Fuck the duck until exploded!?!

Ok so I'm watching some porn documentary!?! I have to ask you the question I just got asked by my television: How much do you know about face sitting? Ahahaha! Well? This one silly bitch was a house wife who decided to become a porn star... As you do! Anyway so she gets cancer... Not from the porn (or maybe I don't know!?) So she's being interviewed and she was like "I wasn't going to let cancer beat me, I wasn't ready to die, I have kids to live for!" Yeah ok. Wait! I'm going to have to stop you right there! So, let me get this right! Your children are a good enough reason to survive cancer but they don't come into the equation when you're considering getting cocked in high definition by 5 guys at a time for money? Interesting. Sounds like a classic case of too much spoof in the gob rots ya brain! You should have said to yourself  "I cant do porn, I have my kids to think of!" but hey, what do I know!?


The next dude... Chick... Dude? Fuck I dunno! Let me explain! Buck was born as a girl... Buck decided to become a man. Cool... I can deal with that. Buck starts taking testosterone and working out. Buck gets buff! Ok! Cool... Now this is where my head started to hurt! Buck keeps his vagina! Hahaha OK what??? Yeah you read it right. HE kept HIS vagina! Not in a glass jar or anything... LIKE ACTUALLY ON HIM!?! So now Buck, who looks very much like a man makes porn with men... Who are actual men (factory original penis and all) and these men penetrate Bucks... VAGINA... With their... man penis!!! Confusing huh! 


Just for the record I am a girl! I have a vagina! No dick to pussy cross contamination, multiple masturbation, formerly on probation bullshit going on here! Anyway, from one confusing subject to another!!! Chinese/ Japanese instructions! Now at the bottom of my page you may notice I have a list of links! Don't be afraid! You can touch them! They like it! CLICK THEM GOD DAMMIT! Woah sorry I got a bit carried away there! Where were we? Oh yeah! My links! So there's a link for engrish.com which is a super funny site that shows how fucked up shit can get in translation... Like the Japanese trying to write in English... Eric Clapton becomes Eric Crapton... I think they may be onto something there! See pics below!!! So I'm on Ebay the other day ( I KNOW, I HAVE A PROBLEM!) and I was looking at some eye liners sold from China... I'm reading and it's as if the person translating started off trying really hard and then just got drunk and gave up coz by the 5th line down it said something to the effect of: Pretty Eye liner. Good for young girls who suffer from embarrassment of ugliness! Ahahahahaha! I was like fuck you! I'm not buying your poxy "made for ugly girls eye liner" Seriously! WTF?
Here is just some of the FUCKING HILARIOUS shit you'll see at http://adult.engrish.com/

So I put the following to my FB friends: Something different! My blog is taking on the form of an advice column! Write in with you questions. Ask for advice. It can be legit or some crazy shit you'd like to hear my theories on! The best ones get to appear in my next blog! Dazzle me! 
Now the responses was pretty poxy but I'll answer them anyway! I got the following questions! 

• KAINE: Lol haha ok i got a real one why are women so emotional when it's that time of the month??? Please explain.
• ANSWER: Kaine, are you a 12 year old girl!? You sound like you're going through a tough and confusing time with you body! Between this question and your adventures in netball I'm starting to wonder... Do you tuck you penis between your legs and dirty talk to yourself in the mirror? Just sayin' anyway I'll humour you with an answer... this time!!!! Honestly, I don't know... Besides hormone levels being up and down I don't actually suffer from PMS. I am not moody for 1 week out of 4 around the time of my period... I'm a cunt the other 3 weeks of that month! Hahahaha! 
• SCOTT: Do ginger kids a soul! I still cant figure out whether I do or not!!
• ANSWER: NO! NO YOU DONT!!! Hahaha I'm joking!? I think! I cant say that bacause my nephew's are ranga's! Damn those bloody Irish jeans! You're not Irish are ya Scott? Fuck! Todd's sister married an Irish folk dancer called Scott... Hence the ranga nephews... This all became very twilight zone! I'm not at liberty to discuss this any further! If I disappear you know why! IRISH MOB!!!! ARRRRGH!
• ALYSHA: Dear blog advice wise Jen! Pray do tell me, that new song by Afrojack, take over control, Is that woman singing to her vibrator?
• Note the correct format Alysha submitted her question in! She uses commas and the word dildo! 5 gold stars for Alysha! Now to answer your question... Be right back! I have to find out what the fuck you're talking about before I can answer!!! ANSWER: Sure! Why not! All I could think of was how she looked like a nymph cockatoo who, whilst mid dump got taken by surprise from behind by a pig boy. That is my professional opinion! Bad hair. Taking a shit. Got arse pumped. Liked it. 

That's it for now kiddies! Remember I love your feedback and gifts!!! Still waiting on your gifts, cheap mother fuckers! Haha!

 >_< 

Until next time... Love ya guts! Love. Jen xoxo

ONE MORE!