQh7THG_DCXabqfwkCc8WwWGdbHydVY9tFmcxgFk_jyM9Meu6DXhmRYX_FsQtax0l2fik-TFErVcGY7qIOXCULRWCfJy8r25uLPWWH3m/s400/PD430123.jpg" width="133" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ahaha! FIST OF FURY!!! RAAARRR! <br />
I want this next to my front door just incase any <i>cunt</i> decides to break in! Ahahaha!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi92nCq2dSaHElY4SEslb4thRgumZkgNtOqfVYUHfpdGifFA_r6twVGL1CWWCe3Qjt-idQ3Ye-EU3tNCJA9IUI6totkyTxJjkkWoA5ljOD3g69AXpuxHXSP0yWTUX2uI_vrvVw7nMi_iFiR/s1600/knife_in_heas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="373" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi92nCq2dSaHElY4SEslb4thRgumZkgNtOqfVYUHfpdGifFA_r6twVGL1CWWCe3Qjt-idQ3Ye-EU3tNCJA9IUI6totkyTxJjkkWoA5ljOD3g69AXpuxHXSP0yWTUX2uI_vrvVw7nMi_iFiR/s400/knife_in_heas.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">^^^ How you might feel after reading my blog! ^^^<br />
<br />
</span><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So there you have it, my little shit faces!!!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time... Get a big stiff one up ya! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love your guts! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, Jen xoxox</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: right;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-66398261366667410952011-05-27T15:28:00.001+08:002011-06-05T19:42:46.987+08:00The Day My Blog Died!I am writing this on my mobile... *Very sad face* <br />
My laptops' hard drive has died... I had nothing backed up (D'oh!) and I have no money to get it fixed or to buy a new one! *Epically sad face* I was going to attach a Paypal widget to my blog to see if I could get donations from random cashed up strangers but I can't do it via my mobile! The world is against me!!! Anyway... Other than having a massive piss and moan, I'm just wanting to let you know... I'm not dead and no one has kid-napped me trying to shut me up... I'll just be M.I.A until I can work something out with my computer, or lack there-of!<br />
<br />
Missing you all heaps!<br />
<br />
Until next time.... (Whenever that may be!)<br />
<br />
Love ya guts... Love, Jen xoxoJenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-26786278259879626432011-05-20T00:53:00.000+08:002011-05-20T00:53:36.100+08:00Nice underwear! Now drop 'em and bark like a chicken!<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok, so it's come to light that my thought processes are a little... Eeerrr erratic... But, I do have ADHD (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><b>Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)</b></span> and I'm naturally unhinged, not to mention being genetically pre-dispositioned to occasionally thinking I'm a chicken.. BERGUUUUUURK... Anyway so as you can image I hop from from vacuum cleaning to penis pasta in a few short milliseconds! I often get asked how the fuck I end up at whatever fucked up conclusion I end up ending up at... What? Hahaha... Hmmmm... *Weird silence* Anyway... I made a mind map! </span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Unfortunately when I've gone to put it on my blog it's too fucking small to read but, FEAR NOT! I'll walk you through it! I was watching TV and an ad for American Idol came on. Jennifer Lopez was 'performing' and something, quite literally jumped out of the screen and slapped my pretty little face! She had some serious MC Hammer, circa 1990-1992, crotch drape going on! It honestly looked like she was smuggling a small child in there! Then I remembered she's married to that Hispanic rat looking mother fucker, Mark Anthony and I concluded that he was about the same size of a small child and it was most likely him bunking in her squirrel covers! </span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This whole traumatic experience started a chain reaction of electrical reactions in my squishy area.... GREY SQUISHY!!! Not pink squishy... Wait! What? Ok rewind! Electrical reaction in my brain... I looked at J. Lo's pants and thought "is she trying to revive the whole 90's, happy pants, yes my penis is that big I require the extra room, MC Hammer up in ya ho spanner" trend? Then I thought about good old MC Hammer (Hahaha McHammer) and I wondered what the fuck he was thinking when he put that shit on and was like "fuck yeah, I dig it!" This made me think about bad fashion in general, which then (naturally) lead to funny undies, funny undies lead to tits (of course), which lead to people getting arrested with their tits out. This then turned into mugshots. Mugshots equaled bad hair... So there! Hurts ya head doesn't it? And to think that THAT was the simplified version!</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYHPrWcWvBACAyAJizttY7Cwq0nE574OHYQRAPtdwBQ_vRek4hEMXIFiNz6iSxPQD-mYUp2V0Q6-kFAmX16SBp8lrOquo2VYHRGvYU7v2xLmqUhchcHh5XjlYj09Svr3xvuSyjLFl3Myfh/s1600/jenbear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYHPrWcWvBACAyAJizttY7Cwq0nE574OHYQRAPtdwBQ_vRek4hEMXIFiNz6iSxPQD-mYUp2V0Q6-kFAmX16SBp8lrOquo2VYHRGvYU7v2xLmqUhchcHh5XjlYj09Svr3xvuSyjLFl3Myfh/s400/jenbear.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My brain> Me watching TV and seeing J Lo's gruesome gaping groin> MC Hammer> Bad fashion> Funny underwear> Tits> Mug shots> Bad hair = My blog!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj865Ep-Li6fQqg-WHcqopm2-nK41Yas_5tqSMq9wikC2L7Fym983MvLMTb-3c-nKu4q2Gm9gUZyjVKucXuBcmOr-0PuphuA7e0N9YhOxHow8ZGSvnJQJhMdmA48CTUXqKs8LRGK5hpxfge/s1600/jlomc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj865Ep-Li6fQqg-WHcqopm2-nK41Yas_5tqSMq9wikC2L7Fym983MvLMTb-3c-nKu4q2Gm9gUZyjVKucXuBcmOr-0PuphuA7e0N9YhOxHow8ZGSvnJQJhMdmA48CTUXqKs8LRGK5hpxfge/s400/jlomc.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Call them whatever you want... She looks like she's done a huge dump in her shiny diaper!<br />
Looking at this picture of MC Hammer, I'm glad he went broke... For his own safety and for ours!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhpIT4NZo4csYTz4_9icVUw5AEXE7YkakhcF8p7uWyKaEE6q7WVBOiwebw5DzfvyKQBsCPxW4Z9Mv98GSX6o0SanrwxWGyc85VEy2qzb4KJKvL3iaE7xHgBy2amrRYgg6h-9tpTqkos62P/s1600/aaaa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhpIT4NZo4csYTz4_9icVUw5AEXE7YkakhcF8p7uWyKaEE6q7WVBOiwebw5DzfvyKQBsCPxW4Z9Mv98GSX6o0SanrwxWGyc85VEy2qzb4KJKvL3iaE7xHgBy2amrRYgg6h-9tpTqkos62P/s320/aaaa.jpg" width="198" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hahahaha! Nunnery Couture- The Paedophile's Collection!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD_jqWBIeCc8RXlNdIRC1LAICJsYxR8mfsgHdWlNLrQcQkpL3s5GGX2hyphenhyphenEsTZdrC-2-zWFtCaTzy1opqpUUFw56hLMvjb2CWo93PuWYPWUyAt0YxTqDdbfxIVqC5zZugLDzbzc8xToi-Ii/s1600/photo-via-Alex-and-Chloe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD_jqWBIeCc8RXlNdIRC1LAICJsYxR8mfsgHdWlNLrQcQkpL3s5GGX2hyphenhyphenEsTZdrC-2-zWFtCaTzy1opqpUUFw56hLMvjb2CWo93PuWYPWUyAt0YxTqDdbfxIVqC5zZugLDzbzc8xToi-Ii/s320/photo-via-Alex-and-Chloe.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">... I think that women's skirt is coming onto me!?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWuKPIi1BIRbJdViHaMag9GimbyfwpKfpMTtVelMieGywutcuMMPcUDi1oS8Wxq4YG7e5Cj-3TIK7zo1Jct2qOD1kqBDFo7ebeuxQfF_SPljdQss99xOtPHpBJhPIItFyj-IYAvsUDbgjj/s1600/post_554423_1237348319_med.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWuKPIi1BIRbJdViHaMag9GimbyfwpKfpMTtVelMieGywutcuMMPcUDi1oS8Wxq4YG7e5Cj-3TIK7zo1Jct2qOD1kqBDFo7ebeuxQfF_SPljdQss99xOtPHpBJhPIItFyj-IYAvsUDbgjj/s400/post_554423_1237348319_med.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What the fuck and why! Asians! I love them!!! PS I'm taking the Nan on the left! Fuck yes!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfsaa_YOI_sTFPiu1xJy1pVHbalQ9hyphenhyphen3KuQlOUh3IwHNdf7lhyphenhyphenSACY-rbBFV9O8UO9IhiY1RxqI67j-2hgCcrRiPNFcJ-d364zoqYEZ4FfM086MpbYQkeL80rNYIDnoFB_OloXAQA6AJV/s1600/aaaa2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfsaa_YOI_sTFPiu1xJy1pVHbalQ9hyphenhyphen3KuQlOUh3IwHNdf7lhyphenhyphenSACY-rbBFV9O8UO9IhiY1RxqI67j-2hgCcrRiPNFcJ-d364zoqYEZ4FfM086MpbYQkeL80rNYIDnoFB_OloXAQA6AJV/s400/aaaa2.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The model on the left is thinking "why didn't I take the god damn Nip bra job!?"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPH6u8yDFXWIS-CqIF-ttMYFloiVQnoZEcGJ-3KQIV4F8z1WHiCqKwOWPDsjGU55f9_n3x8v9pm5a4zK1zPOkEY-Kq2nE8WoMZvNEyAWBO43CwdTunVZRNooEIMRFOkbdw678968mnSVwe/s1600/aaa3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPH6u8yDFXWIS-CqIF-ttMYFloiVQnoZEcGJ-3KQIV4F8z1WHiCqKwOWPDsjGU55f9_n3x8v9pm5a4zK1zPOkEY-Kq2nE8WoMZvNEyAWBO43CwdTunVZRNooEIMRFOkbdw678968mnSVwe/s400/aaa3.jpg" width="261" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Aaahahaha! Sorry! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPtWTN_wRJsztxLdzwif-xiMD5TlR-ODRlF6nPqtVIdgQqGfJAuulS8wlMl44YqQCGn6kTlbdrn6_7XYDxBIQKq_I3YchhaWGUzmgvWt_EmBKUkCg5n5-4ZH5YffvQBbqaN_vnj6o-fKU/s1600/aaa4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="341" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAPtWTN_wRJsztxLdzwif-xiMD5TlR-ODRlF6nPqtVIdgQqGfJAuulS8wlMl44YqQCGn6kTlbdrn6_7XYDxBIQKq_I3YchhaWGUzmgvWt_EmBKUkCg5n5-4ZH5YffvQBbqaN_vnj6o-fKU/s400/aaa4.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok so what's going on here? Top left is the delightful range of... I'm gunna call them Flange Panties! Why? I don't fucking know! I think they're for weird men who like fugly vagina's!<br />
The bottom left pic- Ummm Airbags?<br />
The pic on the right- Is it just me or does that look like a HUGE pair of pink balls!? Or possibly a vagina with VERY swollen flaps!?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX5yQaBduUbL3FbTUL6WEcWA-oQE46Wtz85mSw3JoZiET3Pakf0YxuQ5U_WnFdGvoT5BcKLR1VCctaKlI_SGu4Caaw-2r5ppLpkGeYgSsXqdfxmbwE9u7-j6mqYs5Y0tPpHtMN6zMlvkzY/s1600/muggy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX5yQaBduUbL3FbTUL6WEcWA-oQE46Wtz85mSw3JoZiET3Pakf0YxuQ5U_WnFdGvoT5BcKLR1VCctaKlI_SGu4Caaw-2r5ppLpkGeYgSsXqdfxmbwE9u7-j6mqYs5Y0tPpHtMN6zMlvkzY/s400/muggy.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These are mug shots!!! It's bitches like these that seriously make me wanna go down... Down... Down to Pussy Town!!! FUCKING NOT!!! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAEaKftb4TzKm9xHXUOMg7lTuiUwYJicFlspgpzQgujlDfhZKZ5DEybzydItER7-njfIOD-33mf53FKyZ6z9vv7n5vKZH2Bz6erdr14huhdJjL8LSLxyqEQ9sY4Y0tPr_dfYBH9gT780aa/s1600/muggy2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAEaKftb4TzKm9xHXUOMg7lTuiUwYJicFlspgpzQgujlDfhZKZ5DEybzydItER7-njfIOD-33mf53FKyZ6z9vv7n5vKZH2Bz6erdr14huhdJjL8LSLxyqEQ9sY4Y0tPr_dfYBH9gT780aa/s400/muggy2.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Arrrr... Yeah?