I am writing this on my mobile... *Very sad face*
My laptops' hard drive has died... I had nothing backed up (D'oh!) and I have no money to get it fixed or to buy a new one! *Epically sad face* I was going to attach a Paypal widget to my blog to see if I could get donations from random cashed up strangers but I can't do it via my mobile! The world is against me!!! Anyway... Other than having a massive piss and moan, I'm just wanting to let you know... I'm not dead and no one has kid-napped me trying to shut me up... I'll just be M.I.A until I can work something out with my computer, or lack there-of!
Missing you all heaps!
Until next time.... (Whenever that may be!)
Love ya guts... Love, Jen xoxo
Fact: If I were a man I would have a huge meaty cock! Alas I am not, so I compensate with my kick ass blog!!!
Friday, 27 May 2011
Friday, 20 May 2011
Nice underwear! Now drop 'em and bark like a chicken!
Ok, so it's come to light that my thought processes are a little... Eeerrr erratic... But, I do have ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and I'm naturally unhinged, not to mention being genetically pre-dispositioned to occasionally thinking I'm a chicken.. BERGUUUUUURK... Anyway so as you can image I hop from from vacuum cleaning to penis pasta in a few short milliseconds! I often get asked how the fuck I end up at whatever fucked up conclusion I end up ending up at... What? Hahaha... Hmmmm... *Weird silence* Anyway... I made a mind map!
Unfortunately when I've gone to put it on my blog it's too fucking small to read but, FEAR NOT! I'll walk you through it! I was watching TV and an ad for American Idol came on. Jennifer Lopez was 'performing' and something, quite literally jumped out of the screen and slapped my pretty little face! She had some serious MC Hammer, circa 1990-1992, crotch drape going on! It honestly looked like she was smuggling a small child in there! Then I remembered she's married to that Hispanic rat looking mother fucker, Mark Anthony and I concluded that he was about the same size of a small child and it was most likely him bunking in her squirrel covers!
This whole traumatic experience started a chain reaction of electrical reactions in my squishy area.... GREY SQUISHY!!! Not pink squishy... Wait! What? Ok rewind! Electrical reaction in my brain... I looked at J. Lo's pants and thought "is she trying to revive the whole 90's, happy pants, yes my penis is that big I require the extra room, MC Hammer up in ya ho spanner" trend? Then I thought about good old MC Hammer (Hahaha McHammer) and I wondered what the fuck he was thinking when he put that shit on and was like "fuck yeah, I dig it!" This made me think about bad fashion in general, which then (naturally) lead to funny undies, funny undies lead to tits (of course), which lead to people getting arrested with their tits out. This then turned into mugshots. Mugshots equaled bad hair... So there! Hurts ya head doesn't it? And to think that THAT was the simplified version!
My brain> Me watching TV and seeing J Lo's gruesome gaping groin> MC Hammer> Bad fashion> Funny underwear> Tits> Mug shots> Bad hair = My blog!!! |
Call them whatever you want... She looks like she's done a huge dump in her shiny diaper! Looking at this picture of MC Hammer, I'm glad he went broke... For his own safety and for ours! |
Hahahaha! Nunnery Couture- The Paedophile's Collection! |
... I think that women's skirt is coming onto me!? |
What the fuck and why! Asians! I love them!!! PS I'm taking the Nan on the left! Fuck yes!!! |
The model on the left is thinking "why didn't I take the god damn Nip bra job!?" |
Aaahahaha! Sorry! |
These are mug shots!!! It's bitches like these that seriously make me wanna go down... Down... Down to Pussy Town!!! FUCKING NOT!!! |
Arrrr... Yeah? |
I think it's a women? |
Aaaahahaha! I want the Dolly Parton! |
Do these fuckers own a mirror? |
Spock is not impressed! Ha! |
Wow! Did you know you can wear your hair as hat!? Well ya do now! |
So there you have it! From J. Lo to hat fro... Hahaha! That rhymes! There's my thoughts in pictures and all lubed up and bloggerised!
Love ya guts!!! Love, Jen xoxo
Oh and one last thing.......
AAAAHAHAHAHA!!! The one is the middle looks like a bum! |
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Furry Love Rugs & Talking toilet roll holders!!!
So as I said in my last blog... I have heaps of funny pictures... So here they are! Some are from newspaper adverts, some are adverts for USELESS and ridiculous products and others are just funny... But in a weird/ uncomfortable way! Hope you like them!!!
Hahahaha! So do I, Meth Monkey! SO DO I!!! |
Labels:
funny,
hilarious,
inventions,
newspapers,
old ads,
print ads,
scam line,
strange,
stupid ideas,
unusual,
weird
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Can of Coke for your Cooch?!?
Now I am not a bra burner... with jugs like these, bra's aren't cheap and I'm not about to start burning them to make a point... Regardless of what THAT point is... That being said I recently found some old print ads that were so fucking misogynistic and backwards I must admit I can really understand why chicks felt the need to start setting shit on fire... Still I would have opted for setting some jock straps alight rather than my own bra... (It's at your own discretion as to whether or not you want to remove the man before setting their junk on fire!) To me, if you have nice jugs and you rip your bra off to burn the fucker... Who really wins!?! I'm not a guy, obviously, but seeing a bunch of angry females, titties flying would leave me thinking... Yeah you showed us!!! NOT! It's kind of the equivalent of men protesting with knobs out... Sorry but I tend to miss the point when cocks are swinging! That being said I am woman here me roar etc etc and once you view these ads, I'll think you ask yourself... Was bra burning the best approach... (Not necessarily)... Was it effective at putting a stop to blatant ignorance? (Somewhat)... Do these ads make you want to heave a block of concrete at the fucking morons who thought this shit up!?! (Ab-so-fucking-lutely!!!)
So there you have it! NEVER complain about modern commercials EVER again! I have TONNES more of these and more random shit coming up in my next few posts... So stay tuned, Kiddies!
Ummm... Yeah? Sedate old angry pricks and ward off the Nazis! All you need is Thorazine and Victory Bonds?! Fuck! If I knew it was that easy!?! *CONFUSED FACE* |
But... What? |
More terrifying crack head kids!!! |
Well, it's true!?! |
Ummm... Seeds and Sodomy, anyone?!? |
Only his make-up man knows for sure!? Where is this make-up going? |
Heroin & Tape Worm diets! Hell YES!?! |
So there you have it! NEVER complain about modern commercials EVER again! I have TONNES more of these and more random shit coming up in my next few posts... So stay tuned, Kiddies!
Until next time...
Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo
Labels:
advertising,
bra burning,
coke,
douching,
drugs,
feminism,
funny,
heroin,
old ads,
print ads,
random,
scary looking children,
strange,
tape worm diets,
vagina,
weird
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
It's in your Mother's anus!
I stumbled across these little gems, thanks to friend... We shall call him, "Liridon"... Which just happens to be what everyone else calls him too... So it worked out well!!! Hahaha! Anyway! Moving right along... The following are some hilarious examples of why I do not own an iPhone (plus I need SOME buttons!) AND why I don't use auto correct and/ or dictionary!!! ENJOY!!!
The one on the right is GOLD!!! |
Hahahaha! It's in her god damn anus!!! |
FUCK!!! Are you stupid? It's in my fucking PUSS!!! |
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these little love nuggets as much as I did!!!
Until next time...
Love ya guts!!! Love, Jen xoxo
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