The Colonial Burger!!!

Ok so its Sunday night and I posted my new blog merely hours ago and I’m writing this one… Obviously… coz you’re reading it !?! Der! So yeah how the hell can a short person with no life have so much to write about? And what the fucks being short got to do with any of this? Well it’s simple really! Get yourself a decent multiple personality disorder with a vivid imagination! You will literally have conversations that will blow ALL of minds… like fucking BOOOM!!! EXPLOSIONS! POW!!! As for being short? Yeah no idea where I was going with that one! The main thing is I think like a tall person and I am tall for my height! Anyway so I just managed to get Todd to read my last blog entry… His response? “Front Bum! Ha” then at the end he said “hmm nice!” NICE? Nice? Fucking NICE??? Why don’t you just punch my right in the puss and tell me I’m a dud root? Nice pfft! That boy spent entirely too much time up north getting felt up by filthy lesbians! Needless to say I wont be asking for Todd’s opinions on any of my literary rantings from now on! And if anyone has a trailer he’ll be moving out next weekend so any help would be great! Ahahahaha! JOKING! I just realised after all my carrying on about how I’m going to be getting on the treadmill I fucking forgot to get on the treadmill! I’ll start Monday! I was too busy cooking dinner, doing dishes and organising Todd for his first day of school! WORK! I mean work! I’m too tired now! I WILL START TOMORROW! I WILL BE FOCUSED! And once I have treamilled my ass off I will fix the recession and make up a new dance that will take the world by storm!!! I WILL I WILL I WILL!!!! What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah FOCUS! Cool! HAHAHA! I dunno if you can tell but I’m getting way more comfortable around you lot! Third entry in and I could totally rip of my bra and make you wax my jugs! And I know y’all would do it coz your sick fucks!!! NEVER change! Y’all? Yeah sorry I was getting in touch with my inner KFC style drum stick! Talking about KFC I moonlighted there when I was perkier (younger) and I use to get the dumbest shits asking for a “Colonel burger” but they said “Colonial Burger” Hahaha! COLONIAL!!!! Then when I worked at an auto auction house I use to get geriatrics ringing me asking how much the HOLDEN RODEO’S (pronounced like clown rodeo) went for? After I stopped laughing I told them they had the wrong number! Ahahahaha! NO, NOT REALLY!!! Point is: If you ask for something and someone laughs hysterically… just hang up or drive off!!! Anyway I’ve gone on long enough! Todd is watching boxing so I must go commentate for him! He LOVES IT!!! “The ref just slap kicked his dick! That’s a move that hasn’t been seen since the annual chicken run which became popular during the second world war!” Oh no I talked my way all the way through boxing and right in to the world poker tour? I liked the intro! It went like this “Poker will get you fame, poker will get you rich… this is where I jumped in and said “Poker will get YOU HARD!!! AWWWW yeah Straight flush” Aaahahaha! I make me LAUGH!!! Remember Liquor up front, Poker in the back…. GET IT!!! Hahahaha till next time my favourite little fuckers!!! LOVE Ya guts, Jen xoxo