That Punkin is Sunkin!

I'm guna say it... I hate Apple Mac's... Mostly because everyone's nipples seem to spontaneously combust at the mention of the i-pad and then everyone else is like 'oooo flaming nips! Jump on that shit! JUMP ON IT!!!' I-pad to me sounds more like the new improved maxi pad that sends you a text or an email when it needs to be changed!? 

"Hi Maude... Yeah it's me... Your sanitary napkin... Look things are getting a bit... ummm... funky down here and I was just wondering if you could change me ASAP! Ok, yeah thanks! Bye!"

I have no desire to know what it is or what it does! Mostly because I'm happy in my own little bubble and like a crazy white supremacist... You'll never convince me otherwise! I'm open minded about most things! Let me bathe in my ignorance ok! Anyway! To top off these freak occurrences of over-heating norks there is some obnoxious pile of pus called 'face time'? All I know is that if Todd came home talking about 'face time' I'd be thinking bust out the Vagi-clean Mumma's guna be riding your face like a saddle! Yeeeah haaaaw! Hahaha! Vagiclean! Wrong Ewwww! Hahahaha! Where's Julie? She's off sick... She's got contagious vaginitis!?! 


Some days my kids are weird and other days I honestly wonder if I was on some serious psychotropic substances while pregnant with them!? They are just full blown little trippers! Logan (16 months) is just on another level... His thing at the moment is squeezing Todd's nipples, squealing then fingering his belly button... Todd's belly button not his own! Crazy little chunky butt.


Isabelle (4 years) is just as bat shit crazy and random as me. She runs out of her bedroom today and says 'Mummy mummy! I have something to tell you!' then she says, with a huge smile on her face 'that punkin is sunkin!' Aaahahaha! No fucking clue what the fuck it means but she was very pleased with herself! 

One last rant before I fuck off! Monobrows AKA unibrows!! As a beautician I have MAJOR issues with eyebrows anyway! They really do make or break a persons look and monobrows are just like a big shit stain on your forehead! It's as if they took the whole 'wipe from from to back' advice their Mum gave them WAY too far! They went from front to back, up their back, over their head and decided to stop just as they reached their nose! Now a monobrow on a dude... Fuck off... But a monobrow on woman... An otherwise attractive woman!? Oh my fucking god! Shut up! I want to rip the flesh off their faces and beat them to death with it!!! 


2 brilliant examples of this: 
A) Jennifer Connelly (Pics below) &
B) Erika Alien-attack!? Oops! Sorry... Erika Eleniak- Baywatch & Under Siege (Pics below)... 


These are people who have there ring holes buffed and dusted as a normally weekly thing! Who the fuck let these woman get in front of a camera with that shit on there head!? How did they not notice it when they looked in the the mirror?! What the fucking fuck is their glitch!? Jennifer Connolly has since lost the mono brow... Along with her tits... The other one though, last time i saw was old as shit, still had the tits and was still rocking her optic pubes like her life depended on it!!!!  


All I think of is if that's how they 'maintain' they're facial hair they must be sporting some full on, buck wild, welcome to the jungle, cracked out bush bitch, "I think i lost my dog in there", 14th century wet rug, mound of marvellous muffy madness down below!!! Meow!

She's also had a nose job...

Hairy baby prostitute

OMG!!! She is pretty! Them BAM...

... FACIAL SKID MARK!!!!

She may be stoned here?!?

Mono AND Mo!!! That's cruel!

Sorry, but NO!!! Am I delusional.com! Yes, yes you are!

... Until next time!


Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo