God Damn Poo Particles!

Greetings my marvelous little misfits! This entry is going to be short and sweet. It was either that or no blog at all! Hahaha I sound like a Mum! "You kids better shut up or I'll turn this car around!!!" Haha! I had a few idea's about things to talk about but I am too exhausted and it would be a pity to waste a good story by telling it badly coz I'm tired! So all you fidgety fuckers are just guna have to hold your dick's till next time!!! (PS I'd love pictures of you actually holding your dicks!!! Hahahaha!) 


♥♥♥ I don't have my beautiful babies tonight. They are staying at their nannies because it's Isabelle's 4th birthday today (Saturday). She had a lovely day and loved her presents... I'll upload pics in the next entry! She is so beautiful and awesome and I honestly couldn't be a prouder Mum! She is an absolute pleasure to spend time with and I have had a fantastic 4 years watching her grow and learn, but most of all seeing her teach patience, love and humour to everyone she meets. Love you Bubba! Happy Birthday sweet cheeks!!! ♥♥♥


First up I wanna ruin two perfectly good (not at all) songs for you! I've fucked them up for myself and I always say "why suffer alone." Hahaha. James Blunt- Goodbye My Lover. Every time I hear this I yell "GOODBYE DANNY GLOVER" and I do a queenly wave off to no one in the distance! Second song... Gwen Stefani- Holla Crack Girl or is it Holla Sack Hurl!!! whatever! When she sings the shit is bananas B*A*N*A*N*A*S don't sing that shit!!! sing MY shit! I shit whole bananas B*A*N*A*N*A*S! and point to your ass in an over obvious way! even if you're saying to yourself I'm not doing that... it doesn't fucking matter! I've planted the seed! You'll find yourself thinking the lyrics wrong! Hahaha! I shit whole banana's! Fucking gold!


Inspired by Todd and his ability to just mind fuck me with just totally ridiculous, random bullshit that just makes me think... Thank fuck he's good in bed... Anyway so the other day Todd leaves for work and 5 minutes later comes running back in coz the button on his shirt popped. Anyway like a good little wench I sewed that button back the fuck on! Anyway so later that afternoon, he's returned home and is sitting down having a beer and I'm like "fuck dude, no wonder you popped a button, your shirt is screaming! (I can say these things coz god knows I need to drop about 140kg's!!!) Anyway so Todd looks down and was like nar... he then proceeded to offer me up the most overly complicated outlandish bullshit explanation I've ever heard for something that didn't need explaining! So I have a huge pile of washing to be folded... I work on it, but it yeah what are you guna do! I'm approaching it more as a 5 year plan. So apparently the buttons on Todd's shirt were hanging on for dear life because his shirt sat in the pile of clean laundry, untouched for 3 days!!! WTF!?! (That's the basic uncomplicated version) I was so blown away by the complete lack of ANY logic that I didn't even argue with him about it. I just looked at him like did he think I was going to agree with that statement. Like what? Is his shirt a victim of  some unknown form of bullying? Are his old work shirts pissed at his fancy business shirts? Are the jeans beating the crap out this shirt when no one is around? Is there some mass fucking conspiracy to cover up the civil war happening in my laundry? Like seriously WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?! 


Anyway so after recovering from stupidity shock I got to thinking about other people and their bullshit theories! And how you can argue a perfect case on why their theories don't make any sense and still, even though you can see them acknowledging your points they believe what they believe "coz" they do!?! 
Like my dad... If he sees a car with four exhaust pipes... It must be really fast! I've explained that not all 4 exhausts are attached but he doesn't seem to think logic has anything to do with... well... anything! Another one is my brothers mother, another hateful Greek slag... She would leave the paper on the margarine! God it shat me!!! Her theory? It keeps the margarine fresh!!! It's fat! It doesn't go off! Well it does, but we kept it in the fridge and it was used within a month! Freshness wasn't an issue! Maybe she should have taken the margarine paper and used it as a fucking panty liner! There's some freshness you actually need you skanky fat slapper!!! Hahahaha! Panty liner! She's a silly whore! Speaking of silly whores... 


That brings me to my next moron! Who we will call "Mindy" !! Now as far as morons go this silly cunt is at the top of the shit heap!!! I'm not going to get into all particulars coz that's a story for another day. Anyway so my vacuum cleaner had died and she let me borrow her Dyson. Anyway so while vacuuming under the couch the vacuum sucked up a straw... Anyway she had a fucking hissy fit over it! It wasn't like I vacuumed up the fucking cat or something (I learnt my lesson the first 3 times!) it was a shitty plastic straw!?! I don't even remember what her argument was... I choose not to listen to stupid people... It bores me! So I looked at her for a while... Not too long, but long enough to make her feel uncomfortable, then I said "hey, do you vacuum couches?" She looked at me and was like "...yeah" and then I said "and people sit on them?" She looked puzzled and answered "yeah?" I said "Well you have to at least entertain the notion that if you vacuum couches, and people have sat on those couches... And some of those people would have farted whilst sitting on them... Distributing poo particles into the cushions. Then you go and use your vacuum and clean the cushions and essentially your'e sucking up poo particles... POO PARTICLES MINDY!!! And you're worried about a god damn straw?!? I stumped her! She had NO fucking response to that! Fuck head! 


So that's all for now my lovelies! Sorry i didn't cover everything I was suppose to! I'm just a filthy little blog tease!!!! I will do you GOOD next time! Hahaha!


Until then... Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo