It's in your Mother's anus!

I stumbled across these little gems, thanks to friend... We shall call him, "Liridon"... Which just happens to be what everyone else calls him too... So it worked out well!!! Hahaha! Anyway! Moving right along... The following are some hilarious examples of why I do not own an iPhone (plus I need SOME buttons!) AND why I don't use auto correct and/ or dictionary!!! ENJOY!!!

The one on the right is GOLD!!!

Hahahaha! It's in her god damn anus!!!

FUCK!!! Are you stupid? It's in my fucking PUSS!!!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these little love nuggets as much as I did!!!

Until next time...

Love ya guts!!! Love, Jen xoxo

Good Old Mongrel Moot!

Call me superficial but there is absolutely nothing unenlightening about being dirt ass crack habit poor! *Disclaimer in case my Nan ever reads this: No, Nan I am not on crack! P.S Nan get off the bloody Internet! No good will come of you being online! NO GOOD!!! 


Anyway... Where was I? Oh yeah. Being a poor ass. Ok so yeah for the next 2 months until Toddy gets his 3 month pay rise and once we've recovered from the fiscal nightmare that has been the past 10 months shit's guna be painful. When I was single being poor shat me but it was more like a challenge! Plus it kept me thin! Now that's fucking optimism beyond delusion! Fucking ignorant youth how I miss thee! Now I'm too old and bitter for a challenge and as for staying thin... Well the chunky boat has well and truly sailed on that one! Now, being poor means thinking up scams so my chunky boy can have milk in his bottle and Huggies on his super cute chunky butt! But all this scamming got me thinking... Todd's FINALLY got the job of his dreams... So the money issue isn't that much of an issue... But how many people are actually doing what they want to do? Then I got to thinking... If I could do anything and be paid for it what would I do.... And it's then I realised... I'm already doing what I want to do... I've just gotta figure a way to get paid for it!?! 1st one is being a Mum... I'm good at it and the rewards take a huge dump on the chest of any other career opportunities I've come across. Obviously I'm not getting paid for this but this is a long term investment... Do a good job at Mumming it up and my kids may still talk to me when I get old! Aaaahahaha. Oh god! I'm going in a home! The other thing I love is blogging. But once again... Not getting paid for it... So feel free to start paying me - I take cash, money orders and empty promises! 


You know when someone just walks right into a joke... Like they just bend over right in front of you, lube up their butt with gullible and hand you the joke dildo!?! And even if it's your mother or your best friend you gotta say 'fuck it' and go with the funny! 

Merry FUCKING Christmas!

Mindy's number plate!

Well this situation happened with me & a pathetic little skid mark, we will call MINDY... We were friends... I was a better friend to her than she was to me, like NO fucking comparison! Anyway Todd set her up with his mate, "Claude"... I told him not too but he didn't listen. So Claude works away. Mindy goes on 1 date with him then he goes back to work for a month. Anyway this classy little fuck nugget is sending Claude full blown dildo show vid's within a week of having their FIRST and ONLY date... He comes back to Perth, fucks her in the arse a couple of times, gets bored with her and her
refusal to shower and drops her mongrel moot.


Aaahahaha sorry... MONGREL MOOT! 


Being rejected by every male in Perth doesn't sit well with cunt face and any time she gets an opportunity she has a dig at him. Anyway so months later I happen to mention that Claude got a dog... Her response to this was talking about how gross HE is and that he would be in to bestiality (beastiality) and it wouldn't surprise her if he was fucking the dog... My response to this was, 'Well, he DID fuck you!' Then I proceeded to try not to literally urinate myself as I laughed... HARD! I even did the little joke drum solo of 'ba-boom tshk!' If I didn't crack that joke it would still be shitting me! Point is, when a golden opportunity presents itself jump on it and thrust your hips till you've fucked dry... Or you will regret it! 'Well he DID fuck you!' Baaaahahaha! Classic burn! 


Talking about people and thing's in their arse's... How many of you have woken up with something strange in your butt? Now there's no long winded answers here... You either have or you haven't. Me, personally I got through a rather mis-spent youth without collecting anything obnoxious in my butt... I'm sure if I'd ever had a one night stand it would be a different story... I know if I had an opportunity to shove an object up a passed out random persons butt before disappearing into the night... I so fucking would! Not much point doing it to Todd... He would know it was me and that boy has what I refer to as 'prison cheeks' in other words he can clench his cheeks tighter than anyone I know! Myself included! 

^^^ My Dad's face! ^^^

Anyway... I'm getting off the subject! So a few years ago my dad told me this story that to this day still makes me laugh. Dad apparently woke up about 4 or 5am... It was still dark, but a little light. Anyway so all of a sudden dad realised he didn't feel quite right... Down stairs... There was 'something shishy' in his bat cave...The back door region to be precise... Now my father sleeps in the nude... That little nugget of info is something I could have, quite happily gone the rest of my life without knowing but anyway... He recalls thinking 'I know I'm getting old but surely I'm not of an age where I am shitting myself in my sleep?' Hahahaha. Sorry! I'm just imaging the look of shear terror and confusion on his face & it makes me giggle! So after laying there, for a few minutes wondering what the fuck to do & contemplating which nursing home he wouldn't mind moving to, he decided he had to find out what exactly was going on in valley of brown... So, now pace yourself, he reaches down into his crack to find out what the hell... There's something wet and squishy... He freezes... Too late now... He removes his hand from ass... He looks at it, in the little bit of light coming through the curtain, it looks like shit! It fucking feels like shit... He SNIFFS it... It smells like...


Dog food!?!?! Hahahaha. My dog, Arnold (who lives with Dad) buried his food in my Dad's arse while Dad was sleeping! Seriously! How my Dad didn't wake up is beyond me... Why my Dad still sleeps is the buff is even further beyond me! I think he's quite happy to be the dog's bitch as long as he has control over his own bowels! I don't know how, Arnold felt about his nice warm breakfast getting washed down the drain but I think it's best my dog stays away from all forms of crack!!! I don't know anyone who would be HAPPY about having Chum in their butt, but if you'd thought you crapped yourself I spose Chum is the lesser of two evils?!?
Until next time... If you own a dog... Sleep with your pants on!


Love your guts! 

Love, Jen xoxo 

Vladamir Coktossin!!!

So I'm watching weight lifting on TV... Well that's a lie... Todd was watching the shit... I was merely a victim of circumstance... Circumstance being it was Todd's birthday & I wasn't about to engage in a 'it's my birthday, I should be able to watch whatever I want' anus twitching guilt trip! It wasn't all tears and suicide threats though... During my glimpse of said weight lifting I came up with several pieces of advice for these, lifters of weights! Weight Lifters, as they are also known!!! 


1stly... Guys! Adjust your cock/ nuts PRIOR to chalking up your hands! Seriously! They ALL had chalky knobs and nuts! Hahaha knobs & nuts! ALL of them! You never see them out on stage tugging their scrote or checking their foreskin to make sure it hasn't engulfed a nut or something so they must run backstage and be like 'YES! I fucking showed that hard, long rigid bar & those filthy slag weights who's tha man' and then engage in a rampant cock grope and a frenzied ritualistic celebratory jig! 

It's not surprising that all these blokes are a bit cock mad... I mean considering the names of the lifts they perform it's no wonder it's a blatant cock romp! Firstly the clean and jerk... $50 says half these guys got involved in weight lifting when the heard they got to perform a 'clean & jerk' on stage... Only to be disappointed when finding out later on that some sadistic cock teasing moron thought it was a good name to describe something mind blowingly painful and completely unrelated to any cleaning and jerking most young blokes are accustomed too! 'Yeah that'll suck the little fuckers in!'

If that doesn't work there's always the ever so suggestively named 'snatch'... Now for my overseas readers (and I know you're out there... Leave a comment! Don't be a stranger!) snatch is Aussie/ Jenna terminology for... Vagina... Moot... Minge... Muff... Beaver... Bearded clam... Axe wound... Map of Tassie (refer to the picture on the left if you're lost on this one)... Cunt... Pussy... Poon... Flesh wallet... Ewww ok enough of that... You get my drift... And if you don't I don't think you should be reading this! Ok so yeah snatch!? I'm sure with all the languages around the world the Weight Lifting Association or whatever the call themselves could have come up with something that doesn't lead the non weight lifting enthusiast to believe they are going to be seeing something wet and wonderful! It's just setting your potential audience up to be disappointed! It may just be me and my warped mind (it usually is) but when I hear the words "World Champion Jerk's & Snatch's (or Jerker's and Snatcher's??)" the last thing to enter my mind is 'several rotund unattractive Europeans wearing Lycra, lifting large inanimate objects for a pre-determined period of time whilst sporting chalked up cocks!' 

Now if they really wanted to add a whole new dynamic to the sport there's really only one direction to go... Naked weight lifting! Yep... NEKID!!! With maximum extreme zoom-age right up in their poop shoots... Get some extreme Spike Lee angles happening... Zoom right in on their grundles as they struggle to hold that weight there for a new world record... You'd be able to literally see some hemorrhoids form before your eyes! Not to mention how many new advertisers the sport could get... Haemorrhoid cream for one... Bang! Done! Signed! Penis enlargement creams could also get into the act!

Imagine it!

"Tonight going for a new personal best of 185kg is the young Russian, Vladamir Coktossin! Even if this amazing young man doesn't lift his goal weight... As you can see by having a quick glance between his legs... He won't be going home disappointed!"

"That's right Sven! As most people probably know Vladamir is the spokes cock for Lumber Jax Max Cox Xtreme Cream 12000! Now you don't need to be a Med student to see that before Vladamir started his treatment coarse he was a shameful 3 inches... After just a 6 month coarse Vladamir is now rocking a member any man would be proud of! He has increased his girth 400% and his length by an amazing 700% which means thanks to Lumber Jax Max Cox Xtreme Cream 12000, Vladamir is now sporting a very attractive 13 pound cock! And now back to the weight lifting!"

See! It could totally work! And you know the Europeans would dig it coz they love doing everything naked! I really should be in advertising! Hell after reading that shit, I'm about to call now my credit card details and order my supply of  Lumber Jax Max Cox Xtreme Cream 12000 and I don't even have a cock (anymore.... Hahahah Joking!!!) Plus if I'm one of the first 50,000 callers I'll get a free Snuggy! Fuck yes! Massive man meat and an embarrassing tent/blanket to keep it warm! My life is complete!!! 

Top Line L-R: Shitting, Fucking, Shitting, Weight Lifting!
Bottom Line L-R: Weight Lifting , Ejaculating, Sneezing, Shitting!

Ok so that's enough about naked weight lifting and 13 pound cocks... All this from not really watching weight lifting! Makes you think, doesn't it? No, not really? Ok well fuck ya then! Difficult Mother Fuckers! Hahahaha! 

Anyway!!! Until next time and as always!


Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo