Firstly, thank you for all of your messages of support! But remember as an insecure delicate little flower there's no such thing as too much praise! Please comment on my blog page, subscribe to receive notification of new posts and most importantly- tell your friends! Jenna loves the love. Jenna needs the love. Jenna needs to stop talking about herself in the 3rd person! Hahaha!
Ok so I promised I would discuss crazy shit my kids get up to, farts (yeah thanks, Naarah) and Toddy's new job.
I'm going to leave stories about my kids until last.
Farts! This was a REQUEST. I'm presuming Miss Naarah wants bum farts and not pussy farts? Hahaha 'wants'... Naarah wants farts! Hahaha! Dirty mole! So Todd gets into bed and drops his guts! He's gone WAY past comfortable and is heading into the realm of glowing with pride that he can share what the smell (and taste) of the inside his rectum is like! It may also be worth mentioning that farts make me angry. Loud farts are funny if they don't smell but if I'm subjected to parts of your bowel attaching themselves to the inside of my sinus cavities and subsequently melting off all the hairs in my nose that pisses me off! So Todd had had burritos one night and Chinese the next. Lets just say the Chinese and the Mexicans DO NOT get along! On any fucking level! I'd been dealing with this all fucking night, with the promise from him that he was getting it out now rather than later in bed- yeah OK! I don't want to die in my sleep from choking on a fart! OK so were back at the point of him getting into bed and dropping his guts AGAIN!!! I look around in desperation for... Anything! A knife, a dumb-bell, an industrial sized match! Then like a shining beacon- I see it! Febreze! Quick as a flash, ala Mr Eastwood styles I reach out and 'draw' my 'gun' I lift up the doona and with 2 quick squeezes of the trigger! BANG BANG!!! I hit him! Bulls eye! Right in the shitter! Not only did it clear the unholy smell but it gave me a sense of accomplishment as a seasoned quick shooter! Todd was freaked out. My job was done!
I've also stopped him from farting by throwing chicken salt at him. The salt itself did nothing but he got so sick of salt being ditched at him he just held them in! Hahaha! So there ya go!
Toddy's new job! Three words: FUCKING LOVES IT!!! He hasn't been happy career wise for at least 4 years now so for him to receive this fantastic opportunity is a very welcome change! He likes his boss... So that's always good. It's a case of work hard and be rewarded rather than work hard and we'll still fire your ass! I know once he gets his head around the procedures he will thrive and I will be riding his arse all the way to the top! Giddy up!
Once again thank you to STEVE!!!! You're a fucking legend and I would give you my first born.... But after 4 years I'm a little attached! You'll have to settle for a carton of Jimmy Squirter's (that's James Squire in normal speak!) He gets his Colorado Thursday along with his mobile, fax etc. After 6 bullshit weeks I can finally relax my little pooper valve! Ahahaha! Mental image!!! WRONG!
Anyone who has had the pleasure of meeting my children knows they are... "Individuals" to say the least. I often look at them and wonder if I was smoking a large quantity of weed while I was pregnant with them coz it would make sense! My kids may be nuts (it's genetic, they never had a chance) but they are also smart, loving and have more personality than people 3 times their age! For example as I'm typing this Isabelle is yelling at Logan "No no NO don't fart on that! No more farts, now! You go to bed" His response? Hysterical laughter! He thinks she is the ants pants!
Now I'm going to share a few of my favourite memories, mostly of Isabelle because she can talk. It's kind of a 'Izzy & Fatty's greatest hits volume 1! Enjoy!"
- Logan loves to sing and laughs at everything... He even laughs at me laughing at him!
- He also likes to yodel...
- He's super smart but he uses his powers mostly for evil.
- When Isabelle first started talking instead of saying "Love You, Mum" she would say "you you, Mum"
- She tells me "I love you so, so much mummy", "We're best friends in the whole wide world", "Mummy! Let's get married!"
- Isabelle to Logan: C'mon fat boy!
- Isabelle to Logan: Hey fat boy! Get out of my face!
- Mum I've finished doing wees... TA-DAR!
- Isabelle on the toilet: Don't be afraid poo! You can come out. Poos not afraid anymore, mummy! She said this quite loudly... In a public toilet.
- While in the bath with her brother. Mum! Logan's got a stinky doodle (then he pissed on her) hahaha!
- When she first figured out she could control her farts she would try and fart after having a bath... A few times she squeezed so hard trying to fart she pissed herself! Hahaha!
A very proud big sister! |
Now for today's Q & A's (Hahaha that rhymes!)
Kaine: Your thoughts on global warming and gay marriages.
Answer: No, I don't think gay marriages will effect global warming.
Nick: Time travel
Answer: Please refer to the historical documents titled "back to the future" volumes 1-3.
Ben: Pauline Hanson's comeback
Answer: I don't really care as long as her comeback isn't accompanied
Deb: The moment when you hear stuff spewing forth at a rapid rate out of your kids mouth that is very obviously stuff they've heard u do or say.
Answer: I'm writing a whole section on stuff my kids say/ do... But I'd have to say I realised how easily influenced Isabelle is the day she found her butt hole while having a bath! Pure Todd! Hahahaha!
Deb: Car-park behaviour...
Answer: Todd and myself had our first "relations" in a car park! I'd stay away! Filthy places! Disgusting People!
Doug: The exciting world of lava lamps?
Answer: I had a lava lamp blow up in my lounge room! It was very exciting! It was a prick to clean up too!
OK so that's another blog-a-log all wrapped up!
Until next time...
Love ya guts! Love, Jen xoxo
Love it! You're still making me laugh. Keep them coming!
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