Bee-Bopping & Shit Slapping!

Hiiii! It feels like FOREVER!!! I maxed out my download limit ONE day after the new billing period started so my Internet has been s-l-o-w-e-d!!! I've tried to post a few times but it shat me off way too much! So fingers crossed I can post this sucker!!!


Anyway I've decided I could dig being famous... Well I'd like my blog to be famous actually... There's people who have written a lot less entertaining shit than myself and are rolling in it ("it" being money... Hopefully?) So if anyone knows Posh Spice's manager hook me up! Anyone who can make that no talent hack famous obviously has skills or is sucking the devil's dick! Either way I like those qualities in a person.


I think companies are now making shit up just to sell products! Example. What's with this new Listerine ad? Bio-film? Wtf is bio-film and why am I only just hearing about it now? If it's real and has been around as long as we've had teeth why has no one mentioned it before!? And if it's a new thing then I think I deserve some kind of formal memo or notice! "New discovery! Teeth muck! Beware! It will breed in your mouth and if it escapes it will eat your children and your pets!" 


I'm a bit over my life at the moment. I love my kids and am in a healthy relationship (except for the fact I'm 50% of said relationship) with a hard working partner who loves me and I love him (mostly) and I have a house but I'm just so fucking blah about the whole thing. I want more. Problem is I don't know what I want and I have absolutely no fucking desire to do anything about it!? I have ZERO motivation. ZERO!!! It's the same shit day in and day out... Why fucking bother!? I find myself really envious of these mum's who raise a family, work part/full time, cook meals, have a clean house and get to the gym every day. I find myself thinking, WTF are these freaky bitches snorting to have such zeal!? I can't seem to shake this funk and my fucked up way of thinking. I'm capable of anything I put my mind to... Unfortunately my mind has no interest in exerting extra energy. I seriously need a car like fucking yesterday! Being stuck in this house day in and day out for over 3 years has made me and my ass twitchy! So if anyone wants to buy me a car send me an email! Ok thanks! Seriously though! I'm starting to make hermits look sociable! Anybody with tips or tricks to fuck up my existential funk and get me bee-bopping and shit slapping (?) once again... Do share! 

I've shared some of the craziness of my dad's side of the family and told you about my nan (my 'mothers' mother) fucking with the homeless but I haven't really delved in my maternal family... Until now! So about my 'mother'... Well my 'mothers' family is really small. But it gets confusing coz 3 of them have the same fucking name! I was to be the 4th but my dad, thankfully said fuck no! There's my great nan- Nadine. Absolute legend. My soul mate. Awesome, AWESOME human being. She passed away when I was 18... I didn't get to attend her funeral... In fact I don't even know if she had a funeral or if she was cremated? I don't know where she's buried or where her ashes are scattered. Not because I don't want to know but just because my family is fucked and didn't think it was important information to pass on to me. I asked my cousin... She didn't know... She asked her mum, my aunty and she recons she doesn't know either. What a pile of pus! But these are the kinds of ass holes I'm dealing with. 


Ok so my great nan- Nadine is dead. Her daughter, my grandmother- also Nadine is my 'mothers' mother. My grandmother (piss cup) had 2 daughters. My mother (also, Nadine- yeah I'm serious) and my aunty (Bernadette). Now anyone whose known me long enough knows I have NO relationship with my so called 'mother'. Usually I call her Nadine but it gets a bit confusing. The most time we've spent together was while she was pregnant with me. Since my birth there was a rapid decline in our relationship. She left 3 weeks after I turned 5. She would see me every 2nd weekend when it suited her. Sometimes she showed up. Sometimes she didn't... For 18 months she just didn't bother to rock up. Then she had a bad dream about me so she broke into our house and left an abusive note for my dad... Yeah she's a real picture of mental health... Anyway so this on again off again bullshit continued until I was 12 when we had a full blown brawl out the front of my aunty's house. As classy as this cunt thinks she is, that didn't stop her from using her acrylic nails to try and pop my eyes out. She isn't a real mothers arse hole!!! Yeah so that pretty much spelled the end of that bullshit.


We've had a few encounters here and there like me sitting in my aunties car and Nadine coming over to talk to me and wondering why I rolled up my window... Her response to that was 'So you're not talking to me, now? What have I done this time?' (always the fucking victim!) I didn't respond because this bitch is fucking brain dead but I really felt like saying 'not talking to you NOW? I haven't spoken to you in fucking years!?' This woman- personal issues aside is a superficial motherfucker and she has one of the most powerful and active delusional imaginations I've ever come across! Don't get me wrong... Not every single memory of her is bad, but even Hitler had his good days! 


I know for a fact she tells people we have a good relationship! I asked her about it once... And her response was 'well I cant tell them we don't talk can I?' Well yeah you could! If that's your choice and you believe you're right then own it! But she's more concerned about what strangers think of her than what her one and only daughter thinks. She will use every excuse under the sun. She will say it was 'too painful' to see me, or that my dad interfered, or that I was poisoned against her but the truth is, and any real mother will tell you this, even if all those things were true that wouldn't stop them from fighting to see their babies. 


In case you're wondering... Yeah she knows she has 2 grand babies... She just doesn't care! Her idea of making an effort was sending me and Isabelle a gift voucher when she was born and a card saying how she was so happy when I was born and now I had MY own daughter who could fill MY life with joy etc etc. Wtf is she talking about? It had been 10 years since we had any contact at that stage and she sends me this shit? Did she think I would still be medicated when I read it??? Fuck off! There was no mention of the fact that Isabelle was HER grand daughter. She just waffled on with her version of our fantastic relationship! So I sent the card and the gift vouchers back. 


Now I could be really bitter about this, but the truth is she helped me in a way. I was worried sick when pregnant with Isabelle. Was i going to be like Nadine? Was it a genetic trait? What if the baby was born, and like her I had absolutely no interest in it what-so-ever? Turns out I'm NOTHING like my 'mother'. In fact she is responsible for me being the kick ass mum I am. All I do is think 'what would Nadine do?' Then I do the polar opposite of that and my babies are super happy and healthy and loved. I would never say 'oh I love my children, but I don't LIKE them!?' I would never use excuses to stop me from pursuing a close relationship with them, I would never take a dick over my babies, I would never put my career, social life, men, travelling or everything else before them and their happiness. So she has influenced me and it just goes to show that even the most beautiful flower can grow out of a big ass pile of shit! I'm the flower! She's the shit! Not to be mistaken with she is THE shit. No, she's just shit. It really is her loss. 44 this may and she has 2 amazing grand babies she will never know. 


So that's a little bit about my 'mother'... She's a real gem isn't she? Hahaha! There's A LOT more on her and the rest of that side of the family but we'll get into that another time! 


In the mean time... Stay beautiful! 


Love ya guts! Love Jen! xoxox