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDhmrLkRWYe7SnKgFbyILJBumNGVWMh-iUOQLoxA0-WaKVi_r7SUkNXnFeIrfs7Z1yTM8wEahDHVIj11_zcOVU42iXG8S1b-hvZIk7KLkFjFEOboUrSFf2ZhF19mQ0mLp4Q2EI4HcprWSR/s1600/muggy3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDhmrLkRWYe7SnKgFbyILJBumNGVWMh-iUOQLoxA0-WaKVi_r7SUkNXnFeIrfs7Z1yTM8wEahDHVIj11_zcOVU42iXG8S1b-hvZIk7KLkFjFEOboUrSFf2ZhF19mQ0mLp4Q2EI4HcprWSR/s400/muggy3.jpg" width="316" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think it's a women?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYRqL7w4f6Z1Sptmq-DJzj-We8ui0rvqCmkZ9s6DKERX5zaHKHY4jt8IdIjFYMHPHZkROhfIM7xpReuycAzEtu1es8Fte2lHRzmSVGIYt2GGLZvtVxJPqfxjxQM7agqQmcG7qLMLaaE4Aj/s1600/muggy4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYRqL7w4f6Z1Sptmq-DJzj-We8ui0rvqCmkZ9s6DKERX5zaHKHY4jt8IdIjFYMHPHZkROhfIM7xpReuycAzEtu1es8Fte2lHRzmSVGIYt2GGLZvtVxJPqfxjxQM7agqQmcG7qLMLaaE4Aj/s400/muggy4.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Aaaahahaha! I want the Dolly Parton!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidIIF6U_Y2_uGE4r-wP9YrwoaD2Dmy0D7Ea26tr_ehzZayxVfd7WII0fDB1ImmTKUsqBVmo2VlIIZzanByEDbW2KL40jSrYWQ7Mhx2lw5YZqJkIvnAq9j6dSnmE73e0o8xlSfaOT-2WRLm/s1600/muggy5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidIIF6U_Y2_uGE4r-wP9YrwoaD2Dmy0D7Ea26tr_ehzZayxVfd7WII0fDB1ImmTKUsqBVmo2VlIIZzanByEDbW2KL40jSrYWQ7Mhx2lw5YZqJkIvnAq9j6dSnmE73e0o8xlSfaOT-2WRLm/s400/muggy5.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do these fuckers own a mirror?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvA-GDThdGycF0Bgqw_ggzxRsztNbHEzhkyuTmO5OYZ1ioNDoBMdMmAcdAi_whvyVm6Tst5fvjZRY_U1zN943UkPp6Hmcwxb_T53zgb1JHYCS9xz0HGFz9sq5MiHG6BsMmEU1Nk-oeCjdR/s1600/bbbb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvA-GDThdGycF0Bgqw_ggzxRsztNbHEzhkyuTmO5OYZ1ioNDoBMdMmAcdAi_whvyVm6Tst5fvjZRY_U1zN943UkPp6Hmcwxb_T53zgb1JHYCS9xz0HGFz9sq5MiHG6BsMmEU1Nk-oeCjdR/s320/bbbb.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spock is not impressed! Ha!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMUCr75qbD3N1LqZ-F6tQUHEi_5P40WZfRTKiIzsRmf-Cgxwhk11jfjG6sNkIaWWSYq1BHmLjYjPSjBAuK4wt6C0SeX22aiMAFsRYTWWqtbl96TURYFP5oe8dj0pl1efdFbISoRVimO9CB/s1600/bbbb2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMUCr75qbD3N1LqZ-F6tQUHEi_5P40WZfRTKiIzsRmf-Cgxwhk11jfjG6sNkIaWWSYq1BHmLjYjPSjBAuK4wt6C0SeX22aiMAFsRYTWWqtbl96TURYFP5oe8dj0pl1efdFbISoRVimO9CB/s320/bbbb2.jpg" width="212" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wow! Did you know you can wear your hair as hat!? Well ya do now!</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So there you have it! From J. Lo to hat fro... Hahaha! That rhymes! There's my thoughts in pictures and all lubed up and bloggerised! </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> On that note... Until next time...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts!!! Love, Jen xoxo</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh and one last thing.......</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgtlem6dFiQziIW4oBt6LMzMkVo934_4ROPZtO4laMQ4i7SBEw2RCUHHMqZSj-NaTQBqRF6Xla3N3C1IzN7zmUdBBWpCNH-pqn2bxuwcq5LAQsOsJeKfcS9DoWUbcFqm6HVToZqiiiHxo/s1600/Bouquet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgtlem6dFiQziIW4oBt6LMzMkVo934_4ROPZtO4laMQ4i7SBEw2RCUHHMqZSj-NaTQBqRF6Xla3N3C1IzN7zmUdBBWpCNH-pqn2bxuwcq5LAQsOsJeKfcS9DoWUbcFqm6HVToZqiiiHxo/s400/Bouquet.jpg" width="398" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">AAAAHAHAHAHA!!! The one is the middle looks like a bum!<br />
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</tbody></table>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-82799523925596871032011-05-17T00:03:00.000+08:002011-05-17T00:03:24.779+08:00Furry Love Rugs & Talking toilet roll holders!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So as I said in my last blog... I have heaps of funny pictures... So here they are! Some are from newspaper adverts, some are adverts for USELESS and ridiculous products and others are just funny... But in a weird/ uncomfortable way! Hope you like them!!!</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvMfmwLQ5ukLXQzFT_moulGrfMQEEzizvknZ6lLI4jmjhI7FRqB3TOjvZA1YbrJGEUQoVq72eUgdmNOb7BhXElpqFqfhbPfoINmtH0rBrDGotVv2UjiBCzkRpQ6psuXAzC9xsKNsNQgRez/s1600/funny1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvMfmwLQ5ukLXQzFT_moulGrfMQEEzizvknZ6lLI4jmjhI7FRqB3TOjvZA1YbrJGEUQoVq72eUgdmNOb7BhXElpqFqfhbPfoINmtH0rBrDGotVv2UjiBCzkRpQ6psuXAzC9xsKNsNQgRez/s640/funny1.jpg" width="480" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The newspaper headline! WOW! Hahaha! I don't know about anyone else but once I got past the fact that this is the most detailed headline EVER, I actually got a mental image of someone in a sumo suit attacking someone dressed as a Snickers! Then I realised I misread it and I felt a little sad! Still I think it may all be a HUGE misunderstanding! Judging by the picture under the headline... Maybe she wasn't wearing a sumo suit... I'm thinking... Bitch is just chunky... And it's laundry day so she made a g-string out of a towel... You know, that old chestnut! She was off of her meds, saw what appeared to be a human sized Snickers bar and jumped at the opportunity! Maybe her ex girlfriend waving at the guy dressed as a Snickers was kinda like: DIBS ON THE BIG ASS CHOCOLATE BAR!!! To which Sumo Sally, was like "Oh fucking hell no, Bitch! I saw it first'. So she punched her out!?! The most disappointing part of this entire ordeal is that you don't know what the ex girlfriend was dressed as!?!<br />
