It was a mother fucking Saturday after-fucking-noon. The two local crack whores were passing the time by fisting a very eager Danish goat, who went by the name of Milton Mongoloid (that's a goat from Denmark not a type of pastry or danish). What these two butt sluts didn't realise was that Milton was doing a reverse moon twot bog shit AKA a titanic froogle crap. Naturally this left them with badly shit stained knuckles. This, of course was bad news for them but good news for the local shit stain removers "Sloppy Mole Hole Removal Inc.", as business had been slow since their competitors started their "50% off on shit stained scrote Sundays" promotion. The "Cunt fluffer" special looked good until they realised that they had left their purses inside Minton! What to do? What the mother fucking fuck shit Christ fucking fart fuck were they going to do??? FAAAARK!!! They had no choice but to haul their moon twots all the way back to the crap shack they called home. To their suprise there waiting for them were two of the sexiest sloppy shit slapping Spanish sprog spinners they'd ever laid their dodgy one eye's on! Was it love? Why were they there? Would they notice the brownish sphincter smelling stains on their knuckles? Does anyone really fucking care? Nope!?! Ok good! I think that fills my quota! KAINE!!! Good? Ok? Moving right along then! Hahaha! Oh wait! Pussy fart, tit, cock, ball hair, flaps, foreskin, cum dumpster, dirty mouthed dog rooter! Ok yep! I'm good!
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| Milton |
Something Funny: A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give amazing blow jobs!'
'Blow jobs!?' the woman replied.
'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...
No more blow jobs for her!
She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off!...
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading through cook books.
'What the hell are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook... you're fucking GONE!!!'
Next: STD's- Calls to different states/provinces are made with STD (Subscribers Trunk Dialling) and are called STD calls. This is done directly by the subscribers. Earlier it was done as a trunk call by contacting the local telephone exchange operator. similarly the calls made to different countries is called international calls or ISD.
Ahahaha! Sorry Kaine!
Ok so at the request of the Fantastic Miss Tarryn Cole I'm going to discuss High School!
I went to 3 high schools. Balga for years 8-10, BCC for year 11 and Tuart College for year 12. Year 11 was by far the best year and the one that I have the fondest memories of. On my very first day of year 11 I had this cute bouncy little bitch sit next to me who, would become one of my best friends. Her name was Tash and I found out she was repeating year 11 and was in 4 of my 6 classes. We became friends straight away. Not long after this Tash decided to through a party. This is where I met Tarryn... Who in true Tazza style was a fucking bitch! Hahahaha!
Tash through another party the weekend after. This time I actually cracked a few jokes, took the piss out of people and started chatting to Taz. There after she was just a bitch to evryone else! Hahahah! I LOVE YOU TAZZA! I remember Tash's Mum coming home and smacking some dude in the head coz he asked who she was! HAHAHA! The party was over! We piled in a car with some boys and stayed out till 6am. After that I had a curfew! Hahaha! Oh yeah and some fatty tried to finger me! Good times! So from this point on Myself, Tazza and Tash were a regular weekend thing! Now there's many MANY stories about the crazy shit us girls got up to... Most of them I probably shouldn't disclose in a public forum! There is one story which I never get tired of telling and that appropriately demonstrates the crazy bullshit we were getting up to!
If you need a potty break or smoko go now!!!
I creep up on the cat! The cat is spry! It see's me and can smell my ill intent! It runs over to a 6 foot hedge! I follow it! The cat is freaked the fuck out at this point and all I can hear is squeals of
laughter coming from the car.
The cat runs in to the hedge. I follow it! I run straight into the very large and hard brick wall which was concealed behind the hedge. I bounced off the wall and it sat me right on my arse. Determined, I got on my knees and crawled into the hedge! Grabbing around I feel hedge, hedge, fur, prickle, hedge, fur, CAT!!! Success!
I've got the fucker by the neck... It was not happy! It was spitting and clawing and screaming! I run back to the car. Both girls looking at me as if they can't believe I actually did it! "Open the door" I yelled. I chucked the cat in. Jumped in the back and yelled "DRIVE!" We laughed for about 10 minutes straight before realising we didn't know what the fuck to do with damn thing! Tash decided we should take it to Simon's... Her then boyfriend and now Husband... All the way there this stupid cat kept dropping it's guts and I was convinced this cat was going to spray shit all over me as revenge for the abduction. We arrived at Simon's. We woke him. Tash and I are at his front door with strange cat, we're laughing hysterically and talking so fast he had no fucking idea what we were on about.
Tash decided the cat needed to go to the toilet... Hahaha! Yeah? So she took it and tried to sit it on the crapper and wondered why it wouldn't "go poopy"!!! Hahaha. We had sufficiently freaked poor Simon the fuck out and the cat wasn't going to use the toilet.
We drove the cat back to Tash's place which at the time was a granny flat attached to her grand parents house.
Tash decided to keep the cat. She wanted to call it Rusty. I wanted to call it Uncle Fucker. We agreed on Rusty Fucker.
