Showing posts with label foreign. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foreign. Show all posts

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

But why is there no Disco Puma?

So I was trawling the Internet looking for funny shit to entertain you lot with and I stumbled upon a picture of a Harry Potter DVD case... Not that interesting, right? WRONG!!! Fucking WRONG!!! The DVD is obviously a burnt copy from overseas because it's just fucked up! It's written in English but as you'll soon see it's got absolutely NOTHING to do with Harry Potter- Like, at fucking all!!! This random find then lead me down a weird and wonderful path of movie posters- with a foreign twist! Enjoy! I give you full permission to say 'WHAT THE FUCK' out loud and as often as necessary... And trust me when I say, it WILL be necessary!!!


Ok, so at first glance everything appears to be normal... At first, I was like... And why is this funny? Then I saw Billy Bob Thornton's name and I knew that something was terribly wrong... It reads as follows:
Directed by Billy Bob Thornton, two young men (Matt Damon and Henry Thomas) celebrate the recent ending of World War II by riding out of their native Texas into the wild west, meeting friends and fellow adventurers along the way. Once they reach Mexico, they become smitten with a young woman (Penelope Cruz) who is the daughter of a ranch owner. As foreboding clouds threaten their so-far sunny skies, the men throw themselves headlong into danger.
“The Wizard Of Oz”
F- it’s time A Complete triumph

Bonus features
Anamorphic Widescreen (Aspect Ratio 2:35:1)
Commentary by Director Harold Ramis
Commentary by Elizabeth Hurly and Trevor Albert
Making of Featurette, Costume Design Featurette, Still Gallery
English 5:1 suroung, english Dolby Surround, French Dolby Surround
Subtitles: English, Spanish
Warner bros. pictures presents a Cruise/Wagner-Vinyl Films production of a Chris Buck film Daniel Rancliffe “Harry” Emma Watston Rupert Grint Richard Harris and Samantha Morton music by Nancy Wilson music supervision Danny Bramson costumes designed by Betsy Hermann edited by Joe Hutshing ace production designer Catherine Hardwicke director of photography John Toll ASC executive producer Jonathan Sanger Danny Bramson Fernando Bovara Bill Block Patrick Wachsberger assistant producer Michael Doven produced by Tom Cruise Paula Wagner Cameron Crowe written for the screen and directed by Kevin Lim and Chris Buck.

Ok, so apparently there was a heap of shit I didn't know about Harry Potter! Like I had no idea that Billy Bob directed it as well as Harold Ramis, apparently! Or that it starred Matt Damon... (I think he plays Ron!?) Even more surprising was that it's set it in Texas! Weird huh!?! Not as weird as the random Wizard of Oz mention calling it a 'triumph', but then giving it an 'F'... Or maybe it's like 'Fuck it's time! A complete triumph!' Either way... They're WAY off!
The Polish movie poster for the movie 'Escape from Planet of the Apes'
Hahaha! Now, I've never seen the movie but for some reason, now I really want to! But I have to wonder... What are they trying to escape from? They look like they're having a great fucking time!


Weekend at Bernie's
On the left the movie poster/ cover I'm familiar with... On the right... The Polish version! Yeah! What the fuck is with these fucking Polish posters? It's just like 'Fuck seeing the movie! Don't show me pictures from the film and don't tell me a god damn thing about it! Just get me my LSD, my pen and some paper and I'll work the rest out on my own!"
Big
On the left... The regular poster. On the right the Czech Republic version. What the fuck is going on here? Why couldn't they just change the wording on the original poster? Why does the dude have paint on his face and heart shaped sun glasses? Why why why??? NOTHING about this poster says ANYTHING about the movie! 
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
On the left... Makes sense. You know it's a Harry Potter movie. There's a dark looking forest and a sense of urgency. Cool. I still have no desire to see any of the Harry Pot-head movies but I get the drift... On the right is the US version!?! Is this scene even from Harry Potter? If it is I'm sure it's not the entire gist of the film. Anyone going to see this movie JUST based on the poster is guna be majorly fucked off! I'd be like 'Who the fuck are these gits with wands and when does Hemorrhoid (Hermione) become a prostitute?
Ice Age 3
On the left the normal poster. On the left... The South Korean version. What is with Korean's and their incessant need to slut everything up with gadgets and shit? Nowhere in this movie do they time warp to the future, pick up a custom made rocket suit, some blue sunnies and haul ass back in time for tea! What the fuck is going on? If I was a little kid and I saw this poster before going in to see the movie I'd be highly fucking pissed when I didn't see that little squirrel dude kicking some woolly mammoth ass with his newly acquired robocop like ensemble! HIGHLY PISSED!!!
The Never Ending Story
On the left... The version I'm familiar with.
On the Right... Oh my fucking god! It's those crazy fucking Polish bitches again! What is going on here!? Granted, I haven't seen this movie in a while but I'm almost definite that I'd remember a weird little gay dude wearing clown make-up, a Victorian neck collar and a gigantic obnoxious pink hat while happily riding on a Triceratops! But maybe I missed that bit? I'm pretty sure this movie is German... And Poland is right next to Germany... So what happened? Was there some massive communication error? Did the fax get smudged and the Polish design department decided to wing it? Or was this Poland's revenge for being invaded by Germany? I'm thinking all of the above!