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The Hypnotist advert... WHAT!?! All you can eat- Bring your own food! Hahahaha! That's like having "BONG-A-THON"- As much weed as you can smoke (must bring your own weed!) What the fuck are you paying for?!? And aren't donations suppose to be voluntary? Like paying taxes... Oh... Hahaha!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg317sZsTelkb3Qy7jDO8pjz9jrc-28sRs4xEpOpLhR54FgwJnoBkl3W5ilqArGaaFSBxh7kVYkhuRgnZrl350wqhJyLh8g-IQQShkzMqyDngSWamW0rDCaNbF1ht2KRF29FMnw7TCoibl6/s1600/funny2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg317sZsTelkb3Qy7jDO8pjz9jrc-28sRs4xEpOpLhR54FgwJnoBkl3W5ilqArGaaFSBxh7kVYkhuRgnZrl350wqhJyLh8g-IQQShkzMqyDngSWamW0rDCaNbF1ht2KRF29FMnw7TCoibl6/s640/funny2.jpg" width="366" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">2 Way Radio- You'll need to buy 2! Well, no fucking shit! Other wise you'll be sitting there with ONE 2 way radio talking to ya fucking self!!!<br />
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What the fuck!?! If you're that rich, fuck head go help the needy poor (whoever the fuck they are) by yourself!<br />
<br />
Call Scam line!!! Don't be scammed! Pay $3 a minute for us to tell you "you're being scammed, you fucking ass clown!" I think the Wesley Taylor of scam line started this call centre after losing his $2 to help the needy poor! </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtAdkLLpGqTrfIPrkqp_q_St4xAsqpwoAlhdS6888w18JiJ1spWqdgvKLJkNDqfVKbrisc4EmYEo7HXn5XccgevkjhqbjRT5yw-xlFnV97-hoBsq0RgsnF1n1gx-fImk-w1E93FG8NTfI/s1600/funny3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtAdkLLpGqTrfIPrkqp_q_St4xAsqpwoAlhdS6888w18JiJ1spWqdgvKLJkNDqfVKbrisc4EmYEo7HXn5XccgevkjhqbjRT5yw-xlFnV97-hoBsq0RgsnF1n1gx-fImk-w1E93FG8NTfI/s400/funny3.jpg" width="302" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Hahahaha! So do I, Meth Monkey! SO DO I!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLqXMDNTj_7CjHjjsDLKf1RpZpUiW0dwz7jAA98UPp78UEKk2DySkj1ELvOpGst_2eWaEMGgxXer7nCDD6aoqYsq2pbX_WGyw1bJJp_I-lX1AXYMEEUQvB2uIZACKp3Vk6c0Ih31Wt0zLK/s1600/funny4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLqXMDNTj_7CjHjjsDLKf1RpZpUiW0dwz7jAA98UPp78UEKk2DySkj1ELvOpGst_2eWaEMGgxXer7nCDD6aoqYsq2pbX_WGyw1bJJp_I-lX1AXYMEEUQvB2uIZACKp3Vk6c0Ih31Wt0zLK/s640/funny4.jpg" width="326" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Sauna Hot Pants?! Fuck yes! When your ass crack isn't sweaty enough! Plus they look so comfortable and barely there!<br />
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Have a fag!? God I LOVE positive messages! "You could get hit by a bus tomorrow..." You could also have a homeless man hold you down while his hobo friends bet on how many marbles they can jam in your foreskin, but I wouldn't recommend that anyone chop off their dicks or bomb a homeless shelter just yet!!!<br />
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FUCK!!! 205 lbs (93 kilo) in a week? I'd only have to be on the diet for like 3 days! ... <br />
3 days later... "Hello Scam Line???"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhezlnVajDuGj14hHFPERKnl0nMeO9jQ8vjVeTxytAv3Rlne6Q8PRZoogFtMW42WXmJ8u6ydfZX19LmUvFuy3tuZO_X3MQp3mSumglYIobEeicnj6ya-SfJjf61aPc6JwJjTjGKrRZFAqt0/s1600/funny5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhezlnVajDuGj14hHFPERKnl0nMeO9jQ8vjVeTxytAv3Rlne6Q8PRZoogFtMW42WXmJ8u6ydfZX19LmUvFuy3tuZO_X3MQp3mSumglYIobEeicnj6ya-SfJjf61aPc6JwJjTjGKrRZFAqt0/s640/funny5.jpg" width="304" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">They're happy because they eat LARD!?! Issued by the lard information council!? Why the fuck does LARD need an entire council distributing information on it's behalf!?! A committee maybe... But a council... NO!<br />
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Silent smoke alarm!?! SILENT. Smoke. ALARM!!! "Oh no! The smoke alarm is going off (I saw the flashing light!), but I can't get to the bedrooms to alert the others! I know! I'll use my trusty 2 way radio..... FAAAAAARK!!!!"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oCDmtAOfE2QdmridNpiQz3RmQ_E-7ESZ973SmFaKlKq3ene5vhvVabnO5cpvsosPB7e21y5HLwkkmfmt1zZ-40WfIHEdT45RNbpsOd9XVi-_iyTkaE4oDI3l3C9nLERsu8tIPmjR6AlU/s1600/funny6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oCDmtAOfE2QdmridNpiQz3RmQ_E-7ESZ973SmFaKlKq3ene5vhvVabnO5cpvsosPB7e21y5HLwkkmfmt1zZ-40WfIHEdT45RNbpsOd9XVi-_iyTkaE4oDI3l3C9nLERsu8tIPmjR6AlU/s640/funny6.jpg" width="426" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">AHAHAHAHA! They fucking look on the babies face!!! No decent parent would purchase this for their child! Although... I kinda wanna know if this look is the normal reaction when fed this food coz a serving of that shit and a video camera and you've got yourself a youtube sensation! Oh and what's with a the mini dildo looking chilli's? WARNING: Cock shaped chilli + babies... May result in your child's face becoming permanently deformed!<br />
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TOUGHEN glass CUTTING board... Not suitable for CHOPPING food on! What about CUTTING food? No? So what the fuck do you use it for? Of course it's 'easily clean and hygenic' it's easy to keep shit clean and hygienic when you can't fucking use it for anything!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha7YWqiS8jdVxagSALtrzlUOaJRtUvQsQl5uZctIQ9PUxp9-ckV2B55l-ZUPctfeqPV0LC96U6NWsPG274rrR_f_36Bd5xuOnbnvldlXA4wY2fri-mYr6hVDKbs06LYBquiQSE50THVGh1/s1600/funny7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha7YWqiS8jdVxagSALtrzlUOaJRtUvQsQl5uZctIQ9PUxp9-ckV2B55l-ZUPctfeqPV0LC96U6NWsPG274rrR_f_36Bd5xuOnbnvldlXA4wY2fri-mYr6hVDKbs06LYBquiQSE50THVGh1/s640/funny7.jpg" width="314" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">What about personal ham?<br />
