Mop that shit! Mop it real good!!!

Firstly I've got to say... Peters 'Rolo' ice cream a big fuck yes to that shit! Oh...My...Fucking...Gawd!!! It is AMARZING! Not amazing! Amarzing! Chocolate and caramel ice cream, caramel sauce and a billion little chocolate buttons all smooshed together equals heaven in a tub! Just thinking about it makes the elastic in my knockers melt!!!

 
Today's lesson: Whilst pissed off and attempting to make a bold statement by jumping from a slow moving vehicle I just happened to totally forgot that I'm completely unco and smashed the car door into a wooden pier (yeah that went down really well with Todd... Hahahaha fucking NOT!!!) thus causing said door to bounce off the pier and crush my foot between the door and the car! Next time I'll just pepper spray the mother fucker! Note to self: buy pepper spray! Ha!


Todd had to buy me a new mop from Bunnings... The old one got set on fire! Aaahahaha yeah really... Don't ask! Anyway I just broke the new one in... Noisiest mop EVER! I don't even recall my previous mops making a noise... Except for me screaming 'holy shit the fucking mop is on FIIIIRE!!!' with the last one but besides that... No! No mop noise! The last thing I need is an excuse not to mop! Fucking stupid piece of shit! Everything's working against me! Don't they test these things before they sell them? If I wanted a noisy mop I'd buy an industrial size sponge and duct tape it Logan and let him go nuts coz god knows, if there's dirt on my floor that chunky butt will find it! Dirt, food, noise! That's his niche!


Now I want to get a little deep with you... Ooo that sounds a tad naughty! Meeeeow! Yeah well moving right along then! I want to talk about long time life goals! Do you have any? Are they the same or do they regularly change? Do I care? Probably not hahaha! Well as for me... Mine haven't changed. There's a few things I wanna do before I leave this little blue planet... 


1. I want to smack someone across the face with a wet fish! HARD! That's been on my list for a good decade now. Dunno how it came about but it's something that needs to happen! 
2. I want to get a new passport and fill the fucker! I want my passport to be the filthy slag of the international customs world! POW!!!
3. I want to do enough drugs to kill me! Hahahaha. Maybe this should be last on my list... Just in case they do actually kill me!
4. I want to see my babies have babies of their own... Nawww! Coz they would be super cute and I would be a hot nanna! 
5. I want to get botox and plastic surgery... Lots of it! I want to be the best looking corpse since Joan Rivers... Oh she's not dead? Sorry Joan! Hahaha. But yeah you know what I mean! 
So there they are. My life goals. All achievable. None of them really sensible. All of them very Jenna!


Back to the bastard mop! I took a break ^^^ there before completing my mopping adventures! Well I finished the front half of the house... I mopped the floors AND... Wait for it.... WAIT for it... The walls! Aaaahahahaha! The MADNESS has set in! Mwaaaahahaha! *awkward silence.....*


Ok so there is method to my madness! I wasn't naked cover in syrup with a chicken hanging out my butt cackling madly looking for surfaces to mop or anything like that! I was mopping my floors and the skirting boards were dusty! So I mopped them... Which then revealed the actual colour of my paint... I swear to god my kids must get naked and roll themselves in chocolate sauce and hurl themselves at my walls when I'm not looking! Anyway so once I saw that my paint wasn't actually a dirty beige colour I just kept on truckin... So-to-speak! Anyway my walls are lovely and clean now... At least until tomorrow anyway! 


Well I think I've broken a new record for talking about mopping for an extended period of time! No I'm not high! But I do win a prize! My prize!? A choc milk, a facial and then off to bed!
 
Until next time my little fuckers!!!! Mop yaselfs happy?! Hahaha.


Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo