Furry Love Rugs & Talking toilet roll holders!!!

So as I said in my last blog... I have heaps of funny pictures... So here they are! Some are from newspaper adverts, some are adverts for USELESS and ridiculous products and others are just funny... But in a weird/ uncomfortable way! Hope you like them!!!

The newspaper headline! WOW! Hahaha! I don't know about anyone else but once I got past the fact that this is the most detailed headline EVER, I actually got a mental image of someone in a sumo suit attacking someone dressed as a Snickers! Then I realised I misread it and I felt a little sad! Still I think it may all be a HUGE misunderstanding! Judging by the picture under the headline... Maybe she wasn't wearing a sumo suit... I'm thinking... Bitch is just chunky... And it's laundry day so she made a g-string out of a towel... You know, that old chestnut! She was off of her meds, saw what appeared to be a human sized Snickers bar and jumped at the opportunity! Maybe her ex girlfriend waving at the guy dressed as a Snickers was kinda like: DIBS ON THE BIG ASS CHOCOLATE BAR!!! To which Sumo Sally, was like "Oh fucking hell no, Bitch! I saw it first'. So she punched her out!?! The most disappointing part of this entire ordeal is that you don't know what the ex girlfriend was dressed as!?!

The Hypnotist advert... WHAT!?! All you can eat- Bring your own food! Hahahaha! That's like having "BONG-A-THON"- As much weed as you can smoke (must bring your own weed!) What the fuck are you paying for?!? And aren't donations suppose to be voluntary? Like paying taxes... Oh... Hahaha!

2 Way Radio- You'll need to buy 2! Well, no fucking shit! Other wise you'll be sitting  there with ONE 2 way radio talking to ya fucking self!!!

What the fuck!?! If you're that rich, fuck head go help the needy poor (whoever the fuck they are) by yourself!

Call Scam line!!! Don't be scammed! Pay $3 a minute for us to tell you  "you're being scammed, you fucking ass clown!" I think the Wesley Taylor of scam line started this call centre after losing his $2 to help the needy poor! 

Hahahaha! So do I, Meth Monkey! SO DO I!!!

Sauna Hot Pants?! Fuck yes! When your ass crack isn't sweaty enough! Plus they look so comfortable and barely there!

Have a fag!? God I LOVE positive messages! "You could get hit by a bus tomorrow..." You could also have a homeless man hold you down while his hobo friends bet on how many marbles they can jam in your foreskin, but I wouldn't recommend that anyone chop off their dicks or bomb a homeless shelter just yet!!!

FUCK!!! 205 lbs (93 kilo) in a week? I'd only have to be on the diet for like 3 days! ...
3 days later... "Hello Scam Line???"

They're happy because they eat LARD!?! Issued by the lard information council!? Why the fuck  does LARD need an entire council distributing information on it's behalf!?! A committee maybe... But a council... NO!

Silent smoke alarm!?! SILENT. Smoke. ALARM!!! "Oh no! The smoke alarm is going off (I saw the flashing light!), but I can't get to the bedrooms to alert the others! I know! I'll use my trusty 2 way radio..... FAAAAAARK!!!!"

AHAHAHAHA! They fucking look on the babies face!!! No decent parent would purchase this  for their child! Although... I kinda wanna know if this look is the normal reaction when fed this food coz a serving of that shit and a video camera and you've got yourself a youtube sensation! Oh and what's with a the mini dildo looking chilli's? WARNING: Cock shaped chilli + babies... May result in your child's face becoming permanently deformed!

TOUGHEN glass CUTTING board... Not suitable for CHOPPING food on! What about CUTTING food? No? So what the fuck do you use it for?  Of course it's 'easily clean and hygenic' it's easy to keep shit clean and hygienic when you can't fucking use it for anything!

What about personal ham?

Incest repellent! Brilliant! Although, I'd change the name to 'Fuck off" Now available in Uncle Lester's extra strength formula!

Guaranteed you'll find the entire ceremony fucking hilarious!!!

THIS is why Elmo doesn't wear hats!!!

Pooh spreaders- because no one wants to use there best silverware and they wont snap like a plastic knife!
 "WOW, Maude the icing on the chocolate is flawless! How did you get it so smooth and even?" "Oh, didn't I show you my new POOH spreader?" *SILENCE... VOMIT*
And the next thing you know, Maude's being hauled off by the men in white coats!

Ok so the highlighted bits say "Furry love rug"... To me this guy looks like he would be way more into furry brown buttons!
The next bit says "It's almost like having another lover there with you." As if the whole furry love rug comment wasn't weird enough! Now you've got phantom lovers! Hopefully they don't look like the dude in the ad! I've had sex with guys that could be classified as "phantom" lovers... It IS NOT an experience I wish to recreate! Especially with anything called the "furry love rug"...

Susan, will you marry me? Flush once for yes? Really!?! Now if it was saying "Susan, remember our conversation about the courtesy flush" that would be slightly less disturbing but "will you marry me!?" Generally I don't like people thinking about me while they're snapping off a load, but hey we all have out own little quirks! Just don't tell the story of how he proposed at the wedding reception!
If it had a sensor for when the roll was almost empty I'd totally buy it!!! Imagine that shit at parties! "Oi fuck head... Yeah, you! Fuck head! Don't even fucking think about leaving this shitter without replacing the empty roll, you mother fucker!!!" Hahaha! Drunk people and would literally FREAK THE FUCK OUT!!! Hahahahaha!

Only you know it's a wig (this statement is only actually true if you work blind people and/ or senior citizens.)

1,000 Medium pizzas for free!?! That's a good fucking deal!

Camel toe? Moose knuckle? They completely fail to encapsulate the epic hill and valley episode chunky butt has going on in between her legs! She has a major case of "front bums revenge!" She must go through pre-wash stain remover like a mother fucker!
 
Fucking hell... Elvis has gone to shit! My main concern though is: Ball, ball... Wheres the dick? Or maybe he has one ball and one of those lumps is his dick.... Or maybe HE IS THE DICK!!!

I hope you found these as fucked up and hilariously disturbing as I did! If not.... Well, you may need to remove the Pooh spreader out of your arse! Hahahaha! Hmmmm... *Awkward silence*...

Until next time...

Love ya guts, Love, Jen xoxo