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Incest repellent! Brilliant! Although, I'd change the name to 'Fuck off" Now available in Uncle Lester's extra strength formula!<br />
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Guaranteed you'll find the entire ceremony fucking hilarious!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgexHSUA2shsRr5oUXnzjOawsFsfopvGiUIzbnqIa7tWlx-2tzirXr75G_mgH6EU8YdXvcRnE34hV3n7R7jh4LJ1IFEBYNnAECoMJ7Cx2pDOFXjoDN0s8obhjeFr80A2_COLGruZNR0NjNr/s1600/funny9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgexHSUA2shsRr5oUXnzjOawsFsfopvGiUIzbnqIa7tWlx-2tzirXr75G_mgH6EU8YdXvcRnE34hV3n7R7jh4LJ1IFEBYNnAECoMJ7Cx2pDOFXjoDN0s8obhjeFr80A2_COLGruZNR0NjNr/s640/funny9.jpg" width="438" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">THIS is why Elmo doesn't wear hats!!!<br />
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Pooh spreaders- because no one wants to use there best silverware and they wont snap like a plastic knife!<br />
"WOW, Maude the icing on the chocolate is flawless! How did you get it so smooth and even?" "Oh, didn't I show you my new POOH spreader?" *SILENCE... VOMIT* <br />
And the next thing you know, Maude's being hauled off by the men in white coats!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZA3dpRaaxzQtJ2O-UimiAY31BGC5k0T9W8_6ozwqAAzKUJGIsuZLNJWpKsAH2Ncuef4R3QVUPK_Fobmb-vAw1IaM9gyRADHVWNYQQjNEK5al1D-LIX_cm3IoJA-A3iuncxthtEvJ80S4q/s1600/funny10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZA3dpRaaxzQtJ2O-UimiAY31BGC5k0T9W8_6ozwqAAzKUJGIsuZLNJWpKsAH2Ncuef4R3QVUPK_Fobmb-vAw1IaM9gyRADHVWNYQQjNEK5al1D-LIX_cm3IoJA-A3iuncxthtEvJ80S4q/s400/funny10.jpg" width="351" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ok so the highlighted bits say "Furry love rug"... To me this guy looks like he would be way more into furry brown buttons!<br />
The next bit says "It's almost like having another lover there with you." As if the whole furry love rug comment wasn't weird enough! Now you've got phantom lovers! Hopefully they don't look like the dude in the ad! I've had sex with guys that could be classified as "phantom" lovers... It IS NOT an experience I wish to recreate! Especially with anything called the "furry love rug"...</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRkT_NabaDkq9wajQLo5PH72VukixVunEyQFGGGPwsZ6VLqnjyR19TDLDLBOK4qWWrawNd6X9zf8NJRhfOEa2SUeymgBpjpWu6eD7YWCxUD4Uhe0_uRZgM_44080UEJUmB5uYQ_TAGyP3l/s1600/funny11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRkT_NabaDkq9wajQLo5PH72VukixVunEyQFGGGPwsZ6VLqnjyR19TDLDLBOK4qWWrawNd6X9zf8NJRhfOEa2SUeymgBpjpWu6eD7YWCxUD4Uhe0_uRZgM_44080UEJUmB5uYQ_TAGyP3l/s640/funny11.jpg" width="340" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Susan, will you marry me? Flush once for yes? Really!?! Now if it was saying "Susan, remember our conversation about the courtesy flush" that would be slightly less disturbing but "will you marry me!?" Generally I don't like people thinking about me while they're snapping off a load, but hey we all have out own little quirks! Just don't tell the story of how he proposed at the wedding reception!<br />
If it had a sensor for when the roll was almost empty I'd totally buy it!!! Imagine that shit at parties! "Oi fuck head... Yeah, you! Fuck head! Don't even fucking think about leaving this shitter without replacing the empty roll, you mother fucker!!!" Hahaha! Drunk people and would literally FREAK THE FUCK OUT!!! Hahahahaha!<br />
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Only you know it's a wig (this statement is only actually true if you work blind people and/ or senior citizens.)<br />
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1,000 Medium pizzas for free!?! That's a good fucking deal!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6XE0XdWISCmkY_kIT3rQ9K9TrdZM1MwQecxZtUlKlhxqk5qIgDQn9FUA5Wjply0PHuk1RoLfP3shl3OxfRAwZs1PtI9cxIceUcJJQR8MeMnH7cYXEJwkrqQE1oMBJCKKj4IusKbUGg7Yb/s1600/funny8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6XE0XdWISCmkY_kIT3rQ9K9TrdZM1MwQecxZtUlKlhxqk5qIgDQn9FUA5Wjply0PHuk1RoLfP3shl3OxfRAwZs1PtI9cxIceUcJJQR8MeMnH7cYXEJwkrqQE1oMBJCKKj4IusKbUGg7Yb/s640/funny8.jpg" width="252" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Camel toe? Moose knuckle? They completely fail to encapsulate the epic hill and valley episode chunky butt has going on in between her legs! She has a major case of "front bums revenge!" She must go through pre-wash stain remover like a mother fucker!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Fucking hell... Elvis has gone to shit! My main concern though is: Ball, ball... Wheres the dick? Or maybe he has one ball and one of those lumps is his dick.... Or maybe HE IS THE DICK!!!</span><br />
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<div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I hope you found these as fucked up and hilariously disturbing as I did! If not.... Well, you may need to remove the Pooh spreader out of your arse! Hahahaha! Hmmmm... *Awkward silence*...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Until next time...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Love ya guts, Love, Jen xoxo</div></span></td></tr>
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</span></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-67949346010280004042011-05-14T22:58:00.001+08:002011-05-14T23:00:07.828+08:00Can of Coke for your Cooch?!?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now I am not a bra burner... with jugs like these, bra's aren't cheap and I'm not about to start burning them to make a point... Regardless of what THAT point is... That being said I recently found some old print ads that were so fucking misogynistic and backwards I must admit I can really understand why chicks felt the need to start setting shit on fire... Still I would have opted for setting some jock straps alight rather than my own bra... (It's at your own discretion as to whether or not you want to remove the man before setting their junk on fire!) To me, if you have nice jugs and you rip your bra off to burn the fucker... Who really wins!?! I'm not a guy, obviously, but seeing a bunch of angry females, titties flying would leave me thinking... <i>Yeah you showed us!!! NOT! </i>It's kind of the equivalent of men protesting with knobs out... Sorry but I tend to miss the point when cocks are swinging! That being said I am woman here me roar etc etc and once you view these ads, I'll think you ask yourself... Was bra burning the best approach... (Not necessarily)... Was it effective at putting a stop to blatant ignorance? (Somewhat)... Do these ads make you want to heave a block of concrete at the fucking morons who thought this shit up!?! (Ab-so-fucking-lutely!!!)</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip5-uyy81UTs7WJVoP69-3LSPqIsDOVFu-arM186FP4g4223sxCBmCfsq1WDtxCQyBJ3hQRj2sQkNrop8X75tKmAb8ApVZkgQiYn4hkHDBJEfzlPJjBY1iXccPP5kN4-Lm566bRHBvD72N/s1600/adsedit1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip5-uyy81UTs7WJVoP69-3LSPqIsDOVFu-arM186FP4g4223sxCBmCfsq1WDtxCQyBJ3hQRj2sQkNrop8X75tKmAb8ApVZkgQiYn4hkHDBJEfzlPJjBY1iXccPP5kN4-Lm566bRHBvD72N/s640/adsedit1.jpg" width="546" /></a></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ok, so basically if your husband doesn't want to fuck you... It's your own god damn fault coz chances are you have a smelly cooch!!! Do not fret, all is not lost! You can douche your vag with Lysol! Ignore the fact that it is like 40% Ethanol (pure alcohol)! Just don't light a match or you'll blow that cunt up! I mean your cunt up! The ad then goes on to say Lysol will clean your mangy moot better than soap, SALT OR SODA!!! Soda??? WHAT THE FUCK!?! <br />
"Honey, bring me home a can of Coke, I need to douche my feral flange! That way you will love me again!" But the best bit? You can now clean your feminine mound without any greasy after effects! Well, that's a relief!!!<br />
<br />
The next 2 ads are for condoms! The first one is so lame it's like 'yeah whatever' but the one under it is just fucking annoying. It basically implies that it's ok to fuck random bitches but those random bitch are all filthy sluts who carry sexually transmitted diseases, so use a condom! Like men can't spread VD!?! Seriously!? I find it terrifying that anyone actually printed these ads and that people really believed this shit!<br />
<br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">These next lot of old print ads aren't of the woman bashing variety... There either just offensive to everyone or so fucking weird it makes you think... "WOW THAT'S REALLY FUCKING WEIRD!" Hahaha! Enjoy!?! </span></div></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiboNoIMGG6RBkFHVTQceeDyB53TmTMp4bIXe_hKFBFTLl7t5oSOrbQkSkDNZUeH102uv3tBsJKtcqIkgheQgr_W87FSUVxlkq0BgaVLagEjWC7Joj1wW8lX5BkLZE-iVHAhziwx56x-5dX/s1600/weirdad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiboNoIMGG6RBkFHVTQceeDyB53TmTMp4bIXe_hKFBFTLl7t5oSOrbQkSkDNZUeH102uv3tBsJKtcqIkgheQgr_W87FSUVxlkq0BgaVLagEjWC7Joj1wW8lX5BkLZE-iVHAhziwx56x-5dX/s400/weirdad.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ummm... Yeah? Sedate old angry pricks and ward off the Nazis! All you need is Thorazine and Victory Bonds?!<br />
Fuck! If I knew it was that easy!?! *CONFUSED FACE*</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2fDIw0gWL-inyn6dNq1YIY7dLZzTwvYxzc8e76v80sYKYHDwb4vT1IAPtXDeU3lhgFyd3ohh8jrC-qEKkZ2-501z5Ga4nmJ5yRpXV-Yr6O_yEbO99nIfP3oY6Muscr6n7tY9ix9LA5qR8/s1600/WERID2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2fDIw0gWL-inyn6dNq1YIY7dLZzTwvYxzc8e76v80sYKYHDwb4vT1IAPtXDeU3lhgFyd3ohh8jrC-qEKkZ2-501z5Ga4nmJ5yRpXV-Yr6O_yEbO99nIfP3oY6Muscr6n7tY9ix9LA5qR8/s400/WERID2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
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DO NOT ASK!!! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!! All I know is the pig looks fucking ripped off his gorge! And what's with the blue chunks in the meat?! Anyone? No? Ok! Now the second one... Looking at this kids eyes I don't think he needs anymore barbiturates!!! EVER AGAIN!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-z3cMQ_T9ZN54PYZ3DNNtyhfwR41tB5iogkyoqbsYywNVaYY30JLiO7zw16Vnv5AE74rvDq-9pzrXq0z5SuDbgTzSHxZ6JONDI5NkXx6HpqhlX8GmPc_o9sJeNp4wny0sdeh408xn-cO/s1600/ugly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-z3cMQ_T9ZN54PYZ3DNNtyhfwR41tB5iogkyoqbsYywNVaYY30JLiO7zw16Vnv5AE74rvDq-9pzrXq0z5SuDbgTzSHxZ6JONDI5NkXx6HpqhlX8GmPc_o9sJeNp4wny0sdeh408xn-cO/s400/ugly.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
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I don't know what the fuck these kids are advertising but I don't want it!!! The kid of the left look like his Mother heated a can of spaghetti on an open fire and when it exploded the end result was this kids face! Looking at him makes the primary school insult of "freckle faced fart machine" spring to mind!!!<br />
<br />
The kid on the right... WOW!!! See, if this was an advert for 'why not to take large amounts of experimental narcotics during pregnancy' then this picture would make sense... But I think it's an ad for feeding your child disgusting meth enriched meat so they can have that happy cracked out look all of the time! And don't get me started on the fringe or that evil fucking fruit bowl/ hat she has glued to her head!!!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTXma4hDDI8CbAnRLOIMKxFSQr4DaOduSUf59VuMKrI9rt_4RkV2XrvXMGU9WNOJfQuV_Osd3SCAeVlfICQvwhq_rMg7Ay-06tasX8LYRmGaE1ckviq7aOxPZw3iWq8wM7dDZhQcCIoVEy/s1600/smoking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTXma4hDDI8CbAnRLOIMKxFSQr4DaOduSUf59VuMKrI9rt_4RkV2XrvXMGU9WNOJfQuV_Osd3SCAeVlfICQvwhq_rMg7Ay-06tasX8LYRmGaE1ckviq7aOxPZw3iWq8wM7dDZhQcCIoVEy/s400/smoking.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">But... What?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUSfrr5HXlVGd8YCR_yuCIfZdU08Aes-moJ8t-ynMmu3TPaeSKd8tCj3OWHF9C9XuQ-_eIyLNU5_QDAqu5rtDonyCetd_khozSho3VtROQixP5cApcOmozJV82GuwSPL0in9khoj33h7eG/s1600/weird44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUSfrr5HXlVGd8YCR_yuCIfZdU08Aes-moJ8t-ynMmu3TPaeSKd8tCj3OWHF9C9XuQ-_eIyLNU5_QDAqu5rtDonyCetd_khozSho3VtROQixP5cApcOmozJV82GuwSPL0in9khoj33h7eG/s400/weird44.jpg" width="296" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">More terrifying crack head kids!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPkF756bsnx4jIv9VBjhHK9qNyqWw5tO5DNye1DLS_deY27zTJFfT0lKoI0ZqmZwUTMF02OnoYjbkF-ZlW77h0bW47cqDaX44tvSI1RKy8DikSRm8exAPOc-ZlsaC0CQqVhICPvtpbivA7/s1600/blow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPkF756bsnx4jIv9VBjhHK9qNyqWw5tO5DNye1DLS_deY27zTJFfT0lKoI0ZqmZwUTMF02OnoYjbkF-ZlW77h0bW47cqDaX44tvSI1RKy8DikSRm8exAPOc-ZlsaC0CQqVhICPvtpbivA7/s400/blow.jpg" width="302" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Well, it's true!?!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgguT5ucULvnSGbLlQJYmMYawX0OUP9Uw7TVd2YxlJnfMvyRBSUHl2tiy8-_RHeDfMSU-_GBIx-Hzf_RZ2HGZIbba5cYSaaBeBZhhwBKvKxky1PcnI0jPSfz0v-zDhELxEt-1GKlbIVByK/s1600/what.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgguT5ucULvnSGbLlQJYmMYawX0OUP9Uw7TVd2YxlJnfMvyRBSUHl2tiy8-_RHeDfMSU-_GBIx-Hzf_RZ2HGZIbba5cYSaaBeBZhhwBKvKxky1PcnI0jPSfz0v-zDhELxEt-1GKlbIVByK/s400/what.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ummm... Seeds and Sodomy, anyone?!?</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL5ZzehOsQMI-MrL-IONVA-YhGsGaePZ57loikpusXPMEP6Ktrg3ifinI82n8qAelOyC-Ak6ePnZ29QAUxVYUcopz5aMRS2rdcRd0CijnXoGU_0YyzFGhrTazytEnS5qmb5lPVWFXCjoGM/s1600/wolf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL5ZzehOsQMI-MrL-IONVA-YhGsGaePZ57loikpusXPMEP6Ktrg3ifinI82n8qAelOyC-Ak6ePnZ29QAUxVYUcopz5aMRS2rdcRd0CijnXoGU_0YyzFGhrTazytEnS5qmb5lPVWFXCjoGM/s400/wolf.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Only his make-up man knows for sure!? Where is this make-up going? </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0rfdlfU4oV2I4KYIJYJ3AsGdKHWrudkXitCvrHOEObzh1paQXIMZ71pp8j_479Mft0dnAufSafUVCpgjEfFXHgUl_nRg6aMCaBjNmFYxvqpwnqzhWMv6RcSe4q_3Naj2zhLbqsDeuOQw4/s1600/drugs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0rfdlfU4oV2I4KYIJYJ3AsGdKHWrudkXitCvrHOEObzh1paQXIMZ71pp8j_479Mft0dnAufSafUVCpgjEfFXHgUl_nRg6aMCaBjNmFYxvqpwnqzhWMv6RcSe4q_3Naj2zhLbqsDeuOQw4/s320/drugs.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Heroin & Tape Worm diets! Hell YES!?!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So there you have it! NEVER complain about modern commercials EVER again! I have TONNES more of these and more random shit coming up in my next few posts... So stay tuned, Kiddies!</span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo</span></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-7637762412388414552011-05-11T22:33:00.000+08:002011-05-11T22:33:15.011+08:00It's in your Mother's anus!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I stumbled across these little gems, thanks to friend... We shall call him, "Liridon"... Which just happens to be what everyone else calls him too... So it worked out well!!! Hahaha! Anyway! Moving right along... The following are some hilarious examples of why I do not own an iPhone (plus I need SOME buttons!) AND why I don't use auto correct and/ or dictionary!!! ENJOY!!!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipCHXlcH3PzXqb2Uh5fm81TM9uOREXAtYYy9W8I_s83w-53EMBu1-prGUzuj7vN-tH_DdThf6hDSTmckmrGCPwYdHFSel0Gp2QO4i4MzP1YCyjFRvsH0FOPQCC4y6DGTYz5e67VgtVvwI-/s1600/auto1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="347" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipCHXlcH3PzXqb2Uh5fm81TM9uOREXAtYYy9W8I_s83w-53EMBu1-prGUzuj7vN-tH_DdThf6hDSTmckmrGCPwYdHFSel0Gp2QO4i4MzP1YCyjFRvsH0FOPQCC4y6DGTYz5e67VgtVvwI-/s400/auto1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNt-22j3mi2Ii39ca6JgyoInLKO2IN7TAFYUajNpFUgU0mCQbmdTSM_OTh-hwuHjgnO-F19-AJh6g3X-DdsrWTcLR_BBdictLPjtdCWpFAFrTMKRPxGyxPM1kkvSRGYWsxGW9ZE8i7DIwe/s1600/auto2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNt-22j3mi2Ii39ca6JgyoInLKO2IN7TAFYUajNpFUgU0mCQbmdTSM_OTh-hwuHjgnO-F19-AJh6g3X-DdsrWTcLR_BBdictLPjtdCWpFAFrTMKRPxGyxPM1kkvSRGYWsxGW9ZE8i7DIwe/s400/auto2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgMN2H6aAEisTuYsyjQpQu7Tz66ZiYqAkg0HXUNYokyeBr3ybQbCq8jHQzLY3KLb7L0_pJoY0Gp2frQ0VZNlTjGc6o5K3CU3LqLoBFnDduoUYjhmYFt1kYRGqUnyCfApI7zYlnGv_lFGCt/s1600/AUTO8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgMN2H6aAEisTuYsyjQpQu7Tz66ZiYqAkg0HXUNYokyeBr3ybQbCq8jHQzLY3KLb7L0_pJoY0Gp2frQ0VZNlTjGc6o5K3CU3LqLoBFnDduoUYjhmYFt1kYRGqUnyCfApI7zYlnGv_lFGCt/s400/AUTO8.