Willow
On the left... An understandable choice.
On the right... The POLISH version (this is getting to be like a bad joke)! I never realised Willow was about an elderly Pinocchio making friends with either a leper or a deformed tree!?! But, hey! What do I know!
A Nightmare on Elm Street 
A VERY cool movie poster that gives some clue to the story line... Then there's the Japanese version...
I think the artist took his work home and let his 4 year old cut and paste some random shit together! CRAPPY JAPPY!!!
Star Wars
This is my absolute favourite side by side comparison!
On the left is the more conventional poster. On the right is the Russian version.
Quite obviously when the artist had Darth Vadar described to him all he heard was "Blar blar blar  SEXY DISCO PUMA!!!"
Again... Why not just change the poster on the left? Or at least reference to it! The Russians must have been like... So when's space cat coming into the movie? There is no space cat? But the poster? The poster lied? But why? Why would they tease me with empty promises of awesome humanoid disco puma's!?! WHY!? For the love of god WHHHHHY!?!
THAT kind of shit changes people. You lose a part of yourself! Ahahahaha! Yeah!?!



 Well kiddies, once again our time together has come to an end!


I hope you enjoyed wondering what the fuck as much as I did!!!


Until next time...


Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo






Tuesday, 3 May 2011

She's not a slut! She's just really relaxed!

A while ago I found an awesome site which translates (with speech) pretty much any language into just about any other language you can think of... Last night I rediscovered this little gem and proceeded to see how fucked up my blog would be if translated into another tongue. But did I stop there? Of course not! I translated some exerts from my blog (as well as a Facebook status) into several different languages... Then BACK to English... This is where shit got messy! Talk about getting lost in translation! Fucking hell! Not even a sat-nav from Star Trek was getting me back from where these translations had taken me... 


So without further ado, I present: Jen's Spaghetti Blog- Totally lost in translation!!!


Original Blog Exert:
Back to the bastard mop! I took a break before completing my mopping adventures! Well I finished the front half of the house... I mopped the floors AND... Wait for it.... WAIT for it... The walls! Aaaahahahaha! The MADNESS has set in! Mwaaaahahaha! *awkward silence.....*


From English to Korean and then back to English:
Clean Up Guy! Before you complete the adventure of my white blood cells there was a brake of the rising! Then I completed the half in front of the house ... I wiped the floor ... Wait for it .... Wait for it ... Walls! Aaaahahahaha! Insanity has arrived! Mwaaaahahaha! .....* Weird silence *


The face of insanity! RUN!!!
*** Best bits: "Clean up guy!" Where the fuck was this clean up guy when I was mopping my fucking walls? I don't know where clean up guy came from or went to but considering there was a white blood cell adventure I'm relieved I wasn't around! I had to laugh at "insanity has arrived"... That is good to know! Just in case no one else realised or they missed the memo! It's here PEOPLE!!! IT'S FUCKING HERE!!!! 


Original Blog Exert:
In light of the above I want to talk about: FUCK HEADS!!! Also known as morons, dick wads, mother fuckers, moles, cock stains, goat fuckers, cunts, gay holes, fuck-tards, sluts, pricks, dildo smackers, Tony's, dumb asses, ball gazers, cock knockers, pirate hookers, butt sluts, trollops, big crusty pus filled hairy dogs cock... Ok so we get what I'm talking about yeah?


From English to Portuguese and then back to English:
In the light of above mentioned I want to speak on: FODA HEADS!!! When the jetties were also known as idiotic, chimaços of dick, the rude persons of mother, they lift stains, idiots, rude persons of goat, snuff-boxes, cheerful holes, fode-tards, relaxed women, points, kisses of penis, Tony's, silent donkeys, think up gazers, bang one's head to relaxed women, beaters, pirate lifts, prostitutes, the great covered pus of crust filled hairy dogs, they stand up... Okey so we acquire on what I am speaking yes?


*** Best bits: FODA HEADS!?! Available at all good toys stores this Christmas! I dunno what they are but I want one in three different fucking colours!!! When jetties were also known as idiotic? When exactly was that? I thought it was pre 1972 but I have been wrong about this shit before! Chimacos of dick? Is that Portuguese for Schmackos? Dogs go wacko for.... DICK!!! Hahahaha! They lift stains! So if I call you nappi-san oxy... I'm really calling you a cock stain! Ok? Rude persons of goat? Snuff boxes (that's a keeper) & cheerful holes! CHEERFUL HOLES!!! "Hows your hole, snuff box!? "It's god dam cheerful, mother fucker!" SILENT DONKEYS!!! This whole thing is just gold! I suggest re-reading it while banging your head to a relaxed woman! 


Glide...
Facebook status:
People talk shit... And the ones that talk the most are just trying to make some noise so you don't notice them trying to slip their hand up your skirt and fuck you!!!


From English to German to Spanish and then back to English again:
People talk shit... And those which mostly speak try just to do a noise, you do not note them trying, her hand your cock and leaky me in the ass! To let glide!!


*** Best bits: "And the ones that mostly speak try just to do a noise"... I just have a mental image of someone making grunty noises and trying to fart!?! The last bit is just pure class and although I had nothing to do with it, I'm still particularly proud... HER HAND... YOUR COCK AND LEAKY ME IN THE ASS! Oh God! LEAKY FUCKING ME IN THE GOD DAM FUCKING ASS!!! And the purpose of all this? Simple! "To let glide!" That makes sense, yeah!?! I think what all of this shows is that... You may think I'm fucking MAD, but just be thankful I'm not foreign too!  
  

Silence! I'm trying to 'do a noise!'
Shatner knows the importance of quality glide!


If you want to have fun getting yourself lost in translation. Click here...


The more outlandish the text the better. Don't be afraid to throw some swears in there too... It confuses the shit out the program and equals optimal funnies! Feel free to post your creations on the comments section below!


Until next time my little snuff boxes....


Love ya guts... Love, Jen xoxo