Tarryn spent the next 2 hours writing the owner of the cat, now known as Rusty Fucker a ransom note! We then had to explain to Tash's Nan (or Nanny as we called her) where the fuck this random cat came from and why it's name was Rusty Fucker... She was a cool old duck and actually found our antics hilarious!
Hahahaha. This is a totally true story and the girls will back me up on it...
*Disclaimer: The owner of said cat was a mole and mistreated the cat so don't get all RSPCA on my ass!
Well I've crapped on long enough! Remember next time: Farts, Adventures of parenting from a mother of two little nut jobs and the details on Todd's new job!
I went to 3 high schools. Balga for years 8-10, BCC for year 11 and Tuart College for year 12. Year 11 was by far the best year and the one that I have the fondest memories of. On my very first day of year 11 I had this cute bouncy little bitch sit next to me who, would become one of my best friends. Her name was Tash and I found out she was repeating year 11 and was in 4 of my 6 classes. We became friends straight away. Not long after this Tash decided to through a party. This is where I met Tarryn... Who in true Tazza style was a fucking bitch! Hahahaha!
Tash through another party the weekend after. This time I actually cracked a few jokes, took the piss out of people and started chatting to Taz. There after she was just a bitch to evryone else! Hahahah! I LOVE YOU TAZZA! I remember Tash's Mum coming home and smacking some dude in the head coz he asked who she was! HAHAHA! The party was over! We piled in a car with some boys and stayed out till 6am. After that I had a curfew! Hahaha! Oh yeah and some fatty tried to finger me! Good times! So from this point on Myself, Tazza and Tash were a regular weekend thing! Now there's many MANY stories about the crazy shit us girls got up to... Most of them I probably shouldn't disclose in a public forum! There is one story which I never get tired of telling and that appropriately demonstrates the crazy bullshit we were getting up to!
If you need a potty break or smoko go now!!!
The Cat-napping incident!
So Tash and Tarryn are a year older than me, but at this point it didn't matter because none of us were old enough to go clubbing. So our weekends were spent going to parties, trying to find parties, driving to parties, driving around looking for parties etc. It was late on a Saturday night/ Sunday morning... about 3.30am. So we're driving around. No where to go, spit balling idea's about what to do coz we'd rather drive around than go home. So anyway were having a conversation about a certain bitch who was ousted from the group around the time I got in with the girls. She was a douche anyway and had to go but she obviously blamed me because she was going around calling me a dyke.
Right around this time we happened to drive past said douche's house. Her cat was sitting out the front... I was like "right, fucking stop the car! Bitch is guna learn a lesson!" So there's this bright yellow excel stopped in the middle of the street at like 4am... And there's me in white pants and a teal green halter "Steve Irwin'ing" it up like a mother fucker!I creep up on the cat! The cat is spry! It see's me and can smell my ill intent! It runs over to a 6 foot hedge! I follow it! The cat is freaked the fuck out at this point and all I can hear is squeals of
laughter coming from the car.
The cat runs in to the hedge. I follow it! I run straight into the very large and hard brick wall which was concealed behind the hedge. I bounced off the wall and it sat me right on my arse. Determined, I got on my knees and crawled into the hedge! Grabbing around I feel hedge, hedge, fur, prickle, hedge, fur, CAT!!! Success!
I've got the fucker by the neck... It was not happy! It was spitting and clawing and screaming! I run back to the car. Both girls looking at me as if they can't believe I actually did it! "Open the door" I yelled. I chucked the cat in. Jumped in the back and yelled "DRIVE!" We laughed for about 10 minutes straight before realising we didn't know what the fuck to do with damn thing! Tash decided we should take it to Simon's... Her then boyfriend and now Husband... All the way there this stupid cat kept dropping it's guts and I was convinced this cat was going to spray shit all over me as revenge for the abduction. We arrived at Simon's. We woke him. Tash and I are at his front door with strange cat, we're laughing hysterically and talking so fast he had no fucking idea what we were on about.
Tash decided the cat needed to go to the toilet... Hahaha! Yeah? So she took it and tried to sit it on the crapper and wondered why it wouldn't "go poopy"!!! Hahaha. We had sufficiently freaked poor Simon the fuck out and the cat wasn't going to use the toilet.
We drove the cat back to Tash's place which at the time was a granny flat attached to her grand parents house.
Tash decided to keep the cat. She wanted to call it Rusty. I wanted to call it Uncle Fucker. We agreed on Rusty Fucker.
Tarryn spent the next 2 hours writing the owner of the cat, now known as Rusty Fucker a ransom note! We then had to explain to Tash's Nan (or Nanny as we called her) where the fuck this random cat came from and why it's name was Rusty Fucker... She was a cool old duck and actually found our antics hilarious!
Hahahaha. This is a totally true story and the girls will back me up on it...
*Disclaimer: The owner of said cat was a mole and mistreated the cat so don't get all RSPCA on my ass!
So there's ONE of my high school stories...
Next time: Tarryn's habit of getting me to hold her shoes and running off in to the night!
Until then, Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo
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