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The one on the right is GOLD!!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkdGri1FdIiajL4wLN2qYueMeTlMIPI1WKzDVQYcM5VflMl8lgwsPMqqsY6tG1GPXeGd21OPPDju1dIPUbVzbql610HqazONfIOT854rdRwdjFPfs5Tg6F5JwM5dlgyOwLlThMxQW82s2p/s1600/AUTO9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkdGri1FdIiajL4wLN2qYueMeTlMIPI1WKzDVQYcM5VflMl8lgwsPMqqsY6tG1GPXeGd21OPPDju1dIPUbVzbql610HqazONfIOT854rdRwdjFPfs5Tg6F5JwM5dlgyOwLlThMxQW82s2p/s400/AUTO9.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hahahaha! It's in her god damn anus!!!</span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkZnOzB7x-a8LH_A3y2nam5vtS310Ct7550C0YhB9TnqCjzYfnluf9oNZGtLx83QNSnb15MngYAtWNo13vPdQLxD_1sNfbnBFof9wfVNQ7Vo9myBjmtt53tJvTspt129nT-OGXu1hEhWIN/s1600/AUTO10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="393" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkZnOzB7x-a8LH_A3y2nam5vtS310Ct7550C0YhB9TnqCjzYfnluf9oNZGtLx83QNSnb15MngYAtWNo13vPdQLxD_1sNfbnBFof9wfVNQ7Vo9myBjmtt53tJvTspt129nT-OGXu1hEhWIN/s400/AUTO10.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdE3h1GZTi8MJLFdV3XSGd3aljWE623WwvzXGmIuSKLlFBFPUAy1ZICQzM_nydHzqLuWEQvBh2jEtpLniH7jfxhbSb1oM97gsOu9gLPqg0MZoqCHHl-AzkFIX_TayiS-sEpChC_vas53Jj/s1600/AUTO11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="336" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdE3h1GZTi8MJLFdV3XSGd3aljWE623WwvzXGmIuSKLlFBFPUAy1ZICQzM_nydHzqLuWEQvBh2jEtpLniH7jfxhbSb1oM97gsOu9gLPqg0MZoqCHHl-AzkFIX_TayiS-sEpChC_vas53Jj/s400/AUTO11.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1yYR3kve7o-wkdepRV49umnAdpHHz-fyzd7gqtQF5DQkctcuPgDZPKaalwbluWsYkQET6V-EP3mx9NISR-wx2Lxi-DohYq4GVzlGxVIsU98wb7zJClgvC4SioffB8F3iBr0HorXPNHHzS/s1600/auto13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1yYR3kve7o-wkdepRV49umnAdpHHz-fyzd7gqtQF5DQkctcuPgDZPKaalwbluWsYkQET6V-EP3mx9NISR-wx2Lxi-DohYq4GVzlGxVIsU98wb7zJClgvC4SioffB8F3iBr0HorXPNHHzS/s400/auto13.jpg" width="277" /></a></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRjhrXmFK0SF18ICeZABbs0SjQLjjVT4SLwgitdBs0xG9juBZwJnMRmW8Z2FTI5jQlOxqoog5xk1STPPmq8F6OMES-qyneIlCC4Ua-Uh8rv4Usf8UmicvmG5jK-RVic4F_ffR42wc6T0XB/s1600/auto14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRjhrXmFK0SF18ICeZABbs0SjQLjjVT4SLwgitdBs0xG9juBZwJnMRmW8Z2FTI5jQlOxqoog5xk1STPPmq8F6OMES-qyneIlCC4Ua-Uh8rv4Usf8UmicvmG5jK-RVic4F_ffR42wc6T0XB/s400/auto14.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">FUCK!!! Are you stupid? It's in my fucking PUSS!!!</span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb3vquEh_0yTScX9R3bzBjMHsI_vW_NSPFuB-p3NVXKk0meLUP7SBFS0voAVTRxElNUMNT_ZhAnmRW6cjVMONwPVpBIzao1lL93LmJARy_DOxw6rofDU95b9J9JfVS2gzHUeQvCw5ZJVgT/s1600/auto15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb3vquEh_0yTScX9R3bzBjMHsI_vW_NSPFuB-p3NVXKk0meLUP7SBFS0voAVTRxElNUMNT_ZhAnmRW6cjVMONwPVpBIzao1lL93LmJARy_DOxw6rofDU95b9J9JfVS2gzHUeQvCw5ZJVgT/s400/auto15.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these little love nuggets as much as I did!!!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until next time...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love ya guts!!! Love, Jen xoxo</span></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2909390111675249035.post-26651725109488382772011-05-10T00:34:00.000+08:002011-05-10T00:34:56.838+08:00FUCKING BLOG PIRATES!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEUp0_NeVhQoSGx150kP8tTb-VEhqX5iCdeVeng5LuPugF7j6PHJyKPDvnNaEHl4RIMyT5Nn1_S38Gb7BWXcCkrdUo8eFfJ6YGiVV_hCtSIRIGHXblWCo6nFiQ4VNmwgvVDcJO0Y_JVXhV/s1600/naughty1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEUp0_NeVhQoSGx150kP8tTb-VEhqX5iCdeVeng5LuPugF7j6PHJyKPDvnNaEHl4RIMyT5Nn1_S38Gb7BWXcCkrdUo8eFfJ6YGiVV_hCtSIRIGHXblWCo6nFiQ4VNmwgvVDcJO0Y_JVXhV/s400/naughty1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Text: DOWNLOADING PIRATED MOVIES IS NAUGHTY!!!<br />
(AND IT MAKES YOU A VERY NAUGHTY PIRATE!)</b></span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6yrAHqLZ4BMWSmH10J36ed31glRHeJ9ee_YpbZShVjkcAoyP6orp9ivjV0we3Zmp03OhAfNoUIjw58kQH0S7lRbYw2sz-RBe_ee5hLhOxMUlVen7EoGWRuP3gCCGkJUKwjw6g9OitFkq/s1600/PIRATE2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6yrAHqLZ4BMWSmH10J36ed31glRHeJ9ee_YpbZShVjkcAoyP6orp9ivjV0we3Zmp03OhAfNoUIjw58kQH0S7lRbYw2sz-RBe_ee5hLhOxMUlVen7EoGWRuP3gCCGkJUKwjw6g9OitFkq/s400/PIRATE2.jpg" width="332" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b>Text: GAY BEARD!!! THE DVD PIRATE!!! DOWNLOADING MOVIES IS STEALING! VIEWING & ENJOYING MY BLOG WITHOUT SHOWING APPRECIATION IN THE FORM OF <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">COMMENTS, FOLLOWING</span> AND/OR <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jens-Spaghetti-Blog/205630922809936">FACEBOOK LIKES</a> IS STEALING!!! WELL, NOT REALLY BUT I'D REALLY LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!!! DON'T BE LIKE GAY BEARD!!! GIVE SOME LOVE BACK!!!<br />
*** ARE YOU A BLOG PIRATE??? WELL, ARE YOU!?!***</b></span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span id="goog_1988383912"></span><span id="goog_1988383913"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Jenbear1985http://www.blogger.com/profile/04651029419289795227noreply@blogger.com2