I totally just SHATNERED myself!

My Fat Boy (aka Logan aka The Fatness) has a few main goals in life:
1. To eat as much as possible... As often as possible and without discrimination! 
2. To seek out and destroy... Everything! He's not fussy he'll fuck up furniture, DVDs, the TV, plates, his cot, as well as occasionally messing with my will to live! 
But 3rdly and most importantly his MAIN goal and his driving motivation is... To play with his doodle! Often and well! Like... WELL! I've gotten to a point with him where I have to put his nappy on backwards because other wise I find him, bare arsed, smile plastered on his chunky face with his dick in hand! Usually I can get to him in time and chase his chunky ass around the house to re-cloth him but sometimes he de-robes while in his bed and by the time I hear him laughing and squealing and I catch onto what he's doing he's already peed everywhere! And that's even with his nappy on backwards AND with pants on! He's a determined little wanker! Hahaha. He will de-pants, manage to remove his backwards nappy and play with his little doodle! He's fucking obsessed! And he doesn't just have a little fondle he like full on punishes the pecker! It disturbs me as his Mum, coz I was hoping for at least 2 or 3 years of him remaining pure and innocent... But no, he's got his dad's penis punisher genes! Hahaha sorry, Todd if that makes you sound like a gay porn star! Now he's onto the backwards nappy so I've had to employ the duct tape around the waste technique... So far... Success! But he's a crafty little turd so only time will tell who won this round...

It's like the time my beautiful baby girl was in the bath and she discovered her butt hole! There was a fucking month long obsession I was glad to see the arse end of! Hahaha. Excuse the pun! So these are the joys of parenting... Watching your beautiful babies turn into feral Muppet's whose past times consist of butt hole pleasures, schlong stretching and basically fucking your shit UP! I wouldn't change them for the world :)

I had always intended on being one of those parents who taught their kids that a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina... Not a yoo-hoo, or wee-wee or wee-har-hoo=rar... And with Isabelle I stuck with that. She calls her vagina her gina... Which is a cuter version of vagina and less butch sounding than vag! Hows ya vag Madge?! Who the fuck is Madge? Fucked if I know! Keep up! Anyway, I say vag and I'm not butch... Mostly?! Anyway! Whatever! So I intended for Logan to call his penis his penis... But when I look at it I'm like 'nawww look at your little doodle!' sorry baby boy... It's entirely too cute to be a penis! He's got more chance of me calling it his Margaret Thatcher, than he does of me calling it his *serious voice* penis! Hahaha!


What does this have to do with this blog entry? Absolutely fuck all! Nada! Zip! Zilch Zero! Bupkiss! Diddly squat! Nada... SWEET FUCK ALL!!!! I like to keep you on your toes! Kinda like a ballerina on crack!!! Twirl bitch! TWIRL! Yeah anyway! So a little while back I posted a blog entry called It's in your mother's anus which was a collection of 'auto-correct' fuck ups... Quite entertaining shit! Anyway in light of the success of that post, and due to the fact I am still without a new laptop (meaning serious lack of motivation) I present the 2nd installment of epic auto correct fuck ups! Enjoy!

My advice... If you find a friend who can fit 6 cans in her vag... Keep her!

You can hem your beef curtains? What, with a regular Jenomi or do you need an industrial beef hemming machine?

Finger my camel toe all you want but stay the fuck away from my cannoli (butt hole?)... What?

I find someone freaking out and the other person being set on repeat fucking hilarious! I'd be a mess treating people in shock! Carlee died! Carlee. Carlee! Me- Ahahahahaha! Yes! Brilliant!

Mom is lying! Fucking crack heads leaving hot "creme pies" around the house!

Hahahaha REPEAT! Black dick! BLACK DICK!!! For fuck sake! Are you dense? I said BLACK DICK!

I fed a deer out of my vagina once... It's overrated!

KIDS! You tell the to get their cunt out of the geezer and they act like you're speaking a different language! 

Want paid stress leave? Next time you're at work and it starts raining... Stand up, grab your hair and start yelling "It's raining HATS AND FIGS!!! HATS AND DONGS!!! FATS AND DOGS!!!" Then start howling and run out of the office!

If Mom's Asian this isn't actually that weird!

Call me strange but if I got a picture of some black Puma's after all that I'd feel robbed!
I actually like the smell of burnt penis? Is it just me? Yeah? Ok then! Moving!

You're camping and Dad's impotent... So... Who's pitching the tent?
P.S We all have to start using the word SHATNERED!!!

Effervescent Shitstain! Aaaaahahahaha! I'm so going into Bunnings drunk and demanding a free sample pot of Effervescent Shitstain!  

Tom's ball sack must be... HUGE! OR maybe it's a mini stapler! Either way I'm still impressed!

That's why I stopped going to church... Mmmwaaaahahaha?!?

Ahahahaha! Christian mind fuck dot com! GOLD!

YES! That's the 3RD JENNA text in this blog! It's a hot name ok!

Feather pussy out who error you horse! Ahahaha! That is all!

They Googled themselves? Ewww!

Auto cucumber! Sounds fun! I hope it's burp-less... Was that your vagina!? NO! It was the cucumber!

Until next time...


Love ya guts! 


Love, Jen xoxo